Tangled
by Fleur06
Summary: LAST CHAPTER This based out of Melbourne, it is about Tactical Response has some of the characters and new characters added to it. Names of characters will be mentioned in it from time to time, but based on only a few of the charactes from Rush. If you are after a Shannon/Lawson this isn't it. There are scenes from the show I love which are in it, and adapted to it,
1. Chapter 1

_**Ive always wanted to write a fanfic based out of Melbourne, this has some of the same characters as the show but I have also added extra characters and only has some of the same in it most of the time. It does not follow after any episode in Melbourne and the only thing mainly the same is the characters and based on Tactical Response still. .**_

_**Josh is with Tash staying in Melbourne, Michael is still alive and Shannon is in Melbourne but going out with Lawson still. If you want a Shannon/Lawson fanfiction this it not it. All the characters of Rush will be mentioned from time to time, with only a few in it most of the time.**_

_**There is also some scenes I have loved from the show I have written in, which I have adapted to fit the scene. **_

_**I hope you will still enjoy reading it, and please review it if you enjoy it. **_

- …..

Walking out of the terminal the heat hitting them as soon as they set foot outdoors looking around Lawson turns to the other two members up there with him seeing Stella getting impatient "c'mon Lawson lets get going, I'm driving" shaking his head calling out "this isn't a holiday Stella we up here to work" turning to face Lawson "not for the whole 3 months Lawson we are up in Darwin, I for one plan to have fun You do know all work is bad for you Lawson, and will make you more boring than you already are, anyway we don't start work for a couple of days" rolling his eyes at Stella this will be a great experience for the whole team, somewhere totally different, he is already starting to feel sorry for the others up here putting up with Stella "Thanks Stel …. But just remember what we are up here for" laughing at him  
"to experience life"

Driving towards the apartments on the outskirts of the city but still close enough to walk or get into the city Christian looks out the window hearing Lawson talking to him "when is Annie getting up here" looking at Lawson in the front "a week, she is driving to Adelaide and catching the Ghan up and putting the car on, easier than doing the whole trip on her own with the kids, wish I could of come up with her and help with the kids, she understands" not even looking at Christian Stella speaks up "I know which one I'd prefer a whole week in a car with kids or flying up don't know why your complaining" glancing at Stella shaking his head Lawson looks around at the scenery as he talks "better than commuting back to Melbourne all the time, or Annie coming up here" Looking in the rearview mirror Stella glances at Christian "why didn't they bring someone else up then, than Christian, no offence but he has to move his whole family up here, whilst Michael has no one and would go out drinking, and Josh, well he could commute to see Tash and Shannon I could have a drinking buddy except she is becoming more boring the more time she spends with you… well suppose they didn't want you two working together anyway" Laughing at Stella's comment "why did they let you come up Stel, knowing how much you like to party, they either wanted you out of Melbourne or have no idea what you're really like" smiling at them both even though Lawson was her boss, most of the time they did get on together "I'm just so great, and they know it, I wouldn't stay in Melbourne, I just made sure they couldn't say no"

…..

Driving towards work she wonders who the new team will be, all she was told was that the Senior Sergeant had set up Tactical Response in Melbourne and was doing great with the team he had, she knew there was a folder somewhere she'd just wait until she arrived if she ever would, dam why did she have to be late today, why couldn't Sarah just be ready on time. With the 3 from Melbourne and the 4 or so from Darwin, she wrote the book on TR now finally she could put it all together with her in charge of it. Not looking up as she gets out of her car, shoving everything in her bag locking the car, shit why was she late today, the day she gets a team up here, a team to train and find others to join the TR squad up here.

Walking into the tactical response base a couple of days later, looking around, the team will be arriving soon, for now it should be him and the person setting up Tactical Response up here, but they are no where around. He is more than capable of setting this up on his own, wondering who was setting it up, he didn't need any help and hopes the person is administration only or needs training themselves, he doesn't need anyone else in charge, seeing a female figure hurrying towards him "I was expecting you earlier". Not even looking up "yeah, I was held up" his eyes widen, it can't be, he has no doubt it is, it had been 9 years or so since they had seen each other but she hadn't changed much, she didn't even look that much older but he would know her anywhere and her voice .

Looking up at the voice that just spoke to her, shit why didn't she look at the list she was given, did she even know where that list was, shaking her head why off all people did they have to send him up, out of all the officers bloody Lawson Blake was here in front of her, she had done a great job of forgetting him, forgetting the secret she had been hiding not wanting to ever remember she had kept hidden for 10 years, he looked older now, but she would never forget his face, she doubts she would ever forget him, what on earth possessed them in the first place she will never know, but here he is again.

Regaining her composure quickly looking as the team starts to arrive, "You can all get to know each other some other time, I'm sure you've all had a look around the base by now, if not do it later, I'll give you a quick tour of the base now before starting, I'm Inspector Kerry Vincent" walking around "this is the kitchen area cups to be washed and put away, the bathrooms showers, unisex use that at your own risk, and locker room, pick any locker put your name on it. Give you 5 minutes to get ready before I expect you out here"

Walking into the locker room Stella looks at Lawson "I think I'm missing Melbourne now, who does she think she is" not hearing Stella, Lawson watches as Kerry walks away her stride full of self confidence and assurance, she had changed in a way but she was always sure of herself, that was one of the many things he had liked about her, shit why now, he knew she had recognised him, the slight lapse before she regained herself he was sure of it, but she had acted like she didn't know him hearing Stella's voice again "Lawson" looking at her "You didn't hear anything we said" not wanting to admit he hadn't really his mind was elsewhere "You'll get over it Stel". Watching Lawson walk out, she was sure he would have been pissed off with someone else being in charge but he wasn't.

Walking into the locker room "5 minutes was up 5 minutes ago, get out here now" walking out to where the team was now waiting "Senior Sergeant Lawson Blake, Senior Constable Stella Dagostino and Senior Constable Christian Tapu up from Melbourne, will help with what TR is, keeping in mind, that Darwin is very different to Melbourne which you'll find. Being in Tactical Response requires commitment and a lot of training and hard work, I expect 110% from each and everyone one of you. This has been a long time coming having Tactical Response up here in Darwin, I will not have any of you stuff it up, we are on trial up here so everything you do will reflect on us here. The last weekend this month and the following week, there will be a training exercise out near Kakadu, attendance is compulsory, so if you have anything on then cancel it, no excuses or consider yourself out of the squad" then turning to Lawson nodding "Lawson I'll meet you upstairs in 5 minutes"

Walking into the room, Lawson looks around, the shock of seeing Kerry it had been years, they had only gone out for a short period of time, but he fell in love with her back then, looking up as she walks into the room, seeing her blue eyes piercing through him, there had always been something about her, the confidence still there and here she setting up Tactical Response, but from what she said down stairs he is beginning to wonder if there is more to what he was told, and if she was actually in charge, and why he was brought up from Melbourne.

Walking into the room, she had regained her composure now it had been ages, and she had been thrown seeing him again she , seeing Lawson looking at her "who's the dickhead intel officer you brought downstairs" raising his eyes at Kerry "dickhead is that official?" leaning her head sideways shaking her head slightly "Oh please" then walking over to the desk with the computer "you can start by getting me a coffee" looking at Kerry, he is sure she knew who he was, how many Lawson Blakes are in the force, it was only quick but she did lose her composure for a second but now is acting like she had no idea who he was "I wasn't sent up to make you coffee" then emphasising her name "Kerry, I was brought up here to set up this team".

Walking over to the computer seeing Lawson sitting down a small smile on her face "So why did they send you and your team up" sitting back in the chair looking at Kerry who is looking at the computer "They know me, I put the team together and set up Tactical Response in Melbourne" looking up briefly from the computer not convinced, easier than looking at him "alright since we've been operation police shootings have been down by half, shootings are down, lethal situations in general are controlled, we're on the road 24 hours a day and we are better trained to deal with situations. Not looking at Lawson walking around the office "statistics" then leaning closer to him "think you can do it all by yourself"

Looking at Kerry she was acting like she didn't need him up here or want him if that is the way she wanted it, "right, Your police head office" shrugging looking at her walking around "I can deal with that" nodding at Lawson walking around drinking her coffee, the need to walk around, shit why didn't she read that folder "wonderful" walking closer to Lawson looking at him briefly seeing his arms across his chest, leaning back in the chair, she knows he wants to be in charge, that is who Lawson is, "look lets get this out from first bounce I don't know how clearly you need me to tell you this, but I've been put in charge up here" looking back at Kerry not impressed, was she trying to rub it in, why was he brought up here, sitting down at the table watching Kerry walking around drinking the coffee "So your in charge of procedures" Kerry not looking "Yep" nodding as Lawson continues "Personal" Kerry "Yep" Lawson "administration" Kerry walking away "yep"

Leaning back in the chair Lawson looks at Kerry she had changed she was full of confidence "fine deal" Kerry walking around with her arms spread out before drinking her coffee "Easy" as Lawson continues he doesn't need anyone helping him, he thought he was training everyone up here, not being under someone, he knew someone was going to be in charge but not yet "Meanwhile I will be running operational and tactics and be out on the road, so I'd appreciate it if you stay out of my way" watching as Kerry sits down opposite him giving a slight shrug "see that could be a problem" watching as Kerry stares at him her blue eyes piercing through him "why could that be a problem if your not operational and haven't done our training" staring at him her head slightly moving sideways a smug smile on her face she was going to be every part of putting this team together "Your kidding" a slightly smug smile on her face as she shakes her head, she had heard he didn't want anyone else in Melbourne to be in charge "that was not in the deal when I came up here, I was never told there was someone else in charge" looking at Lawson "think you can do better?" glaring at Kerry she was enjoying this all too much and here he was stuck up here taking orders from someone else, not just anyone but his ex for the next 6 months.

…


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into her house, the day finally over, and leaving before having to really speak to Lawson again, she did act like she didn't know him when she had to talk to him making sure he knew she was in charge, she didn't want to see him, want the memories back or tell him the truth, dumping her bag on the table looking around, Sarah not home for an hour or so, Chris still at work too both be home later one. Walking over to the lounge, sitting down, tossing her shoes off, she had to get out of the suit, not a suit person but wanting to make a good impression walking down a short time later, her joggers on quickly scribbling a note, she needs to clear her head and get out of the house.

Walking along the beach after running for a while, kicking the sand, she hadn't expected Lawson Blake to turn up here not after all these years, how many was it 10 years she should know exactly when it was, it was a long time ago now, she left Melbourne then moved around before settling up here, why did those feelings come back from all those years ago, as soon as Lawson walked into the bloody station she was at both of them at the training, she was older than him but it still didn't stop them, it only lasted a few months, well 4 ½ to be exact, the sex with him was amazing. She told him it was over, it was better that way, so she thought until a couple of months or so later, now all those memories she had suppressed were resurfacing, she could never tell him the truth, there were so many times in the many months after she broke up with him, she wanted to call him, say she had changed her mind, she wanted him there was something about him, that she had always loved but deep down it wouldn't of worked out she wasn't good enough for him she was older than him he needed someone else.

Hearing her name she turns around, there he is a small smile on her face as she looks up at him, she knew she couldn't avoid him for the next 3 months as much as she would love to, she would be professional and that was it. Staring at him her mouth slightly open, damm she didn't expect to see him on the beach, he still looked great dressed in shorts and a top, his body still toned and muscular, seeing him look at her those chocolate pudding eyes , why did they have to send Lawson up, why didn't she read the information she was given, why still did he give her goosebumps when he looked at her.

Seeing Kerry look up at him, those blue eyes still piercing through him like they did so long ago her smile radiating up her whole face he loved her all those years ago, when she broke his heart he wanted more he had fallen for her so hard and loved her so much and she pushed him away, he wanted more from her, she didn't, it hurt him so much all those years ago, he thought they shared something special, she was in a slightly higher position back then but it still would of worked out he was sure of it, instead she said she didn't want to see him, she didn't even think they could remain friends. he still recalls the conversation they had

_**They had walked to the end of the jetty at St Kilda sitting eating dinner looking over the bay he had thought it was perfect, until Kerry turned to face him, seeing her fiddle with her hands it wasn't long before she spoke " I have feelings for you there is no doubt about that. It is kind of love but It is just not your kind of love. I know how you feel about me, I'm sorry I just don't have that feeling. I've thought about it a lot" as soon as she finished that first paragraph he felt like someone had kicked him in the chest he never saw it coming all he could say was "You've been planning this" then she continued he hoped she would change her mind as she sat there but instead she said "No I don't' want to hurt you but I know I will never have that special feeling for you. I think your wonderful you know that, but if we keep this up I just ruining your chances of happiness with someone else" that last line he wanted that special feeling between them to last, he felt so like a teenager that al he said was "I have happiness with you" and he did, he was happy and in love and wanted to stay with her, her line then gave him slight hope "I know and so do I" he said "Well". She then just continued breaking his heart and was she serious how did she know what was best for him, she was the best thing that ever happened to him "I'm sorry, it is much better I do this now, than a year later I'm doing this for you". Then doubts crossed my mind, was it me "Have I done something wrong, tell me" her next sentence I wanted to start hating her but I couldn't the things she said "No your one of the nicest people I've ever met, you're beautiful. I don't want to get this wrong". He still had to see her, he couldn't have her out of his life for ever, "Can I still see you, can we still each other" the next sentence his world then felt like it had ended "I think its better that we don't" not realising it then that in a few months she would leave Melbourne and he couldn't even accidentally bump into her anymore. Suspicion then started to creep in "Is there someone else" but as she, shakes head I knew it was just me "You don't know how hard this is, I wish there was some other way" I knew then what she meant "You mean you wish you could love me is that is" it was like a huge kick realising that she didn't love me anymore yet i still loved her so much then her final sentence "Don't You deserve someone who will can really love you" I couldn't help myself "How do you know what I deserve I deserve you" and I did, I wanted Kerry more than anything even if she was much older than me, we had something between us,**_ then she left and after all those years, here she is again looking as beautiful as the day we met her eyes sparkling.

Seeing her again those 10 years later "How are you going Kerry?" raising her eyebrows at him, she didn't like or want small talk to Lawson, she was his boss now and that was all they were, work colleagues she was his superior nothing else, as she continues to walk "Is this all its going to be Kerry, ignoring me except at work, I thought all these years later and you might know how to act like a adult between us instead of a immature jerk" turning to face Lawson the truth was she had no idea what to say to him even after all these years he had an affect on her when he shouldn't "what do you want me to say Lawson, I'm fine, its great to see you again, my life is great, so good to see you again" looking at Kerry some things never change "So you do remember me, its better than saying nothing, we have to work together Kerry, I thought we had something special all those years ago, then you just left, nothing much but just left us, not really an explanation or anything, just we can't even be friends, no explanation, you never returned my calls, returned my letters" facing Lawson, she didn't want to go back there, this was 10 years later she had moved on looking at Lawson her mouth slightly open her tongue moving around "that was 10 years ago, we had broken up, there was nothing to say to you" looking at Kerry she mightn't but he had so much he wanted to tell her or ask her, he had wanted to know what he did wrong, if they couldn't give them another go "I deserved an explanation then Kerry, we had something special" shaking her head at him she didn't' want to go back there, she had got on with her life, it was hard for a year or so she had wanted to call him many times but couldn't "It just happened Lawson we were wrong for each other" not wanting to talk to him anymore she starts jogging away, watching Kerry turn her back on him as she moves on jogging, watching her go, seeing her turn around "it was nice seeing you again" before continuing on a smile forming on his face he had to see her again alone and not at work, there was part of him still that felt something towards her, hearing his phone ring answering it, turning away the stark reminder he is engaged now as he hears Shannon's voice on the phone.

…..

Walking into the base on the weekend Stella looks around at the other team members there she could of think of much better way to spend the weekend handing Lawson a coffee "big night Stel" not even looking at Lawson "always" smiling to himself, it didn't take long for her to get settled into Darwin walking over to the TR car, wake me up when we get there" a smirk on his face "your driving Stel" looking up at Lawson "Your joking, I've been drinking all night Lawson" raising his eyes at her "I bet that isn't all" staring straight at him shaking his head "You can go in Kerry's car instead" shaking her head at him.

Walking into the base looking around counting the heads "Where's Leon and Steve?" moving away "someone give them a call and let them know if they are not here within 5 minutes we are leaving without them". Walking back to the cars 5 minutes later looking up seeing Leon and Steve "when I give a time I expect you to be there then, not when you feel like it, or don't bother coming to work…. We are taking the 2 TR cars and my cars, will fit you all in, work it out amongst yourself" then looking at Lawson seeing him walk closer to her car "I want a Sergeant in each car, preferably a Senior Sergeant, Leon, Stella and you two your with me". Looking at Lawson seeing the smirk on his face Stella rolls her eyes this weekend was starting out badly, hearing her name called out again by Kerry shit, this whole time up in Darwin was nothing like she expected with the boss from hell. Watching Stella walk over to her, there was something about the Senior Constable just watching her work she was good at her job, she felt something towards her, wanting to help her, wanting her to be something "How much have you been drinking?" looking at Kerry was she serious what she did in her own time was nothing to do with TR her voice firm "I'm fine" maintaining eye contact with her "that wasn't my question Stella, blow in a PBT before we leave" seeing Stella storm out "count yourself lucky I'm not doing a drug test too" glaring at Kerry she never had a problem with her life style and work before, yeah she did get the two close but she did her job and she knew she did it well. Here she thought coming up would be great, never thinking she would have the boss from hell, for someone reason that Lawson didn't agree with her when she was sure he would, in fact he had hardly said anything about Kerry or her being in charge.

….

Arriving at the training area, the three cars pulling up waiting for everyone to get out "You have an hour to get settled before meeting back here, there is a room for the girls, the others sort it out amongst yourself, each room has 3 singles in it"

Watching Stella pick up her stuff, Kerry calls out "Stella" turning around looking at her boss, shit this was just getting better and better, wasn't it enough to drive out with her and take a PBT . Watching Stella walk over to her she nods at her "You can sit the exercises out today" looking at her boss in disbelief "Your joking?" shaking her head at Stella, she wanted 110% from her team and not having them turn up drunk "No … I expect my team to turn up to work not under the influence, not going out partying all night" seeing Stella glaring at her she wonders if Lawson had kept her in line "I'm fine Kerry, what I do in my own time isn't anything to do with you. I could do any of those exercise you have" giving a small sigh Stella reminded her slightly of herself years ago "Stel, you're a great officer and have so much potential, don't stuff it up" looking at Kerry did she just give her some praise was this the same person "Kerry all I did was go out" looking at Stella her face firm "Out will where you be, if you go out partying all night and turn up drunk or under the influence again" Waiting for the team, Kerry looks up as Lawson walks over seeing him raising his eyes at her "You joining in too?" looking at Kerry her eyes fixed on his "Yeah" looking straight at her "so you really are fully operational as well" her eyes fixed on his, did he expect her not to be even after she told him, raising her eyes at him "Yeah, as I recall we've had this conversation" seeing Lawson raise his eyes at her then leaning closer to him "You have a problem with that, don't you?" seeing Kerry's eyes fixed on his, her mouth straight, trying to control her smugness as he shakes his head "I've don't got a problem with that" then staring at her "as long as you've done all the training correctly, you think you can keep up with everyone…. With me?" seeing Lawson raise his eyes at her maintaining her gaze "I've done all the training required Lawson …. Will you be able to keep up" seeing her eyes widen he knew her well enough all those years ago to know she would push him, try to outdo him, trying not to look impressed with her, he actually wants to see her doing the activities see if she can keep up and how good she is, seeing her gaze upon hers a small smile on her face there is something about her still, the way she looks at him, the self confidence coming out of her "I still don't know why I was brought up here to train these guys those, Just as long as it works and you let me do things my way" looking at Lawson some things never changed, he just hated the fact she was in charge "Can't guarantee that" looking around seeing the others in the distance starting to walk over "You do know things are different up here in many ways" looking at Kerry "so you have said" rolling her eyes at him, he always was a smart arse "don't say I didn't warn you …..there is a lot of distance between places up here, the waterways, people go missing, a lot you know you might never find the body" seeing Lawson's confused look "people, get taken by crocodiles, we still have to look for them, rangers are called in it is totally different to Melbourne, just remember that" then with warmth to her voice "Just be careful" looking at Kerry, there was something in her eyes "so you do still care" giving a small laugh and shake of her head "Nah, I just don't want all the paperwork that will go with it" Watching Kerry walk away he was starting to wonder if she even wanted him up here on one hand, yet there was something else there it was as if she was flirting with him, he wondered why he wanted more, one thing was still the same she knew what she was doing, why did the way she looked at him though get to him, her blue eyes pierced through him the way she stared at him looked at him, challenging him in a way, looking up as the others start to arrive why did what she think even bother him, why did he want more and to just sit there and look at her.

Looking around for Stella as the others arrive "Where's Stel?" looking at Lawson "she's out for the day, she'll be watching only" looking at Kerry wondering what had happened "Why" staring back at Lawson rolling her eyes , was he serious "She's sidelined for the day until she reads a 0% alcohol" seeing Lawson shaking his head at her "what … you think its alright that she turns up hung over drinking all night" knowing Stella well and that she does the job "You won't stop her by sidelining her, you know, she's a good officer" raising her eyebrows at him her eyes fixed on him "Is that you personal opinion is it, maybe if she had better guidance and leader she wouldn't have a problem" shaking his head at Kerry she really could be a bitch, but then she was always one to speak her mind, let people know what she thought in a way it was something he liked and admired about her, but know he was wondering what her problem was and if she was trying to get rid of him "I have no problem with Stella, she's a great TR officer" as he starts to walk away he hears her call out "Maybe that is where the problem is ….. She could start by being here on time even if she isn't able to participate". Walking away from Kerry slightly confused by her, she acted like she didn't want him there or for him to go, but for brief moments there was something else, there was something there, he just didn't know what except he was up in Darwin for at least 3 months probably 6 months.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thank you for the reviews and for reading this, please continue reviewing and reading it hope you enjoy it**_

…_**..**_

Watching Kerry join in on the exercises, fitting in with everyone, he could tell he wasn't the only one impressed with her ability, as much as Stella hated to admit it, she was as good as them all or better she was as fit as most of them. Throwing one of the team to the ground before putting their hands behind there back at the end of one of the exercise she looks up at Lawson her eyes wider open, she knew she was good at the job and could keep up with them all, seeing the surprise on their faces she pulls him off the ground "you're stronger than you look" walking over to the team her eyes lingering on Lawson for a moment longer "not bad" rolling her eyes at him "just admit it that you're impressed…. Think you could do better" looking around seeing the team walking over quickly going back to being the boss "Ok 10 minute break" .

Walking over to the table, after doing the paperwork, she already had a couple of glasses of wine, stopping briefly shit, the only seat next to Lawson, she had avoided him for most of the trip, he was good at the job she never doubted that, she had glanced his way several times, he still looked great quickly sitting down next to him, seeing him glance at her.

Sitting around the table one night having a few drinks Lawson looks at Kerry walking over to the group seeing her look around, the only empty chair near him seeing her hesitate for a moment before sitting down, she had been going out of her way avoiding him he was sure of it, not one exercise had she paired them together or even put them in the same group, he doubted anyone else had notice but he did, except for the first day she hadn't said much to him even at drinks each evening/dinner she hadn't sat near him, he did see her glance at him when she thought he wasn't looking his voice low as the others were talking "You didn't want me to come up here did you?" looking at Lawson, truth was he was the last person she expected to see again "I never said that" looking at Kerry seeing her eyes move around the table, there was always something about her "you didn't have to say it, the first day in the office you made it pretty clear then that you didn't want me up here, you are in charge" seeing her eyes upon him a small smile on her face "Did I" giving a slight shrug tilting her head slightly to the side her eyes wider "You still stayed though" giving a small shake of his head damm why did she have to look at him like that her eyes unsettling him "what I don't understand is why have me come up in the first place then" not looking at Lawson her eyes looking everywhere else pointing to the sky "they choose you to come up, something about having set up TR in Melbourne and one of the best", it all making slight sense now "You must have known before I came up though who was coming" shaking her head shrugging what was she meant to say she never read or looked at it, he was one of the best though she would never tell him, looking at Kerry she was different she oozed confidence, had an air of authority about her seeing her looking at him her eyes piercing into his, a small almost smug smile on her, staring back at Kerry her gaze upon him watching as she tilts her head slightly to the side with the light of the moon shining upon her, damm seeing her lean back on the chair joining in the conversation with the others, seeing the smile on her face get bigger as she tosses her head back laughing, shaking his head, shit he's engaged, standing up "I'll see you in the morning"

….

Relaxing on the seat, waiting for the teams to come back from the exercise, navigating through the bush, getting back in time for a BBQ for the evening, sipping the glass of wine waiting, hearing Leons voice "you haven't made it too hard for them" facing the intel officer, the more she got to know him, she did like him and he was good at his job raising her eyes at him "Nothing is too hard, it all depends upon how you do it" shaking his head at his boss, she wasn't too bad and pretty easy to look at too, she was hard but he was beginning to like her "you are one cruel person Inspector" smiling at Leon "If I was cruel Leon, I would have you out there with them ….. better watch what you say next" seeing him nod at her a smile on her face when he turned around to his computer.

Looking up as the car arrives back seeing Lawson get out, "supplies of beer and meat" nodding at Lawson as he puts it in the esky, she thought he would take longer getting the stuff instead he is back here in record time "hope you kept to the speed limit Senior Sergeant" rolling his eyes at Kerry she was one confusing person, there were moments she let her guard down and joked with him other times she acted like she didn't want him up here, "lets hope they get back then before dark" looking at Kerry relaxed a smile on her face "you have made it possible" not even looking at Lawson "anything's possible if you put your mind to it" then facing him "its all about team work, if they work together they'll be fine … I really wouldn't want to spend the night out there though" shaking his head at her comment "I didn't think you knew what team work was … always trying to out do everyone and prove your better than them" raising her eyes at him "I am ….. just because I'm more intelligent than you, and can outsmart you, you can't stand that" continuing with a small shake of the head "that's not too hard" giving a small laugh at Kerry before picking up a beer looking at her briefly there were times like then, when she would banter with him and flirt before getting all serious again.

Turning to watch Lawson as he gets a beer leaning back on the seat "Lets just hope that Lawson can actually cook" looking at Kerry seeing her looking at him "oh please" watching as she leans back on her seat looking at her, the smile on her face seeing her eyes raise at him "You had no idea I was coming up, because you never looked at the information you were given" staring at him titling her head slightly giving a shrug, she wondered how long it would take him to work it out " leaning forward closer to Kerry "You needed someone to make it happen but you still need to be in control" shrugging her eyes moving around "what can I say I'm a control freak" then leaning forward closer to Lawson "I'm in charge, fully trained and operational and just as good as you and you can't stand that" maintaining her gaze, her face slightly smug, she was good and she knew it the fact that she had confidence and was tough seeing her move back in her chair her eyes still upon him as she sips her wine "you're having problems dealing with the fact I'm the one up here, the one you have to work with, and be around "then leaning slightly forward his eyes fixed on hers "which makes me wonder why ….. why you can't even be around me" leaning back in her chair away from Lawson, his gaze upon her, her eyes moving around not able to actually look at him, before turning back at him "I'm here around you now Lawson, even though I wonder why …. maybe because your such a smart arse" then watching as she tilts her head to the side, resting her elbow on the chair her gaze still upon him, why did he just want more of her, the little movements she made as she continues her eyes wide and raised "Or maybe I just don't want to be around you Lawson" giving a small laugh shaking his head at her there was something about her, something that he wished wasn't there despite what she said "there is more to it" seeing her blue eyes this time not moving away from his as she leans slightly forward "maybe you want there to be more to it" seeing her blue eyes not moving away from his as she tongue moves around her mouth, all he can do is look, the moment broken by voices. Looking up as she hears a noise, slight disappointment that the group is coming in, and relief she had no idea what just happened as she hears someone say "finally, I'm starving", "hey I thought I BBQ would already be on?" glancing briefly at Kerry noticing she had moved her chair away from him before getting up "what and give it away, with the smell"

….

Walking down to the river the following day, turning to the group, seeing them look around a the boat that was there and at each other "This afternoon we're going fishing… lets hope you catch something, otherwise there will be no dinner tonight" watching them look at each other talking amongst themselves "Just remember guys, this is crocodile country, keep all limbs inside the boat, don't fall overboard as I really don't want the paperwork. Anyone wearing white, you'll be taken first" smiling to herself as she continues "the tackle and bait/lures are in the boat, need to hook the lines yourselves."

Moving away to the side, getting a line a while later, even though she had lived in Darwin for 5 years she had never been Barramundi fishing, Chris had gone out many times, often coming back with nothing, she never understood what he saw in it. Watching Kerry struggle baiting the hook a smile on his face, finally something she wasn't good at, walking up to her, reaching out to get the line, his hand touching hers, seeing her look up at him, it wasn't his imagination he know she felt it too, realising his hand was still on hers as she pulls it away "I can do it myself Lawson" raising his eyes at her "would it actually hurt you to admit you needed help" looking at him still slightly rattled by his touch, it was the first time either since he came up that he had touched her "I don't need help" shaking his head at her a smile on his face "Really, just admit it Kerry your not perfect" a smile on her face her eyes moving from side to side "Oh I am perfect Lawson, you just need to start to believe it" watching as she hold up her hook "see, I don't need you help" watching as she stand up, loosing her balance slightly falling against him, feeling his hand on her arm his gaze upon her "Really" looking up at Lawson, his hand on her arm feeling his touch there, looking at him before turning away her voice soft "you can let go now" moving away from him, needing space to clear her head what was happening glancing at him, why did his touch affect her so much.

Moving away closer to the others, glancing at Kerry he knew she felt it too when they touched, surprised at what just happened, he had been there, hearing Stella's voice "When is Shan, coming up to Darwin" shrugging at Stella why did he for a moment forget he was engaged.

…..

Breaking up into groups of 2, she knew the time would come she would be paired up with Lawson, she couldn't avoid it any longer she had for a few days, it was only for one or two exercises today, helping each other through the exercises, she felt Lawson's hand on her arm lingering there for longer than need be turning to face him seeing his eyes staring into hers her arms tingling from his touch pulling her arm away.,. Climbing and moving through the under bush not totally concentrating, thinking back to the previous two days, she sent Lawson off to the shops to avoid being alone with him for too long, but even when he came back, something happened but she had no idea what, then fishing yesterday she lay awake for part of the night not able to sleep it had been 10 years since they had gone out, in which time both had moved on, they were both adults now both in relationships or in her case more, why can't she tell him the truth, tripping over feeling a pair of arms wrapping around her waist feeling them steadying her not game enough to look up at his face feeling her heart racing, damm she really needs to concentrate. Regaining her balance she looks up at him, seeing his face full of concern his eyes looking down at her his arms still wrapped around her staring up at him it would be so tempting just to stay here, looking up at his eyes seeing him looking at her, their gaze intent, damm Lawson why couldn't they send someone else up here. Pulling away from him "we're never going to finish at this rate"

Leaving his hand on Kerry's arm he was sure she felt it too, seeing her turn to look at him, holding her gaze how he wanted to kiss her, all thoughts of anything but Kerry left his mind, forgetting for the time being where he was, concern in his eyes "You ok" his arms still around her waist not wanting to let her go.

…..

Sitting at the table on the final night, finishing off the drinks, watching as everyone gets up going off to the cabins for the nights, looking at Lawson she didn't want to be alone with him, she had no idea what had been happening the past few days, she kept glancing at him watching him, his athletic build she didn't want to go back to her cabin yet. Leaning back on the chair looking out over the training area "this worked out quite well in the end" nodding at Kerry he had learnt some things too "the fishing trip was a nice bonus for them all" getting up off the chair the need to clear her head, she felt something when doing the team events with him, the fishing trip when he baited her line for her, there was something there, his hand lingering on hers longer than needed, not looking at him " Good night ….. I'm going for a walk" getting up off the chair he didn't want to let the evening end they were leaving tomorrow, he saw her looking at him when she thought he wasn't looking, he couldn't help but watch her too, the concentration on her face at times and when she smiles her whole face lights up, she was fit and kept up with every one of them "Want some company" looking at Lawson the past week spending it with the team, the drinks each night she was getting to know him again, she saw the qualities that she fell for last time she was trying to keep her distance from him, trying to keep distance between them, each time she saw her getting closer to him pulling away making sure he knew it was professional, she couldn't let her feelings for him come to the surface or her secret, wanting to say no she knows she should but seeing him look at her taking her back to all those years ago, she ends up smiling at him nodding.

Stopping and looking out over the plains towards the river she sees Lawson looking at her the feelings she was hiding all those years ago were starting to surface again "Lets just say we're both adults here Kerry" seeing Kerry look at him her eyes slightly raised, there was something about her when she looked at him intently "we had something all those years, ago, I come back, there is still something there between us what is stopping us, you like me, and I like you" looking at Lawson her eyes wide she didn't expect this from him "who says I like you" giving a short laugh, smiling at her comment moving towards her "I've seen the way you look at me" leaning closer to him her eyes wide raising her eyebrows "like what Lawson like what" smiling at Kerry he should know she wouldn't admit anything he also knows she felt it too, he saw her glancing at him throughout the week "the past week Kerry I know I'm not imagining it, when you fell you felt it too and fishing, what happened all those years ago" rolling her eyes at him she can't go there, she doesn't even want to admit she is developing feelings for him she didn't break up because she didn't love him, she did love him but thought she wasn't good enough, had those feelings really gone away "Don't Lawson that was so long ago …. We both have partners" Lawson, looking at Kerry his voice low he knows he is engaged he shouldn't even be talking like this his words just coming out, he has no control " Yeah I know but say we didn't" seeing Kerry look at him what if they were single could they start over again, he was only here for 3 months "If we did ….. they shouldn't ….. sometimes it feels like yesterday….. I did love you Kerry the first moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to go out with you" leaning closer to Kerry, he sees her eyes fixed on his how much did he have to drink her voice soft in a whisper "I loved you too Lawson" there was something about him the moment he walked into the training and her eyes met his, it only took a few days before they went out, she had loved him nearly straight away, "it just wasn't… Lawson …" unable to continue her eyes moving away from him over the river, trying to remain strong and fight the feelings of infidelity. Seeing Lawson leaning towards her, she knows she should pull away but her body isn't letting her she knows it is wrong, what if Chris finds out but all she can see is Lawson looking back up into his eyes seeing his mouth move down towards her, what would one kiss hurt she wants to feel his mouth upon hers, without thinking she moves her mouth towards his, his kiss sweet and lingering, wrapping his arms around her body, pulling her closer to him his hunger for her and desire all coming out in his kiss as she wraps her arms around his body losing herself in the kiss.

Picking up her clothes off the ground, shit what just happened, she was kissing Lawson that was all it was meant to be nothing else just one small kiss, now looking at Lawson putting his pants back on she runs her hand over her hair if kissing someone else wasn't bad enough, what was having sex then quickly putting her clothes on shaking her head "shit shit this never should of happened, shit shit, shit Lawson" moving over towards her, pushing her hair off her face he never expected this to happen "Kerry it just happened, we didn't plan it" pushing him away from her his touch so gentle, her thoughts said out loud even as she said it sounding stupid "shit, do you realise what we both just did" not wanting to think about what just happened shit he was engaged to Shannon and here he was sleeping with his boss but looking at Kerry the moon shining on her hair damm why did she have to look so beautiful, why did she have to be his boss "yeah". Walking back to the campsite in silence she feels Lawson's hand reaching for hers holding hers not wanting to let go, she feels him stroking her hand, for some reason it felt right looking up at him a small smile forming was it really 10 years ago that she was going out with him, shaking her head shit she was with Chris now, pulling her hand away from Lawson it was wrong it was so wrong so why did it feel so right and she wanted to let him continue holding and stroking her hand "it will be ok Kerry" not replying she could only hope so and that Chris would never find out what had happened, swearing it would never happen again.

…..

Packing up the cars the following morning, Kerry can't look at Lawson, staying awake for most of the night staring at the ceiling, she could still feel his lips upon hers, him inside of her, she didn't want to admit it, but it was amazing she felt alive again. Sorting out the transport arrangements, she finds Lawson in the passenger seat not wanting to draw attention to it the glare hopefully was enough, after dropping the others in her car off to spend the weekend with their family they head back to Darwin, she can't look at him staring straight ahead on the road trying to concentrate on driving. Hearing Lawson's voice "I don't think we can avoid it Kerry" not even looking at Lawson knowing what he is talking about "avoid what?" shaking his head, damm why can't she even glance at him "Last night Kerry … are we going to pretend it just never happened" glancing briefly at Lawson that is exactly what she was planning to do as immature as it sounded she didn't want to think or talk about it she wanted to forget it happened "I don't want to even think about" her voice barely audible talking more to herself "I feel sick" wanting to reach out and touch her the glare enough to stop him "because of what happened between us" biting her lip her tongue moving over her lip her eyes darting side to side before going back on the road rolling her eyes what else did he think she was talking about " Shit Lawson …. As if kissing you wasn't bad enough … I had sex with you" finally looking at him briefly her voice soft "I cheated on Chris" reaching out to touch her hand, he watches as she pulls it away from him like it was on fire "it will be OK, neither Chris nor Shannon have to find out" hoping it was true, he hasn't even looked at his phone, partly not wanting to hear Shannon's voice sure there was a message on it from her despite his reassurance to Kerry he did feel guilty about what happened but for some reason he wanted it to happen again but no idea why.

Pulling up at base turning to face Lawson "Just stay away from me" a smirk forming on his face "bit hard when we work together" her eyes fixed on his not a smile on her face "don't be a smart arse Lawson, you know what I mean" watching her as she drives off.

Driving towards home, will Chris be there, stopping on the side of the road, banging her head against the steering wheel damm why did she want more, why didn't she feel guilty.

…..


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thank you to everyone who is reading it. Hope you continue too and for the reviews**_

_**Sorry something happened and it reposted the same chapter twice so here is the proper Chapter **_

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Walking out of base for the day, the jobs so far not that different from Melbourne but also a lot of just ordinary police jobs too, seeing Kerry's car still there, looking around everyone else was walking out, he hadn't spoken to her much except for work related issues since the trip away, even then it was brief. He noticed she was making sure she wasn't around him. Seeing the last team member leaving he walks towards the communications room seeing Leon pick up his bag waving to him walking back to Kerry's office seeing the door open he walks in.

Looking up she had thought everyone had left, seeing Lawson there she had been doing a great job avoiding him for the past week, she had a professional working relationship with him and that was all it should be, they both have someone else.

Looking up at Lawson saying nothing but raising her eyes at him waiting for him to speak, seeing him close the door "what are you doing here Lawson". Watching as he walks over to her pushing her hair away from her face, it loose hanging down to her shoulders. Feeling Lawson's touch on her face trying to ignore the goosebumps and the way he was making her feel pushing him away putting her hands up. "Don't ….. Lawson just go home, go and ring Shannon or something" Seeing him staring at her she moves her eyes away from him "this is about you and me" Standing up from her desk, she needs to get out of there, feeling helpless as she watches him move towards her, feeling his hand on her face his touch gentle as he caresses her cheek whispering to her "do you still want me to leave" wanting to say yes, she finds herself shaking her head, all rational thinking leaving her body looking into his eyes, there is confidence there but also longing as he whispers "does your door have a lock" all she can do is nod her voice seeming to leave her, where is the strong person she used to be the one who could say get out instead all she can do is watch as Lawson walks over to the door locking it. Why can't she listen to the voices in her head that are telling her it is wrong, instead her heart seems to be overruling everything.

Following Lawson towards her door, watching as he turns around feeling Lawson's arms around her as his hand fingers move back to her face tilting her face upward, his touch so gentle looking up into his eyes slight uncertainty there but the hunger in his eyes for her, her voice barely a whisper and audible "this is my office, I can't ….. this is my office" feeling Lawson's gaze upon hers her eyes slightly down "you are so beautiful" looking at him her eyes full of want as his lips find hers the kiss soft and brief not able to look up at him her voice still soft feeling Lawson's lips upon her, her words silenced, he whispers "I thought you like taking risks" before his lips reach hers again feeling his hands move down her body as her leg lifts up his hand supporting it as there kissing becomes more feverent. Closing her eyes feeling Lawson's lips upon hers, she can't do this, she can't cheat on Chris, pulling back and pushing him away seeing the slightly confused look on his face her voice a whisper "this is my office,…. I've never done anything like this before" looking at Lawson walking away "I can't do this"

…..

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Driving down Arnhem highway the first major test for her group, it wasn't exactly what tactical response was trained for, but it gave them a start to understanding and helping in search and rescue, some of the team flying in, some driving. She had done a few of these but wanted to see how her team coped.

Arriving at the creek looking around, seeing Lawson and the other Senior Sergeant Matt taking charge getting the job down on hand, all working together watching as a crocodile Management guy walks up to them she makes her way down to them "What's happening" listening to them all "we're sending Stella, Mike and Steve on the boat with the ranger to see if they can find the crocodile or body, we're going to comb the area and see what we find" hearing Matt "if we can find the crocodile we can then concentrate on that area, but with the tides the boy could be anywhere" nodding at them she glances towards the water knowing the situation all too well "do they know what happened, did they see it" seeing Lawson shake his head as Matt walks off "No, the boys were playing in the creek and got separated, they didn't hear a noise or splash but they couldn't find him" shaking her head sadly "when will they learn, keep me updated" before walking off.

…..

Running down to Stokes Hill wharf that night even in the 3 years she had been up in Darwin and called out to what happened today, trying to forget the images that is if they are lucky enough to find the body, or part of it. The worse cases were the crocodiles showing off the body in their mouth, would people ever learn and stay out of the water, they were only kids today 12 years old, not much older than Sarah, hopefully she knew. She was impressed how the team came together, watching Lawson with the mother later on she couldn't help but watch. Sitting on the seat overlooking the harbour, she would never tire of watching the sunset over the water with the outlines in the distance, in a way lucky enough to live where she can jog around the paths of the beaches she never wanted to live in a suburb with the mansions despite what Chris wanted she didn't want anything fancy something simple and nice was ok.

Watching Kerry leaning back on the seat, he had come down to the wharf for a drink after work and a meal, not wanting to go back to the apartment not after today he had hoped not to have to go through that often, now he realised what Kerry meant a few weeks ago, walking over to her not waiting for an invitation sitting next to her, seeing the surprise on her face.

Looking next to her, surprised to see Lawson, shit dressed in jeans and shirt seeing his eyes fixed on her, her voice not welcoming "you've got to leave me alone" looking at Lawson no warmth in her eyes "what do you want? " looking at Kerry her voice cold "why are you like that?" then his voice low and soft moving his hand closer to her leg "I can't stop thinking about you" looking at Lawson not admitting the same he had been on her mind ever since she had slept with him, she couldn't get him out of her head not that she would admit it she was trying to act normal around Chris "are you mad" giving a short laugh at Kerry if thinking about her all the time was "Maybe ….. You know you are so beautiful smart and sexy, just like you were 10 years ago" her eyes fixed ahead over the water she can't look at him, she can feel his gaze upon her "Don't Lawson" reaching out for her hand, casually holding it "I can't help it Kerry" pulling her hand away, not able to look at him her eyes down before glancing around the wharf, she needs to be strong "You need to get over this Lawson ….. it would never work out ….. it ….. I" reaching out turning her face to look at him "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want this as much as I do" trying to look him in the face before looking away her eyes going side to side "its too …. Its wrong … there are so many reasons why this can't happen" feeling his hand on her leg, running it up and down closing her eyes briefly taking a deep breath trying to control her emotions "I ca … Lawson" looking at her his gaze intent "Forget about all the wrong reasons, we both want this, Kerry" her eyes not able to look at him but around the wharf she did feel something and wanted to feel his touch again but she did have more to loose something she didn't or couldn't tell him, as much as she didn't want to admit it, there were some feelings there, she did want to feel his lips on hers again and if she was truthful she wanted more but there was Chris could she do it to him "Lawson, I'm with someone …. For that matter so are you" nodding at her trying to get her to look at him "I know this is dangerous we're both in relationships, you're my boss …. I know but I felt something there" looking at Lawson she had felt it too could she do it again looking at Lawson the answer was there, her resistance wavering there was something about him still, watching Kerry get up off the seat walking away before she turns to look at him waiting for him a smile on his face he gets up to follow her.

Driving back to the wharf a few hours later, Lawson turns to Kerry he needs to know "any regrets" looking at Lawson despite it all she didn't have any yet, when she hopped in the car she actually wasn't thinking what was about to happen between them, truth was she didn't want to think if she did, maybe she would have regrets and guilt this way was better. Stopping off at her car as she undoes the seatbelt she feels Lawsons arms around her as he kisses her passionately but briefly looking at her "I don't know whether I'm forcing you into this." His voice soft "I know you pretend to be in control, but you're not" shaking her head keeping his gaze her hand reaches out for his cheek before moving her hand away her eyes look down at the floor of his car her voice soft "You're not forcing me. I... I can't seem to control myself" getting out of his car walking towards her car blocking out Chris from her head despite it all she felt alive, deep down knowing what they were doing was wrong, but now she wanted more she wanted to see him again, feel his touch there was no turning back yet and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

….

Walking up the path looking around, deep down she knew she shouldn't be here, but with Chris away and Sarah at a friends place, she got Lawson's text "I'm here alone come over" it didn't take her long to hop in her car and drive over but here now, sitting in the car, she knows she can explain her presence here if anyone found out walking up to the front door she had no sooner knocked than it was open, seeing Lawson standing there in shorts and a top a smile on his face "I didn't think you would come" moving closer towards her pulling her towards him quickly kissing him before pulling away, what is she doing here, sleeping with Lawson once was a mistake but more than that it is wrong. Picking up the glass of wine, sipping it she looks around the apartment it was neater than she imagined but he was always pretty neat. Watching as Lawson walks over to her putting his glass down, pushing her hair away from her face his lips nibbling her ear feeling his arms around her, moving away "I didn't come here to…." Looking at Kerry in slight amusement why did she "to what …" looking down putting her glass down, why did she come she felt like a school girl "to you know" seeing amusement on Lawson's face at her he knew what she was trying to say "you need to spell it out" trying to tell him, why couldn't she just come out and say it, no doubt he was wondering why she was here, was that why he invited her over "to have sex" there it was said seeing the look of amusement still on Lawson's face trying to control a smirk "why did you come here?" putting her glass down walking towards the balcony "wanted to see what the view was like and to drop off this paper work for you" seeing Lawson raise his eyes at her "You thought now was a good time" looking at the view before turning back to Lawson, her eyes moving around "it's the only time I've been invited up here". Standing out on the balcony looking out to the see the view was great, she felt like a school kid again, feeling Lawson's arms around her not even realising she is leaning back towards him why did she come over, did she want something to happen, did she want more, feeling Lawson's fingers moving her hair away from her neck as she feels his lips upon her neck moving down trying to get her breathing under control as his hands move around her breasts and stomach, turning around to face him her arms wrapped around his neck as his lips meet hers the kissing becoming more passionate. Opening her eyes, she can't do this, she can't have sex with Lawson kissing him was one thing, pushing him away gently "I've got to go" grabbing her bag, closing the door, trying to get her breathing back under control why did she come over, was it only to give Lawson the paper work looking at the door to his apartment, does she really want to leave shaking her head, hurrying over to the lift. Standing next to the lift, leaning against it staring at the closed door rubbing her hand over her face, why was he having such an affect on her, it wasn't like her relationship with Chris was great at the moment was that a reason, was it the reason, no her feelings for him are coming back she can't go there as much as she wants to can she really do it, can she sleep with Lawson isn't that why she came over wasn't it why Lawson asked her over, finally pressing the button, the need to get out of there away from the temptation, watching as the door opens and Lawson comes out walking towards her.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thank you to everyone who is reading it. Hope you continue too, **_

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Watching Kerry grab her bag and hurry out, did he want to push her into sleeping with him again, he just wanted to be with her, the other night was great in the car, all they did was kiss, he did want more but not yet, not wanting her to leave the need to give he the space, opening the door, would she still be outside. Looking at her at the lift seeing her turn around looking at him, her mouth slightly open her eyes staring at him, walking over to her, putting his hand against the lift looking down into her eyes, seeing her move towards him as his lips meet hers, pulling her towards him, the desire there feeling her respond to him, as they make their way back to his apartment.

Watching Lawson walk up to her, his hand against the lift his eyes looking down at her, longing and desire in his eyes nothing said looking up at him, she wants him, all her self control going, trying to fight her infidelity no longer able to, if she was honest with herself she knew what was going to happen when she came over and deep down she wanted it but couldn't say it out aloud or admit it, she wanted to be with Lawson he made her feel something like she hadn't in a long time, they didn't have sex the other night in the car did she want to again with him. Moving slowly towards him her eyes fixed on his, their lips meet, wrapping her arms around him responding to his kissing.

Lying in bed a couple of hours later feeling Lawson stroking her hair and face, despite what she was doing it did feel right, even though it was so wrong closing her eyes she remembers back to Lawson leading her to the bedroom watching as he fumbled in the drawer getting out a condom moving slightly so he could put it on, looking into his eyes slight nervousness there pushing Chris to the back of her mind, closing her eyes as she kisses him, feeling him enter her this time she knew what she was doing unlike the mistake last time feeling his lips upon hers, she opened her eyes staring at him by now she wasn't even thinking she didn't want to then she might have regrets or realise what she was actually doing.

Hearing her phone ring, answering it looking at Lawson "I have to go, mind if I have a shower first" seeing him nod as he watches her walk to the bathroom, before putting his clothes back on, what was happening, all he knows is he wants more, is this what he wanted when he asked her over, what ever it was, she was here, and he didn't want to let her go, he wanted more of her, the stark reminder as she picks up her bag leaving that she is within someone, and so is he.

Leaning against the wall of the shower as the water runs over her, hearing Sarah's voice on the phone here she was with her father what was she doing, the problem was she didn't want to stop anymore, all thoughts of Chris or anything else gone from her mind, it felt good and she wanted more of it.

…..

Walking into base at the end of a shift Lawson the day long made longer by the fact he wanted to spend time with Kerry but unable to the days long for the past week, walking into the communications room hoping to catch a glimpse of her as he looks around, seeing a young girl there, sitting at the desk behind Leon then looking at Leon confused. Smiling at Lawson's confused face Leon can't wait to see the look on Lawson's face when he tells who she is, he didn't even know until a short time ago, when he saw them walk in together and the child calling her mum. "You want to know who the girl is" staring nearly glaring at Leon "is she lost?" shaking his head enjoying every minute of it "no her mother works here and her name is Sarah" looking back at the girl then Leon there is only one person he can think off, and she never mentioned it to him not once. Smiling to himself seeing Lawson thinking it out, Leon sees Kerry walking out of her cubicle.

Walking out of her cubicle, Kerry looks up the surprise on her face "shit" she didn't want Lawson here, not now, seeing him look at her then back down at Sarah she didn't' want him to meet her not now not ever. Seeing Sarah look up at her trying to put a smile on her face "get your things we're going" feeling Lawson's glare upon her, as she turns her back to him, picking up her bag and Sarah's things "I haven't finished yet" collecting the rest of her thing putting them in her bag "tough, we have to go Sarah, you can finish it at home" seeing the scowl on her face her hands on her hips standing there "Sarah, I don't have time for this, get in the car or stay here" walking towards the car seeing Sarah standing there a glare on her face "Fine Sarah, stay here, you won't get any dinner here" looking up at her mum glaring at her "you can't cook anyway" taking a deep breath, her eyes looking up slightly seeing a smirk on Leon's face wanting to laugh, glaring at him her eyes warning him before turning back to Sarah "just get in the bloody car now" watching her stomp towards her car "You are so mean, I don't like you, why can't Dad pick me up" rolling her eyes sighing as she watches Sarah hop in "Sarah, I really don't care, because he can't" whispering softly "cause your dad is here now"

Watching Kerry walk away with Sarah stopping before following her, Lawson turns to Leon needing to know, not believing what he saw "that isn't ….." not able to say the word seeing Leon nod "Yep that is Kerry's daughter?"

Sitting in her car, her head against the wheel, shit why did she bring Sarah here, let her stay here, she never wanted Lawson to see her, would he know, no he had to find out how old she was. Hearing a voice bring her out of her thoughts "Mum, are we just going to stay here, you told me we had to go or are we going home" moving her head away from the wheel, turning to look at her daughter, she can see Lawson in her, she might have her blue eyes and dimples but there was so much of Lawson in her. Hearing herself say "how about we go and get some Ice cream" she needed to think, not go home and see Chris even though she wasn't the best mother she didn't usually snap at her daughter.

Sitting across from Sarah watching the ice cream go over her face a smile forming, was it really 10 years ago she actually thought about not having the baby, giving her up or terminating the pregnancy looking at her daughter now, it is hard to believe but she didn't want to be a single mother again it was hard enough with James she was much younger then, but she still didn't have the support she wanted, she would have a baby and a 12 year old, a single mother to a kid and a baby. There were so many times through the 9 months when she wanted to give it up, not go through with it, but once she was born the love she felt she knew she couldn't give the baby up no matter how hard it was, she was determined to be a better mother this time a better mother than her own, despite it all she was, Chris had been a big help, when she met him, and Sarah was 2 ½ then James leaving when he was 18 to go to Uni then America, in a way he couldn't wait to leave, she knew that. Watching Sarah finish her ice cream walking out of the shop, drawing her towards her, she did love Sarah, she mightn't show it all the time or in the best way, she was pretty sure that she knew, feeling Sarah's arms wrap around her kissing the top of her head, she didn't want Lawson to know, what good was it now 10 years later, before heading to the car.

…..

Walking into work the next day Lawson needs to see Kerry, how could she keep something like the fact SHE HAD A DAUGHTER from him "Kerry" hearing her name she turns around her face showing nothing as she faces him, her eyes look around ensuring they are by themselves "were you going to tell me you had a daughter?" her mouth slightly open her tongue moving around she should of guessed he would of made a big deal of it all if that was all he guessed then she was safe, shaking her head "why …. it makes no difference Lawson" looking at him his mouth open in surprise his eyes fixed on her "umm yes it does, you have a daughter Kerry" rolling her eyes why did he have to go all Mr Blake on her making a bigger deal than it was "Yes Lawson I she is my daughter, we're not in a relationship or have one Lawson, you didn't have to know …. what is your problem …. Despite the obvious ones" not even smiling at Kerry what was his problem, why did it bother him so much she had a daughter, maybe the fact it meant she would never leave her partner for him, if there was a child involved "I Just wished you would of told me," looking at Lawson her mouth going around her mouth, would he wonder how old she was "Does this change things for you?" shrugging at Kerry did it, seeing her blue eyes staring at him her mouth slightly open "Is that what you want, does it change things for you ….. I want .." Not able to say it, he wanted her more and more each time he saw her or was with her he didn't want to say goodbye to her looking at Kerry "How old is she?" biting her lip she didn't want him to know her exact age or to talk to her "about 9" nodding at Kerry as he hears her voice "If its too much for you" shrugging at her "I don't know" walking away from Kerry he needs time to think did it make a difference to him to them, was it just sex to him or was it more, is that what the problem was, did he want a relationship with her, dam he was already in one,.

Watching as he walks away, there was no way she was going to tell him earlier even now watching him walk out, she wanted him back, she wanted him.

Walking into the base at the end of the shift, his mind preoccupied all shift he had made up his mind, it didn't take him long, each time her voice came through the com, his mind going back to it all, yes she did have a daughter but despite it all he knew one thing. Walking towards her office he sees her coming out a small smile on her face, looking around reaching for her hand pulling her towards the broom cupboard, knowing there will be no one around for a while. Seeing her eyes looking up at his searching his for answers his voice soft "I can't give you up" as his lips find hers his kiss soft at first filling with intensity, his hands moving down to her bum lifting her leg up. His lips nibbling down her neck undoing her shift and pants, lifting her up onto a shelf as her legs wrap around his waist. Feeling her hands going through his hair moving down his back as there kissing gets more feverent, he can't give her up not now, not ever it is more than sex to him, despite deep down knowing he might end up getting hurt by it all it is a risk he is willing to take.

…..

Walking into the base she had never been there she wanted to surprise Lawson, able to get a few days off work in Melbourne it seemed ages since she had seen her boyfriend, she didn't speak as much to him on the phone, his work taking up a lot of time she had missed him so much TR wasn't the same without him there nor Stella, she couldn't wait to see both of them again.

Hearing a noise in the communications room Leon sees Shannon walk in getting up off his seat "I didn't know you were coming up, Lawson didn't say anything he's still out" smiling at Leon "I didn't tell him, thought I would surprise him will he be long out there."

Hearing something coming from the communications room, Kerry walks out of the office seeing a lady with Leon "care to explain what is going on here Leon". Seeing Kerry staring at Shannon and back at him, her eyes firmly planted on him "This is Shannon" she didn't need Leon to go on, she knew who Shannon was or the name anyway as Leon continued "Lawson's girlfriend, Shan, this is Kerry, Superintendent Vincent" trying not to stare she wondered what Shannon looked like, of course the partners were never mentioned what they had was mainly just sex that was all she wanted to think it was nothing else "Lawson's still out, you can wait in the staff room … Leon show her where to wait" looking at Lawson's boss, she didn't know what to expect Lawson never talked about her much, when ever she asked about her his answers were brief, she wondered if they got on well, Stel would know "Do you know how long Lawson will be?" shrugging at Shannon "as long as it takes" then softening "if they aren't on a call or get one, they finish at 6" walking towards her office, Lawson never mentioned her coming up

Hearing the cars come back for the day, Leon walks out to Lawson "You have a visitor" looking at Leon the smirk on his face "who is it?" enjoying not telling Lawson "they are having a seat waiting for you". Walking inside wondering who it was, he seems them as they run down the hallway into his arms, surprise on his face, he never expected Shannon to come up to Darwin she never mentioned it. Shit he had planned on something special for Kerry, feeling her lips upon his "How long are you up here for?" looking up at Lawson he did seem very surprised to see her and was it slight disappointment walking towards his car "I go back Monday night, do you have the weekend off ….. suppose I should of checked before coming up …. Just wanted to see you, couldn't wait any longer" smiling at his girlfriend at the way she was going on looking down at her, seeing Shannon leaning up towards him, the kiss quick "You're in luck I do have the weekend off, have to work tomorrow though ….. anything special you want to do?" looking up at Lawson stopping wrapping her arms around his neck finding his lips "I'll give you some ideas" feeling him respond finally to her kisses. Feeling Shannon wrapping her arms around him it will be a long 4 days, he should be happy to see her, it had been a couple of months since he left and not seen Shannon, was he actually having feelings towards Kerry. Reaching for her hand "Let's start with dinner and a walk around Darwin" walking towards the car wondering where he can take her, there were so many places he had been with Kerry, not wanting to be seen in public, driving to secluded places before parking the car, shit he hoped there were no used condoms in the car.

Walking out to her car opening it, Kerry stops seeing Lawson and Shannon walking out, shit what was she doing watching Shannon look at Lawson her eyes full of love, seeing Lawson look at her his eyes apologetic.

Turning to face Shannon "My car is out there, I quickly have to see Kerry" nodding at Lawson glancing quickly at his boss, he never mentioned her to her, their conversations about work never included her, seeing Kerry looking at them both quickly she was attractive she wondered what she looked like she looked confident and there was something about her, she just didn't know what, she was nothing like she had imagined or pictured turning back to Lawson "Is Stel still here" nodding a smile pasted on his face "I think in the locker room" watching Shannon walking away, before walking towards Kerry his voice low nearly at a whisper "I'm sorry I didn't even know she was coming up, she goes home Monday night" nodding at Lawson she didn't need an explanation she didn't want one "Did you want tomorrow off" looking at Kerry in surprise, how could she be so casual about it all, did he hope she would be jealous, is that what he wanted "What … You want to give me time off work" nodding at Lawson her face neutral, showing nothing as he says "No ….. I want to work" truth was he did, having Shannon up here as going to be complicated and he wanted or needed to see Kerry, even if he couldn't touch her he needed to see her "you don't mind that Shannon is up here, it doesn't bother you?" shaking her head at Lawson, it didn't she did enjoy the sex with him but that was all it was she didn't want to feel anything else she couldn't, she didn't want to develop any feelings for him, any more than she already did she didn't even want to think about what she was doing "no, should it?" looking at Kerry, he wondered if he meant anything to her, despite it all every time he kisses her or slept with her there was no denying there was something then hearing Kerry's voice "we both have partners, I live with Chris that shouldn't bother you" looking at Kerry as she gets in the car the last sentence it did bother him in a way, he wanted her to come home to him, in a way he also wanted Shannon hearing Kerry's voice "see you tomorrow, if you want it off, let me know" before getting in the car, driving out of TR glancing in the mirror as Shannon walks out, wrapping her arms around Lawson, driving out before she sees any more. She would never admit it to herself or anyone if it did bother her having Shannon up here would it bother her if he went home to her each night like she did with Chris.

….


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you to everyone who is reading it. Hope you continue too and if you like it please review it. **_

_**,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,**_

Walking out of the club the sun starting to shine through, turning to Shannon "where to next?" shaking her head at her friend "aren't you meant to be at work?" shrugging "its not everyday my friend comes up to Darwin … with Lawson working its my duty to show you a good time, at least Kerry could of given him the day off" laughing at Stella "This is Lawson Blake Stella, do Kerry and Lawson get on" nodding at Shannon wondering what she was getting at, they got on better than she and her did "As far as I'm aware of, she was a bitch to me in the beginning, but Lawson thought the sun shone out of her arse" then facing her friend "Why?" shrugging not looking at Stella "he had to talk to her before we left, then he was really strange afterwards" looking at Shannon trying to focus "strange as in how? This is Lawson we're talking about he's always strange" giving a small laugh "I don't know, it was like something happened between them an argument he was just ….. different he…. he was just distracted for a little while" grabbing her friends shoulder "I wouldn't worry about it Shan, Lawson is just a strange person and Kerry is weird and a bitch but you and me are going to have some fun still"

Seeing Kerry walk into work Leon turns to face her "Stella called in sick" looking at Leon her eyes piercing through him "what's wrong with her" shrugging not going to tell Kerry the truth not able to look at her, typing away at the computer "not sure, said she should be alright for work tomorrow" seeing Kerry walking towards him "Is Shannon still up in Darwin" ignoring Kerry's question he is sure what she is thinking. Seeing Leon ignore her question her voice louder "Leon" shrugging not willing to tell the truth "I'm not sure, you need to ask Lawson" her voice firm with warning in it "Leon" biting his lip, knowing Stella will kill him, not sure what is worse Stella or Kerry "I think so" nodding, she is sure where Stella is, if she is right she is out "Is Lawson out or still here" pointing to the locker room "he's on his way out"

Storming towards the locker room, seeing Lawson there her voice firm trying to control the anger she is feeling "Lawson" looking up seeing Kerry's face walking towards her the anger in her eyes even the way she walked "Yes Kerry" "did you know Stella called in sick today, you wouldn't know anything about that" looking at Kerry he was pretty sure where Stella was, the same place Shannon was all night, slightly annoyed that he had to work so went out partying with Stella last night, he thought she would come back early hours of the morning "Nothing, she didn't say anything to me" seeing Kerry's eyes boring into his, he knew she didn't take any bullshit, but the need to protect Stella there. Walking over closer to Lawson her face inches from his "if I find she is out with your girlfriend she is out of this squad and can catch the same plane as Shannon. If you talk to either of them, you can tell her to get her butt in her before the end of the shift and she better be sober too. You can take a PBT before your shift too, If I find out you knew anything about it or have a reading you can join them" before walking out.

Watching Kerry walk out, damm Stella he knew she would be with Shannon, but watching Kerry what was with her, was it to do with Shannon?

…

Hanging up the phone, Leon calls Lawson, "can you get to Palmerston Police Station, Stella is there she was caught driving under the influence, not pulling over and speeding to name a few." Closing his eyes shit, he can't let Kerry find out about it what was Stella or Shannon thinking "Yeah Leon, I'll be there soon, and don't let Kerry find out"

Hanging up her mobile storming out to the communications room "get me Lawson" looking up at Kerry, having a bad feeling she has just found out about Stella "he's on a job at the moment" looking up at the screen seeing the dot saying TR1 what she thought confirmed "what and where's the job Leon?" seeing Kerry's eyes fixed her lips in a straight line "somewhere in Darwin and shots fired" hearing Kerry's voice with a warning in it "Leon" not looking at Kerry, knowing both Lawson and Stella will not be happy likely kill him "on his way to Howard Springs" leaning closer to Leon if Lawson thought he could get away with anything "Not going to Palmerston Police station by any chance?" shrugging trying to move back from her "why would he go there?" seeing Kerry leaning down towards him "do you like your balls where they are?" laughing nervously at Kerry's serious face as she moves away from him "I'm off to Palmerston Police station" biting his lips shit, how did she find out, quickly dialling Lawson's number "Kerry is on her way to Palmerston Police Station"

Walking into the police station, she sees Lawson sitting on a chair with Shannon walking up to him her voice close to his her voice full of meaning and firm "see me back at the station after this" before turning to Shannon "You and Stella can go back to Melbourne, she doesn't need this on her record, nor does TR need her in it" looking at Kerry she has confidence and authority about her "hang on, no one makes Stella do anything, you can't do that to her" turning to face Shannon not even looking at Lawson "just watch me" then turning to Lawson "Just get out of here and take her with you" before walking up to the desk.

Walking out of the police station with Shannon shaking his head at her "don't Lawson" standing on the path looking at his girlfriend "Shit Shannon, do you two have any idea what you have done. Stella was meant to be at work today, and now this" looking at Lawson, things were starting to change between them she could feel it, what should be a happy time she wasn't so sure anymore it was like he didn't want her up there "Its called fun Lawson maybe you should try it" giving a small laugh "what ending up in the cells ….. I'll drop you off at the apartment". Watching Lawson get out of the car with his girlfriend, the other two team members Steve and Katie watch "wonder how long he will be" laughing at Steve "she is leaving tonight"

Walking Shannon up he can tell she is angry at him maybe he should of taken time off, instead of taking the easy way out and avoiding her, his guilt here now she is up here but the desire to be with Kerry. Entering the apartment walking up to Shannon "I'm sorry Shan, if I knew you were coming up, I could off gotten some time off" turning to face Lawson looking into his eyes trying to search for some answers "I get the feeling you don't even want me up here… that things are changing between us" pulling her towards him, he had hoped he hadn't come across like that, he didn't know what to think "I do want you up here Shannon …. Its just the new job, it won't be forever." Leaning down finding her lips kissing her quickly "I'll be back to take you to the airport" nodding at Lawson "l'll see you then" watching him walk out, even his words didn't give her the assurance she wanted.

Walking out of the cell Stella looks up shit why was Kerry here, she was hoping Lawson would turn up, the look on her face saying more than words could. Following Kerry out after signing all the paperwork, not a word said between them "give me one good reason Stel, why I shouldn't fire you now, why I should let you come back to work" looking at Kerry not knowing what to say she loved her job "I'm sorry" looking at her as they walk to the car "I've given you chances Stella and you keep throwing them back in my face" walking along with Kerry all she can say "I'm sorry" looking at Stella over the top of her car before hopping in "I've put a lot of work into you, and what happens " looking at Kerry her eyes not as hard "I'm sorry" looking at Stella before hopping in the car "Say that once more and you will be" Driving along Stella stares straight ahead, what started out as a fun night ended up in the cells. Nearing closer to the city "what happens now?" glancing at Stella "what do you think should happen" shrugging her voice soft "Nothing" stopping at the lights, looking at Stella "Nothing ….. what we just forget it and let you come back to work" biting her lips she wanted the job up here, yes Kerry was hard but she was a pretty good boss to work for some of the time "I don't know what you want me to say" shaking her head "Stel"

Driving into base, she sees Stella looking at her "what happens now Kerry" her face neutral she really did like Stella "get cleaned up, then come and see me" nodding at Kerry why couldn't she just tell her what was happening "Do I still have a job here" shrugging at Stella as she walks away "Not sure yet"

Walking into the communications room "Is Lawson back yet?" looking up at Kerry she was in a slightly better mood than he though, shaking his head "not yet?" picking up the headset and putting it on "Lawson get back to base now, Matt I need you back at base too" hearing Kerry's voice over the coms he could still hear the anger in it, damm hopping in the car the smirk on the other two's faces "Kerry is calling for you Lawson, she wants you back at base" deep in thought "she can wait" his thoughts going back to Shannon, should he actually break up with her, is that what he was trying to get her to do, getting her to break up with him.

Pulling up at base he turns to the other two "I won't be long" walking towards Kerry's office, seeing her turn to Matt smiling "Matt is going in TR1 for the rest of the day" looking at Kerry in disbelief "Your joking" shaking her head avoiding his eyes "do I look like I'm joking" looking at her no she didn't her face serious and pissed off "do you recall what I asked you earlier on" trying not to smile "You said several things, you might need to remind me" narrowing her eyes "Don't piss me off Lawson, not today" seeing her looking at him, not the way she normally did this time she was not happy "you can count yourself lucky your not back on the plane with Shannon this evening, you can get Stella and both of you can clean out the archives room, storage room and kitchen for the next two days" shaking his head at her she had to be joking "You can't be serious" nodding at him "never been more serious, Stella can count herself lucky for the time being" walking closer to Kerry "this is because Shannon is up here" rolling her eyes at him "don't be ridiculous, this has nothing to do with your girlfriend, actually Stella's situation does, I would of expected more from you though" moving closer to Kerry "admit it your jealous that Shannon is up here" looking at Lawson in the eyes trying to maintain her composure, she had to admit she felt something about the thought of Shannon being up here, but after meeting her she didn't know what to think "Just get to work, I expect it all done by end of tomorrow" then walking towards the door "I think your upset that I'm not"

Walking out of the base at the end of the day, Stella walks up to Kerry cautiously "do I still have a job" looking up from her desk at Stella her eyes fixed on her "I'm still thinking about it …. You still come tomorrow to finish the cleaning, then I'll let you know"

Walking out of base, Stella sees Lawson "I'm sorry Lawson, say goodbye to Shan for me, it wasn't her fault you know, it was my idea" looking at Stella she was more like a pesky little sister someone he wanted to protect "Stel, just be careful, you don't need any warnings on your record" nodding at Lawson she doesn't think but then that is her "Yeah I know"

Walking inside, he has to get back to take Shannon to the airport soon, walking inside Kerry's office seeing her look up at him "close the door" raising his eyes at her "I'm not going to go easy on you Lawson, so don't expect any favours from me, you'll be treated the same as everyone else" a smile forming on his face "I don't think so, what you did today wasn't the same as everyone else Kerry and you know it." Seeing her lean towards him on her desk her blue eyes piercing through him "Really" wanting to lean forward and kiss her, his mind only slightly focused on the job "what's going to happen to Stella?" shrugging at him "Not sure yet" seeing a smile on her face "You're not going to do anything ….you're going to let her suffer" raising her eyes at him not answering her question.

Seeing Kerry's tongue moving around her lips as she stands up her eyes focused on his, she was tormenting him here she was so close to him seeing her move towards him, as she puts her hands on his chest, moving her hand under his shirt as she leans down towards him he knows he should pull away and go back to the apartment but unable to move he responds to her kisses before moving over to her desk, as Kerry sits on the edge feeling her legs wrap around his body.

Hearing his phone ring a while later he knows he should answer it, quickly pulling his pants up and buttoning his shirt up, he watches as Kerry moves away from him, seeing her look at him a knowing smile on her face it was like she knew she had him where she wanted him that even with his girlfriend here, she still had control over him and for some reason he felt powerless to do anything about it .


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thank you to everyone who is reading it. Hope you continue too and if you like it please review it. **_

_**,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,**_

Gathering the team in for a briefing "Ok quiet guys, you've no doubt heard the news reports" hearing Christian pipe up "so its true" ignoring what he said "we need Tactical response heading out there, there is a makeshift base out at Berry Springs, cancel all plans you have for the next few days, all leave is cancelled, this is a number one priority. Just be careful"

Stepping forward Lawson looks at the team "we don't have a lot of information at the moment, or any idea where he is, he could be anywhere at the moment, there is helicopters out, it seems he is hitting farms/stations at the moment there is no pattern, so the person could be anywhere. There are road blocks all around the area, any cars going in by any of the roads are being searched. From all reports this person is highly dangerous"

Watching her team walk out to the cars, this was the first full on operation they would be involved with, they had minor things up to now, negotiations still but this was going to test them all, her hope is they all knew now what they were doing calling out to them "no hero's guys, remember work as a team" her eyes moving to Lawson as he gets in the front seat, seeing him look at her a small smile on her face.

Driving out to Berry Springs a couple of days later taking Leon with her leaving Amber back at the base, not that there would be much for her to do now with the team out, but the need if anything else comes up, the authorities wanting someone with experience to help lead the teams out there. Watching as Kerry drives the concentration on her face she was one tough leader but getting to know here, there was something underneath it all, not that she ever wanted anyone to see it. She took no bullshit but underneath her tough exterior there was a softer side to her. Not that he would ever admit it, but he had a crush on her there was something about her she not only looked great but he did have a good working relationship with her.

Looking at Leon "enjoying your time up here?" nodding for a while he had forgotten he would be going back to Melbourne soon with the others, the training up soon "its great, different to Melbourne" seeing a smile on her face it was that smile that lit up her whole face "What ….. You want to stay up here" laughing "it will be good going back to Melbourne. Think I will miss it slightly up here" nodding as they stop at the check point, showing her ID to them before being let through, seeing Leon tense up slightly, reaching over to pat his knee "you ok about this, there will be police around the makeshift headquarters at all time, you will be safe there" nodding at Kerry wanting her had back on his leg trying not to let his fear show "yeah"

Walking into the makeshift tent looking around, showing her ID again, not that she needed to, most people knew who she was, if not they knew who her partner was due to the functions she had gone too. Looking up as she hears voices, surprise in her eyes, she thought they would still be out there, looking at them, the toll of the long days taking effect on them.

Walking over to the coffee table seeing Lawson there, looking up at him touching his back gently and quickly "you ok?" before taking her hand off him. Putting her hand on the bench, seeing Lawson's hand moving closer to her, pulling her hand away her voice firm but soft "don't …. Not here" realising what she meant turning to face her "sorry ….. not being able to touch you for so long is driving me crazy" not wanting to admit the same "call me when your finished tonight" before walking away seeing the others walk in "you guys ok?"

…

Driving into TR at the end of his shift it had been long days most days he was out Berry Springs area, with the occasional day with the team staying in Darwin but still no closer to finding out who the person was but able to get a day off finally the next day, meeting Kerry once only they had driven to a motel near by able to actually able to spend the night together waking up next to her until the reality it was a one off the memory of the night still with him, feeling her next to him, her body pressed against his. Glancing out the window seeing Kerry with a guy arguing outside the base, looking closer at the person it looks like Detective Senior Sergeant Chris Finch, what was he doing here hoping it wasn't anything serious or more serious but from the brief look on both their faces the conversation wasn't going well and the look on her face, walking inside the communications room if anyone would know it would be Leon. Seeing Kerry storm back inside towards her cubicle "did you get that information Leon" then looking at Lawson "unless its work, get out of here", walking inside her office picking up her bag "if you need me I'll be on my mobile, send the information through Leon"

Watching Kerry leave before turning to Leon "what was Detective Finch here for?" looking up at Lawson, he thought he would know since he didn't he can't wait to see the look on his face he had seen the way Lawson looked at Kerry and the way Kerry's eyes lit up hearing Lawson's voice, leaning back in his chair "visiting his wife" raising his eyes at Leon, did he hear him correctly, no he knew Kerry was in a relationship well even lived with her partner, he wanted to forget that bit, but did she forget to mention she was married and to who, not just any person but someone in a high up position in the police force, no there was a couple of other female officers in the building taking a deep breath "who was his wife" Looking up at Lawson, was he that dumb and he was a senior sergeant "who do you think Lawson, I'll give you a clue you work with her each day" not in the mood at all for any of Leon's joke his voice warning "Leon" looking up at Lawson "you're meant to be the clever one, who was he here just seeing not that I think it went that well considering Kerry's mood … Kerry ….. they've been married for 5 years I think" then leaning back in his chair even further looking at Lawson "but Sarah isn't their daughter, her dad is someone else" before facing the screen again the look on Lawson's face was priceless he hadn't seen Lawson speechless or in shock ever from memory.

Walking out of the base pulling out his phone he has to see Kerry now so many thoughts going through his head, he hears Kerry answer it "Kerry we need to talk" as he hears the dial tone, damm her, why didn't she say she was married and who she was married too, it was one thing, being in a relationship but being married to Chris, hearing his phone ring, not even looking at the caller ID, as he hears Shannon's voice on the other end it had been a few days since he had spoken to her, he didn't want to give up his relationship with Kerry or Shannon, hoping he didn't ever have to, only half listening to Shannon, his thoughts on what he had been told, shit he had been sleeping with a married woman and it did make a difference now, especially considering who she was married to.

Walking along the beach the following evening, Kerry sits down pulling her knees up to her body watching the sunset over the ocean rubbing her hands across her eyes, she didn't want to admit it but her feelings for Lawson were beginning to surface despite it all she was married, she should of told Lawson but she didn't she didn't lie she was in a relationship but it was a more permanent one, would it of made a difference, despite it all she was having an affair cheating on her husband and in some moments of clarity she knew she should end it, but for some reason she can't she enjoyed being with him the feeling of a school girl again and her heart telling her she wasn't doing anything wrong. She had to get out of the house, she didn't want to argue with Chris again, the night she spend with Lawson still fresh in her mind, Chris was away that night interstate, she should of realised he would find out, damm Sarah, he believed her reason, the touch of Lawson, walking into the room, feeling his hands run over her body moving up and down her back his touch gentle, undoing her bra letting her pants slip to the ground, his touch lying next to his naked body to the early hours of the morning, not only a few hours spend together but the whole night. The fact not made easy knowing she should end it, but unable to is she able to say this is over can she do it, so far she has gotten away with it, will Chris become suspicious what would he do, staring out across the ocean part of her can't give him up, can't give up what she feels when she is with him, it is becoming more and deep down she has to stop before her feelings develop, it is too late, have they already developed.

Hearing a noise next to her she doesn't even have to look to know who it is she got his messages on her phone "Just leave Lawson" shaking his head he is the one who should be upset not her "I'm not going anywhere Kerry" not even looking at Lawson, she knew he had found out about Chris, or the fact that he was her husband "Kerry, are you married?" biting her lips her tongue moving around her mouth staring straight ahead "Its complicated Lawson".

Seeing Kerry not look at him and her answer, his fears were confirmed, for some reason, her being married was worse than in a relationship not sure why, how he wished Josh was up here someone to talk to "The question is simple Kerry, are you married to Chris?" nodding her head moving her eyes around not looking at Lawson, she knows what expression would be on his face "Lawson, what difference does it make if I am married or not …..we are not in a relationship, we aren't in anything". Looking straight ahead Kerry can be stubborn he has no idea why it made a difference "It does make a difference …. You should of told me" shaking her head at Lawson not looking at him "why? …to me it doesn't ….. we're not in relationship Lawson" looking at Kerry they weren't in a relationship but he was sure there was more to it than just fucking each other "Maybe not it doesn't stop you having sex with me whenever you want" glancing up at Lawson briefly showing no emotion "I don't hear you complaining or your dick"" looking at Kerry her eyes straight ahead no emotion on her face, she can't tell him everything getting up "I can't do it this Lawson, I don't need this in my life"

Jogging after Kerry there are things that don't make sense to him, reaching her and touching her arm her voice firm with slight anger to it "Just leave me alone" shaking his head, he turns her around to face him "there is something your not telling me, something else going on" not looking at him "what do you want me to say" trying to get her to look at him "the truth Kerry, what is going on here" looking down kicking the sand the truth what was that could she tell him the truth "my marriage is over…. To me it is and in my mind….. even if I did call it off he wouldn't let me go" not even looking at Lawson taking off down the beach at a run the truth was she was starting to fall for Lawson and if Chris did find out, she would hate to think what he would do to either of them, it was too late now anyway she didn't think she could give up what she had with Lawson what ever it was, it was more than sex now.

Watching Kerry jog off, a slightly smile on his face maybe there is hope one day they would be together, but the truth is, she did lie to him and he was having an affair with a married woman, and he was cheating on Shannon the truth hitting him.

…..

Arriving back briefly at base a few days later, he sees Kerry getting into her car, he hadn't seen her in a few days, seeing her look at him a small smile on her face, he wanted her more than he wanted anything else, she was married though. Seeing Lawson watching her damm why did he have to look so good seeing him walk over to him "you going out again" nodding damm why did she have to look at him like that "back again for the night, lets hope we find something tonight" seeing how tired he was the whole team was becoming from it all "Hopefully it won't be long" seeing him not moving his eyes searching hers for answers all she can do is smile at him, seeing him rest his arm on the window, letting her fingers quickly move over his arm moving them quickly away "I'll see you tomorrow, I'll be on my mobile" before driving out. Watching her drive away there was something about her, even when he wanted to walk away he can't.

Walking into the bar a few days later, finally a few days off, it doesn't take Lawson long to see Josh there, glad his best friend is up on Darwin for a month of so, sipping on his beer "What's Kerry like, she's pretty hot" nodding at Josh, can he tell his mate, can he admit he is cheating on Shannon and has been for a couple of months "what's going on between the two of you" looking at his mate "nothing" seeing Josh looking at him "I thought you said you got on with her, it looks like you can't be in the same room with her" nodding he did and too well up to now but the past couple of days he had been out on the road early or out at Berry Springs he had too much time to think not looking at Josh "I've been sleeping with her" looking up at Lawson, did he hear Lawson right, he never thought Lawson would cheat on Shannon his eyes slightly wide "mm … how long?" shrugging he didn't want to really admit it happened not long after he came up to Darwin, it was just under a month since he left Melbourne and Shannon "a while now, I knew her years ago, went out with her then, and hadn't seen her in about 10 years or so" seeing Josh trying not to look surprise "are you still with her?" looking at his mate he didn't know they hadn't seen each other in a week there was a call or two from her he didn't really answer or talking about work "she's married" nodding at his mate waiting for Lawson to continue when he doesn't "what are you going to do about it" he wanted to add and Shannon, looking at Josh shaking his head slightly "I don't know I expected honesty from her, seems all she wants it rent a root I know we can't have a relationship" wanting to add for now "….. but she's married to Detective Chris Finch" seeing a smile on Josh's face "Just hope he never finds out" finishing his drink looking at his mate "according to her, her marriage is over" finishing his beer too Josh looks at Lawson "lets hope Chris thinks the same" nodding he does too, without realising it her blurts out "I'm in love with her"

….

Walking towards the end of the jetty, she sees Lawson sitting there looking out over the water drinking his beer, she knew they were in dangerous territory in public and she hadn't really spoken to him since they were on the beach. Looking at Kerry walking towards him "sorry I haven't called you and ignoring you" smiling at Lawson a short sweet smile, as he continues "I'm in love with you Kerry" staring at Lawson hearing those words come from his mouth, she had gathered or thought as much she hoped she was wrong, nodding at him a small smile forming on her lips "I know" walking towards him sitting next to him seeing him look at her "what now, do you want to stop and not see each other, I don't care that you're married" looking at him, did she want that not to see him, the sex was great between them "is that what you want?". Staring at her, he knew the risks involved and that it wasn't meant to be anything serious, just a casual affair, shit he was involved with Shannon, this just happened and he couldn't give her up not again, he lost her all those years ago, shaking his head at Kerry "No". Reaching out and touching Lawson's arm "You knew the risks involved" nodding at Kerry she was right, he thought he would have some fun, no commitment, just sex was it just that, what about Shannon he never thought he would start to fall in love with her but he didn't realise she was married until recently "I can't stop thinking about you" shaking her head at Lawson, she didn't want a commitment, she was his superior what they had was fine, didn't jeopardise her career not that she wanted to admit it and her marriage "Don't Lawson", getting up off the seat she feels his arms around her unable to help herself she feels his lips upon hers, pulling away slightly from him a short time later, looking over his shoulder the surprise in her eyes her mouth slightly open whispering "shit" to herself as she sees Christian's eyes upon her before he turns quickly walking away. Moving away from Lawson looking at him "I'll see you tomorrow"


	8. Chapter 8

Watching Kerry get out of her car the following morning as he walks towards the locker room, Christian stares at her, unable to get the image of what he saw, he didn't believe in a partner cheating or having an affair, was that what Kerry and Lawson were doing, he was sure Lawson and Shannon were still going out and rumour had it Kerry was in a relationship, he had tossed and turned all night until Annie demanded he tell her what the problem was, she did help him, well told him to keep out of it. He had a lot of respect and admiration for Kerry, she was tough and feisty but was a great leader and boss, she spoke her mind, he didn't want to get on the wrong side of her, he knew she had seen him too, he had to speak to her, but Annie was right he did have to stay out of it, he didn't' know the whole story all he did know was he was sure someone was going to end up getting hurt. Walking out to the TR cars, he walks into the communication room looking around he sees Kerry at her cubicle, walking towards her he sees her look up at him. Seeing Christian there, she wonders if he had said anything to Shannon or anyone, her eyes questioning his before hardening slightly, hearing Christian speak "I'm not going to tell anyone what I saw last night" looking up at Christian grateful for what he is saying but unable to say thanks "I don't' know what you thought you saw" looking at Kerry "I know what I saw Kerry, you were kissing Lawson, what you two do is none of my business" interrupting Christian "that is right" as he continues "but it is also wrong, I'm not going to tell Shannon what I saw" before walking out of the cubicle, his heart beat starting to go back to normal.

…..

Seeing Kerry walk out towards her car a few days later, Lawson walks towards her despite everything he needs her and can't give her up, looking around seeing no one around he follows her outside "what are you doing this weekend" looking at Lawson raising her eyebrows "work nothing much" interrupting her, he can't give her up, even if it means his career "A mate has a place out of Darwin, that is free this weekend, come away with me …. Lets just see what happens…. lets go away for the weekend, just the two of us, spend the weekend together" looking up at Lawson he looked so excited "I don't know Lawson ….. nothing has changed I'm still married" unable to say the rest that she was starting to fall in love with him too, going away together sounded great but, he knows that but unable to give her up he smiles at her " I know … but imagine it Kerry nothing but you and me, no one around, no prying eyes, no one to see us a whole weekend just the two of us" seeing Lawson moving closer to her, it was tempting Chris was going away and Sarah could stay at a friend "what if I said yes?" seeing her mouth only inches from his, the urge so strong to kiss her "You wouldn't regret it Kerry" looking around before leaning closer to him "I'll think about it"

…..

Arriving at the place, Kerry looks around the place was beautiful right on the water, the river running at the back of the property. Walking inside looking around "sure this is the right place" nodding at Kerry, his mate was right it was the perfect place for the weekend, walking into the bedroom before finding the bathroom a spa in it, smiling to himself, the weekend is going to be perfect.

Lying in bed feeling Lawson stroking her head, before facing him, her hand moving around his body, the night before was amazing, one of the most wonderful nights she had had. The spa with candles, before making their way to the bedroom remembering as Lawson carried her to the bed, putting her down gently on the satin sheets his eyes watching hers before he lowered his mouth to hers, it was an amazing she had wanted him so much, as he lowered his body towards hers, all she wanted was him after the first night not wanting the weekend to finish, they had walked along the river the first night they had arrived, feeling Lawson's arms around her waist snuggled against him, no one watching them. Stopping to watch the sunset across the river and plains, a blanket put on the ground, sipping champagne and some nibbles, leaning into Lawson's arms, before feeling his lips on her head, before making their way down her face and neck, the sun setting as she faced him, their lips meeting, all other thoughts forgotten as there kissing intensified it wasn't long before they made love, his hands gentle as he undid her bra and took of her clothes them falling to the ground his hands fumbling with the buttons on her shirt, as she unzipped his pants they fell to the ground, lying next to each other, neither of them wanting to get up and go back to the house, not until the early hours of the morning did they walk back having a spa before going back to bed. All thoughts left her mind, still not tired, the amount of sleep she got very minimal the past two nights, they had only got out of bed for a short period of time, feeling his hand moving around her stomach, she was starting to feel like a school kid again, she had to admit she was developing strong feelings for him too, what started out as nothing serious was turning into something serious, would she leave Chris though.

Feeling Kerry's hand running over his stomach, this was perfect the previous day and two nights, the night before amazing, exploring each other, something they hadn't done before something had changed between them, between what they had. With his hand moving around Kerry's stomach stopping, was that someone here, his friend was away, he knew he was here, looking at Kerry her eyes open wide too, there was definitely someone else in the house now. Looking around the bedroom there was nothing there, his gun back at base. Getting out of bed, pulling on some pants, he sees Kerry look at him "be careful, could it be your friend" shaking his head "no he knew I was here, he is away for another week or so"

Feeling Lawson's hand stop him sitting up in bed, she heard it too, someone else was in the house, maybe it was just Lawson's mate, when Lawson said no she was starting to worry, there was one person it could be the one person they hadn't caught yet, but he hadn't travelled down here, wasn't it out of where he had been her heart beating faster, watching as Lawson leaves, hopping out of bed putting some clothes on strewn all over the floor, as the door opens she expects to see Lawson, looking up the eyes are cold instantly she knew who it was, in that moment she feared for her life, not hearing Lawson had he done something to him, maybe he was hiding waiting for the right moment "what do you want?"

Feeling him pull her up and out of the room his eyes going over her body, feeling the gun pushed into her back walking out into the living room, her eyes falling on Lawson his body slumped on the floor giving out a gasp, turning to face him "What did you do to him" feeling him hit her over the head with the gun as she falls to the ground, pulled up again "don't do that again" biting her lips the need to remain strong if they are to get out of it "You don't need to do this" the last thing she felt was the gun being hit across her head and chest.

…..

Opening her eyes looking around, the pain in the back of her head trying to focus on where she is looking up into eyes that are cold and hard seeing them staring at her, trying to keep her fear under control, there has never been much she has been scared or afraid off, but now coming face to face she is sure he is the one they have been looking for. Was she going to be next, glancing around at least she is still at the property in the shed, she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Her eyes moving around where is Lawson was he even alive still, did he not wanting to think, she couldn't she didn't want to think he had done to him what he had done to the others, decapitated their heads. Watching as he walks over to her her eyes remaing fixed on his, keeping the fear out of them, grimacing as he hits her across the ribs trying not to let the pain show as he punches her in the stomach the blow hard causing her to lean over "Who are you, what do you want?" seeing him coming closer to her "I wouldn't be asking any questions copper" biting her lips shit, was that a good thing or bad thing that he knew what she was "You really think you'd get away with killing a copper?" shrugging "they'd have to find your body first both of them" nodding a sadistic look on his face "so yeah, no one even knows you're here, do they?" her tongue moving around her mouth slightly, trying not to look defeated he was right, the only one who knew was Lawson's friend who wasn't even back for a few more days, they were due back at work today but no one would even know where to go looking for them "you won't get away with this?" smiling at her nodding "I think I will … we could even have a bit of fun before hand ….. don't worry about your boyfriend, he won't be coming to save you".

Turning her face away briefly she has to be strong, she can't believe that Lawson is dead, she won't believe it. Feeling his breath close to hers as he moves closer to her, feeling his hands on her body, the thought of him close to her repulsing her feeling his hand on her face turning her head to face him, his mouth close to her closing her eyes his lock strong unable to move her face away as his hand move under her clothes. The need to fight there her hands tied up behind her as he leans his mouth towards her, his voice soft but gruff "you might even enjoy it Kerry" fear starting to overtake her, she had always been in control never let fear or anything take over, yet here she was powerless to do anything about it, knowing he knew her name her address on her drivers licence was Sarah going to be safe or Chris.

As his hands move up her shirt, before feeling them pull down her jeans gathering all the strength she can lifting up her knees and leg kicking him in the groin. Feeling his grip on her face harden "that was a stupid move"

Being pulled out of the shed a while later, her energy fading feeling numb and powerless trying to move away from him ended up in being hit across the face again and hit, she had passed out briefly, when she came too, she closed her eyes hoping it would all stop soon. Putting one foot in front of the other, no idea where she is going, stopping at the river closing her eyes briefly "No one will ever find your body here, say goodbye Kerry no one will be able to save you now, your head is just too pretty to cut off but then after the croc's finish with you, I don't think it will be" Feeling being dragged to the edge of the water knowing if she does go in the changes of getting out alive slim wanting to scream out "Lawson where are you?" the thought of not knowing if he was alive or dead or if he needed help never feeling so helpless or scared before there was a first for everything, what about her daughter would she ever see Sarah again. What seemed like a great idea now she wasn't so sure.


	9. Chapter 9

Walking out of the locker room on Monday Stella looks at Matt and the others, "anyone know where Lawson is?" seeing them shake there head they don't seem worried looking at Christian "I'm going to give him heaps when he turns up, Lawson is never late" looking around not seeing Kerry's car here "maybe Kerry finally has a life too" watching as Matt takes out his phone before turning to the others "Leon, keep trying to get onto Lawson, find out where he is, until Lawson arrives, Stella and Katie you're with me in TR1, Christian, Dave, Steve and Mel your in TR2"

…..

How long had it been since he was tied up the pain in his leg was starting to go now, he thought he was going to killed instead for some reason he was shot in the leg and left tied up, he had no idea where Kerry was, was she even still alive. He had to find her, he had to save himself and her before…. Was it too late. Was he still in the house, looking around he was in the cellar or somewhere.

Finally he had no idea how long it had been his hands were free, it wasn't long before he freed his legs, looking around now to find his way out of there.

Walking around the house carefully he had no idea if he was still there or around, grabbing a knife, looking around the rooms, grabbing what he can.

Walking outside, trying to keep out of sight, where on earth is he, where is Kerry, seeing the shed about to walk over when he hears a voice a yell, he would know that voice anywhere, Kerry's running as fast as he is able to, ignoring the pain in his leg, only one thing on his mind, hoping he isn't too late.

…

Walking into locker room the following day, Stella looks around seeing Lawson still not here, walking out seeing Matt "Is Lawson here" seeing Matt shake his head "has anyone tried to call him?" looking at Stella "Leon is trying again" seeing Leon walk out "It just goes to message bank" nodding at Leon before turning to Stella "We'll give him to the start of the shift" watching the minutes creep by the worry creeping in, it wasn't like Lawson he just wouldn't turn up, walking out towards the cars "Matt, this isn't like Lawson, he just wouldn't turn up to work without letting someone know," Glancing at Stella, even though he didn't know him like Stella did, he did wonder "go around to his apartment, maybe his girlfriend is up from Melbourne?". Hanging up her phone, turning to the others "Shan, is in Melbourne and hasn't heard from Lawson for a few days she spoke to him Thursday night, she just thought he was busy with work, she was starting to get worried though, now she is really worried. Something has happened to him Matt"

…..

Shit, where is the voice coming from, whispering to himself "Please Kerry give me a clue" pretty sure and hoping he is right looking around it came from the river, running as fast as he can, it isn't long before he reaches the river stopping the scene in front of him making his heart stop, no seeing Kerry close to the river bank, he could see the fear in her eyes, not one to show fear he had never seen her show anything but total control. His training and instinct taking over, having to be focused and in control, moving around behind them, walking slowly up behind him, the element of surprise, taking out the prong he had from the house, hitting the person seeing them lose their balance, the anger of what he had gone through and the thought of losing Kerry, using all his force pushing him harder using his training, watching as he falls into the river, racing over to Kerry drawing her towards him, his arms wrapped around her, wanting to protect her.

Turning to face the river, horror on their faces as they watch a crocodile come out of the surface grabbing him, turning away not able to watch, the look of shock on his face and theirs. Feeling Lawson pull her towards him, turning her away from the horrific scene before her, she had seen the after effect but all her years living up here she had never seen someone taken by a crocodile, shivering the thought that could off so easily been her. Feeling Lawson stroking her head his arms firmly around her his voice soft and gentle "let's get out of here" all she can do is nod exhausted from the events, no idea how long it has been "they'll be wondering where we are?" seeing him nod "Let them, I'm more worried about you" looking up at him was her ordeal over, how was she going to explain to Chris the bruises on her body.

Putting his arm around her, feeling her tense up, they walk back to the house slowly as she leans against him, her head resting on him.

Seeing her walk out of the shower a short time later, her body purple and bruised "I'm fine Lawson, it looks worse than it is" not even able to nod, shit what had she been through, hoping she would open up to him and not bottle it up, knowing it would take time for both of them, wondering if they would ever be able to forget it

…

Pulling up outside the serviced apartments, it isn't long before they have a key to his room looking around it is clean and untouched, everything in place the bed made. Talking to the housekeepers, Katie walks inside towards Matt, whispering to him "No one has seen him since Friday morning when he went to work. But get this, they said that she has seen a woman visit him a few times" looking at Katie "so, it is probably Shannon" shaking her head "I've seen a photo of Shannon" then calling out to Stella "How old is Shannon?" looking at Katie slightly confused "about 30 or so why?" shaking her head not wanting to admit to Stella her thoughts, knowing that they were friends "Just curious, if there is any photos around" turning to face Matt, "she said she was about 42 or so, brown hair to her shoulders, attractive she thinks she has blue eyes but not sure about my height and slender" looking at Katie wondering what her point was "so he had someone visit her", rolling her eyes at Matt she didn't think he was that dumb "doesn't that description remind you of someone?" shrugging at Katie "so Kerry has visited Lawson sometimes, they are setting up the squad together" raising her eyes at Matt and shaking her head "I think they are doing more than setting up the squad together if you know what I mean" seeing Matt's eyes enlarge and his mouth open, knowing he finally got what she meant, as he shakes his head "No, they wouldn't go there" nodding at Matt, she was now pretty sure they were "the housekeeper was very talkative, apparently they sometimes couldn't wait until they got into the apartment, they have been seen kissing in the corridor and there has been condoms left in the room ….. Kerry is missing too, she wasn't in today or yesterday" looking up at Matt seeing the shock on his face "not a word of this to anyone Katie this could ruin their career" walking away from Katie, looking around the room, was the housekeeper correct were they seeing each other, Kerry was married, did Lawson know that "shit" he had this information which could destroy there careers into his com "Leon, is Kerry in yet?" hearing Leon's voice "No, she hasn't called either" getting out his phone, hearing her phone going to message bank "Leon , get TR2 to go around to Kerry's place, are you able to triangulate or get a position on Lawson's phone?" shaking his head realising Matt can't see "only if its turned on, I can use the GPS on it too then" turning to Stella and Katie, "look for anything, an addresses, phone numbers" if Katie is right, then they could be away somewhere remote together, and if the killer was still on the loose then they could be in real danger or worse still.

Hearing back from TR2 "No one is at home at Kerry's, the neighbours haven't seen her in days, we're going to see Chris now"

Hearing a yell coming from Stella, then into her com "Leon, can you check out this address" before turning to Matt "You think Lawson has gone away?" nodding at Stella "do you know any of his friends up here, anywhere he might want to go, secluded spots?" looking at Matt, what was he suggesting, Shannon was in Melbourne, they were looking for Kerry "Lawson wouldn't do that to Shannon" shaking her head "No way, he wouldn't cheat on Shannon" looking at Stella, knowing she was close to them both "I'm not saying he would, but now we are looking for two missing people, they could be in real danger" biting her lips, Lawson had been acting weird, even Shannon said so nodding at Matt, hearing Leon's voice coming through the coms "the address is a property belonging to Rob Wilkie, I've got a number for him, sending you through the information now?"

Racing out to the car, Matt dialling the number, hanging up, his face slightly ashen before into his com "Leon, send the address to TR2" seeing Stella look at him she doesn't need him to say it "Lawson's there isn't he" biting her lips she doesn't want to ask or know, but also knowing she would find out as soon as they arrive seeing Matt nod "I think so, unless he has left, Rob, gave him his house for a weekend away" staring straight ahead, anger going through her "Kerry's there too isn't she?" looking straight ahead knowing soon, that people will find out, what if it is a false alarm, shaking his head no, they would have been back by now his voice soft "I think so" not wanting to add that Rob wasn't giving much away, from the brief amount he did say, he wanted a secluded spot for someone special for a romantic weekend away seeing Stella put her hand up to her mouth he didn't need to say the rest "You ok to drive" nodding at Matt, she needs to drive to concentrate on something, what is she going to tell Shannon, can she act normal around her, what about Kerry's husband.

…..

Lying on the bed feeling Lawson's arms wrapped around her, the events of the past couple of days remaining with her, she has no idea how long the ordeal was, or for the fact if it wasn't for Lawson she would of probably be dead now. Each time she closes her eyes the image in her head, she couldn't tell him what happened to her, she didn't want to remember wanting to feel safe and secure his arms around her is all she can manage, the bruises on her body a reminder though part of what she went through, Lawson had asked gently but she couldn't tell him the truth, maybe later but for now she didn't want to think about it. Biting her lips as a stabbing pain goes through her chest again trying to hide it from him, it was worse now than when he was kicking and hitting her.

Feeling Kerry shake slightly, holding her tighter, stroking her head, not able to believe how close he came to losing her, or the fact that they were both lucky to be alive, he had no idea what she had gone through but looking at her, she went through a lot. Knowing they have to leave, sure that he had died in the river but not wanting to stay and watch. Looking down at her face seeing it screw up "You're in pain, we need to get help" shaking her head she doesn't want to alarm him, it is probably nothing "I'm fine, my chest is slightly sore" then looking up at him her hand tracing the outline of his face, his chin she wasn't falling in love with him, she was in love with him she wanted him this trip had made her realise that "I wish we didn't have to go back". Stroking her hair kissing the top of her head "me too" despite it all this has been great spending time together, wanting to tell her he loved her, seeing her look up at him he could see the way she felt in her eyes the way she looked at him, his lips move down meeting hers before it went further seeing her pull away snuggling next to her. He is sure something more happened to her, not wanting to push it but the need to know too, what he did to her, was she raped, he gathered he had tortured her by the bruises on her body, she didn't want to show she was in pain but he knew she was, he wanted to go and get help but she kept insisting she was ok.

Kissing Lawson she did want more but unable to, knowing it would go further his touch was gentle but each time he touched her images filling her head seeing the love in his eyes, pushing the images away before looking up at him "I want you Lawson" pulling his mouth down to hers kissing him hungrily her hands moving around his head.

Looking at her smiling "I'm going to check on the car, we need to get you out of here"

Walking back inside a short time later talking as he enters the room "I think we have to walk to the next property to get help, he has slashed the four tyres" seeing Kerry leaning over on the lounge clutching her chest and stomach, running over to her "Kerry" seeing her look up at him the pain in her eyes trying to talk "my…. ….agg" leaning down next to her "I'll go and get help" shaking her head "No, don't leave me" looking into Kerry's eyes, he can't just stay he has to get help "I won't be long, You need help" shaking her head, the pain becoming worse she knows that if he leaves, she will never see him again, kneeling down next to her, he shouldn't of listened to her when she said she was ok earlier "I should of got you help earlier" shaking her head "its ok, what about your leg" then looking up at him "this has been amazing Lawson"

….

Matt into his com "silent approach guys" pulling up outside the property walking down the driveway, seeing the house in the distance, not knowing what was waiting inside "Katie and Steve, search outside near the river, Dave, Christian and Melanie go around the back, Stel and I will go around the front"

Waiting for the others to get in position Matt into his com "Now"

Hearing a noise and the doors opening, no he was sure he was dead hearing both doors open, it isn't long before he sees, Christian and Melanie enter, slight relief through him that help has arrived, but seeing there eyes move down to Kerry lying against him, can he talk his way out of it. "I need an ambulance now"

Closing her eyes "Oh shit" was she imagining the team there, the pain becoming unbearable not able to keep her eyes open"

Watching as Kerry closes her eyes shaking her gently "Come on Kerry stay with me" before looking up "Where is the ambulance"


	10. Chapter 10

Walking into the bedroom, Stella looks around, seeing the sheets everywhere, two suitcases in the bedroom a pack of condom on the bedside table, hearing Christian's voice through the com "We've found them" walking out of the bedroom with the pack of condoms, seeing Lawson sitting on the ground with Kerry lying in his arms, anger in her eyes, now he is found. Walking up kicking his side tossing the opened packets of condoms at him her voice loud full of anger "how could you do this to Shannon, Lawson, fucking your boss, how long has it been going on for" walking away slightly from Lawson pacing around "Shit Lawson you're engaged to Shannon and here you are screwing Kerry" shaking her head at him "what am I meant to say to Shannon, she is my friend, your meant to be in love with her and this is how you treat her". Looking up at Stella yelling at him, shit, why did she have to come at the moment Shannon the last thing on his mind turning away from her, "How far away is the ambulance"

Watching as Stella storms out of the room, Matt looks around seeing the shocked look on all their faces, knowing Stella made a bad situation worse throwing the box of condoms at Lawson, following Stella out, it isn't long before he sees her outside the house walking towards Lawson car calling out "Stel" seeing her ignore her walking closer to her "Stel, you shouldn't of done that, you have just made the situation a whole lot worse" turning to look at Matt, she really couldn't care how it made Kerry and Lawson look "Piss off Matt, you really think I care how it makes them look, after what they've done, you think it is ok, what they have done" shaking his head at Stella "no… but that doesn't matter at the moment, Kerry is seriously injured" walking away from Matt "Why should I care" before walking away.

Walking out of the house, leaving Lawson with Kerry, seeing how much he cares for her, not wanting to intrude, Christian turns to Matt "why don't we take Kerry and meet the ambulance shaking his head "they said it was better not moving her, they think she has internal injuries" looking at the house feeling so helpless, also knowing about Lawson and Kerry, he knew about it so long ago should he of said something before now, would it of helped he had not realised how serious it was "we can't just leave her here and wait" seeing Matt look around "It shouldn't be long" walking slightly away his voice soft "I knew about them for a while now, I should of said something sooner Kerry said nothing was happening"

Lying in Lawson's arms the pain becoming unbearable wanting to close her eyes as she starts to drift in and out of unconsciousness, grabbing Lawson's shirt looking in his eyes "Tell Sarah" shaking his head she has to make it "You'll tell Sarah Kerry" feeling her grab his shirt harder her eyes pleading "tell Sarah, please Lawson Tell Sarah I love her" nodding at Kerry "I will, but you will get out of this" seeing Kerry getting weaker the pain in her eyes "hang on Kerry, it won't be long …..Kerry I love you Kerry…. I love you so much" looking up at Lawson her eyes glazed over the pain becoming less "Sarah Lawson" shaking his head "its ok Kerry, Sarah is safe, I'll tell her" taking all of her effort to move her head the words coming out slowly "Lawson ….. Sarah …. She's ….yours" looking at Kerry trying to understand what she is saying "What Kerry?" Trying to focus on Lawson she finally needs him to know not thinking she will make it "Your … Sarah's father" looking at Kerry not able to hide his shock his eyes looking ahead, feeling Kerry's weight shifting he looks down seeing her eyes start to close as her head moves back "Kerry … stay awake ….. cmon Kerry …..hang in there …..you'll be fine, I love you." Looking around where is the ambulance, relief flooding through him as he finally hears the sirens "won't be long now" picking up her body, holding her tight to his body, he hurries to the ambulance.

….

Racing into the hospital, Chris looks around, seeing someone from Tactical Response he walks up to them "Where's Kerry?" looking at the guy, Josh guesses he is Kerry's husband "she hasn't arrived yet" seeing a doctor walking up to them looking at Josh "the helicopter is landing in a couple of minutes, they will be here soon" nodding at the doctor, before glancing at Chris hoping he didn't hear the doctor properly. Looking at the doctor did he hear correctly they, all he knew was Kerry was seriously injured, where was she if she had to be flown in "they, what happened, where is she coming from" looking at the guy, the doctor continues "we haven't seen her yet, so we don't know exactly what happened when they arrive, we will know more, they were in a remote area when it happened and are both being flown in now, her injuries are serious"." Trying not to look confused, who the hell were they "who is they doctor?" hearing the blades of the helicopter "Kerry was with someone, when this happened, her partner?" trying to control himself, his face going red "I'm her husband" looking up as they see a team hurrying down the corridor.

Seeing Kerry being wheeled in the hospital, followed closely by Lawson, Chris walks up to him, punching him hard in the face "stay the fuck away from my wife" looking up at Chris not going to fight him, the worry and toll of the past few days catching up, he should of known that Chris would be here but how did he find out so quickly.

Watching as the trolley is wheeled down the corridor "we have to operate now, if we are going to save her, get the theatre ready now" his mouth open rubbing his hand across his face they have to save her, it was touch and go the whole flight here, they revived her once. Glancing seeing Josh next to him his words soft more to himself "they have to save her, if only I had gotten her here sooner, I should of tried harder, she said she was ok, did they find him?" nodding at Lawson his mate in a bad way "don't think like that, it won't do anyone any good, yeah they found his body, they bringing him back now….. you need someone to check you out" shaking his head "I'm fine, they just need to help Kerry"

Walking over to a chair, sitting down, feeling a glare upon him looking up at Chris, looking at Lawson the anger he feels he doesn't know who to blame more his wife or Lawson "how long has it been going on for?" getting up off the seat he never did like Chris not now not ever, he wondered what Kerry saw in him "do you want the exact date or will an approximation due" seeing Chris come towards him his eyes full of anger "stay the fuck away from Kerry, or you will wish you had never come up here." Staring at Chris's face wanting to wipe the smug arrogant look off it he wasn't scared of him "I won't stay away from her and there is nothing you can say or do about it" his voice loud, wanting to smash Lawson's face "I wouldn't be so sure about that …. I will make sure you don't work in Tactical response again, you will be out of Darwin so fast" a smile on Lawson's face his threats meaning nothing to him, what Kerry even saw in him he would never know "You really think Kerry will let you do that Chris" then his voice low and threatening "I won't be staying away from her"

Walking into the hospital the worry from the flight and the past few days all she knew was Lawson was missing, finally up in Darwin, looking around she sees Lawson his body rigid and tense, relief flooding through her she hadn't been able to get in contact with anyone racing straight to the hospital the message on her phone brief.

Hearing a familiar voice "Lawson, thank god your alright" closing his eyes, he didn't realise Shannon had come up to Darwin feeling her arms around him he looks at her seeing her sitting down next to him "what are you doing up here" looking at him he didn't even seem happy to see her there was something going on with him "When you went missing I couldn't just stay in Melbourne" gently touching his face "I was scared something had happened to you …. What's going on here?" reaching up to touch his face seeing the black eye "You alright, have they checked you over?" brushing off Shannon's hand he didn't want her touch on his face, he didn't want her next to her, just one thing on his mind "Just leave it Shan, I'm fine" looking at Lawson confused, wondering what had happened he hadn't even seen a doctor yet.

Seeing the doctor walk towards Chris, Lawson gets off his seat "what's happening to her?". Seeing someone glaring at Lawson Shannon looks at both of them, the tension in the air as he speaks "if she dies or anything happens to her, I will make sure you pay for it, I hope the sex and scewing my wife was worth it"

Closing his eyes as he hears a gasp coming from next to him, he had hoped the day had never come, the one thing through all of this, he realised he was more in love with Kerry than Shannon hearing her voice breaking through his thoughts the voice full of hurt and anger "what's going on here Lawson", seeing Lawson not even look at her, she walks in front of him her voice demanding "Have you been screwing Kerry?" his eyes down before looking around could he deny it, "I don't …." Then looking at Shannon "I'm sorry" shaking her head at her finance "don't" trying to be strong instead of breaking down, "How long have you ….. has it been going on for?" looking at Shannon and the hurt he had caused her, despite it all, he probably would do it again he loved Kerry so much "lets not talk about it here" looking at Lawson trying to hide the betrayal and hurt she is feeling her voice loud "why not ….. how long has it been going on for" watching Lawson bite his lip, the answer there, it wasn't just a one off "a couple of months I think" seeing Shannon staring at him the anger in her eyes "You think". Watching Shannon run out all he can do is look at her back, he knows he should go after her, but there was nothing he was able to say to her the truth was he was sleeping with Kerry and he didn't want it to stop, it had been going on for months now and he knew she felt something between them too.

Seeing Shannon run out of the hospital, Stella didn't even realise she was up here, not surprised considering what happened, looking up at her friend her eyes red, Stella looks up at Lawson, she had gathered the past few days that Kerry and Lawson went away together and it had been going on long before that, the little things now making sense, running after her friend, looking around she sees Shannon sitting on a chair, walking over to her touching her shoulder, she feels her fling it off "I don't want to talk to you" her voice soft "Shan" hearing the voice Shannon looks up at Stella wiping her eyes "did you know about Kerry and Lawson" shaking her head she had no idea about it, it was a surprise for her, like everyone else "they kept it hidden from everyone, Kerry's husband only found out about it today" all making sense now, the other person in the hospital so many thoughts going through her mind looking up at Stella "can I stay at your place tonight" nodding, reaching for her friends hands "lets go out"

3

Sitting at the table a while later, turning to Stella "I knew something was …. Different … I had no idea what, when I came up here to surprise him he … he didn't seem to want me here, now I know why"

…

Walking out of the bar, not realising where he is heading his eyes and head down ending up at the Esplanade, a spot hidden away looking up stopping he sees Chris leaning against the fence looking out over the harbour his arms folded his eyes red "is this where you'd meet" Lawson's head moving around not moving on the spot before walking a bit closer "Chris" walking closer to Chris he hears him say "don't" his eyes still looking over the harbour before turning to look at him "don't" staring at his withdrawn face the hurt on it and the worry of Kerry as he continues still not looking at him "its…. Something …. I dunno what it was" trying to remain in control and not let the hurt and tears fall from his face "the last couple of months" looking down and not at Chris as he continues turning his head away briefly before looking back at Chris as he continues "I knew something was different" seeing Chris look at him before looking back out over the harbour "every night/evening waiting for Kerry" then looking at Lawson "to come home from work, the late hours spent, Sarah spending time at her friends …. I doubt she is even sorry" seeing Chris still looking at him he didn't believe he would feel sorry for him, but seeing the pain he was feeling he was sure he did love Kerry "Chris …. Its ….." turning his head away from Lawson, the pain and hurt he felt, the worry over what was happening to his wife trying to control his emotions, facing Lawson "and all the time she was here or somewhere with you" walking closer to Chris not wanting to discuss it with him, now all that mattered was Kerry getting better "it doesn't matter" looking at Lawson was he serious it did matter to him this was his wife, "it matters" then walking over to Lawson grabbing his shirt his voice louder "it matters, it matters" then shaking Lawson "it matters to me" then spinning Lawson around "how dare you" seeing Chris looking at him dishevelled and breathing heavily, he can see the pain and hurt there, the worry he has for Kerry seeing him standing there he had been through enough today "I'm not going to fight you Chris" looking at Lawson he wants to fight him, get the hurt out of him, the pain of seeing and hearing about them ramming into Lawson, wanting him to fight, feeling him just defending putting his arm out not fighting dam him as he grabs his shirt "there is a trust" seeing Chris look up at him "you can't do that to someone's trust" getting his breathing back under control pushing Lawson away standing there staring at him, how could either of them do it to him, she was his boss and his wife.

Knocking on Stella's door the following day, he had finally gone home after Kerry had come out of theatre, sneaking into ICU whilst Chris was away briefly, sitting next to her holding her hand she looked so fragile there, how he wished he had been able to do more, he felt so helpless out there at least they had two amazing nights out there, just both of them and the stars the night one of the most amazing wonderful of his life, even with getting hardly any sleep he still felt so energised the following day until it all of this happened, if only he had rung earlier and gotten help earlier, but he knew how adamant she was about people finding out. Despite it all he needed to see Shannon and sort this mess out.

Opening the door Stella sees Lawson there, she wondered how long it would be before he turned up, she had hoped he would of turned up earlier hearing him talk "Is Shannon here Stel" nodding at Lawson still saying nothing wondering how he could hurt Shannon so much "can I see her" glancing inside the door "she doesn't want to talk to you" pushing the door open "Dam it Stel, I want to talk to Shannon" holding the door firm she did feel slightly sorry for him, he looked like he hadn't slept in ages "she doesn't want to talk to you Lawson, can't say I blame her" yelling out "Shan, come to the door now" shaking her head at Lawson "You really think she will come to the door yelling at her, you hurt her Lawson and a lot, how do you think she'd react when she found out you had been sleeping with Kerry" feeling dejected he had to sort this out with Shannon "I'm sorry Stel, I need to sort this out with Shannon, how can I do this if she isn't speaking to me" looking at Lawson the sadness in his eyes "you need to give her time, you can't expect her to want to talk to you straight away."

Turning to walk away, Lawson sees Shannon standing at the door his voice soft "Shan?" watching as Stella walks away "I'll be here if you need me".

Looking at Lawson her face full of anger, and red from crying trying she needs to know when it all happened, trying to make sense of it all, to keep her voice strong "when did you start sleeping with her", looking at her eyes he answered that at the hospital "does it really matter?", hearing the anger in her voice "It does …. It matters to me, when Lawson", his eyes down, before looking up at her "not long after I came up from Darwin, a few weeks maybe?" seeing the look of hurt on Shannon's face "It just happened, it was a mistake then Shan" looking at Lawson "then, and all the other times it wasn't, did you even think of me ….. I thought of you Lawson and missed you" looking at Shannon, he could see the hurt and anger "I did miss you Shannon … I can't explain it, why I did it ….. I" looking at Lawson he hadn't even said sorry "maybe if it was just once I could eventually forgive you but for it to go on for months, you just don't do that to someone's trust Lawson. I trusted you explicably and here you were screwing Kerry the whole time ….. did you do it whilst I was up here?"


	11. Chapter 11

Looking at Shannon did she really want to answer that, he didn't even need to think about it, it was one of the only times he felt guilty afterwards knowing Shannon was waiting for him, that when he walked into the apartment, he kissed her and slept with her before she left trying to erase the guilt he felt. Seeing Lawson's silence and his eyes avoiding hers, she didn't need him to answer her voice loud "You don't do that to someone's trust" walking over to her "I know your pissed off at me and I hurt you badly" interrupting him yelling "don't tell me how I feel" feeling defeated the hurt he had caused the woman he was engaged to, the woman he loved, did he still love her, the need to sort it out, he couldn't leave it as it was "Shannon can we just talk about this" shaking her head she didn't want to talk to him anymore, she didn't think she could of hurt him more than he had but each time his answer or silence was getting worse, she trusted him "no we can't" … just get out" seeing him stand there her voice louder yelling "get out get out" looking at Shannon before leaving his voice low "I'm sorry"

Lying on the bed, the tears falling again, how could he have done it, how could either of them done it. The image of them in her head, had they done it whilst she was up in Darwin, when did they, how often had he slept with her, had it been going on the whole time.

Knocking on the door of Shannon's room she could hear the yelling between them both, she felt for her friend, the betrayal of what Lawson did, she hadn't seen anything happen but all making sense now, seeing Shannon look up at her, her eyes red from crying. Walking over to the bed sitting down next to her friend, seeing a faint smile on her face as she looks at her "I thought I was so lucky being engaged to Lawson, I trusted him so much I never worried about the distance even when he didn't call me as much, I thought he was special" then looking at Stella "what hurts the most is he did it with Kerry, his boss, that hurts more than anything, that Kerry actually slept with Lawson, even whilst I was up here" sitting up on the bed bringing her knees up to her body "What sort of person, does that … I just thought Lawson was different to most guys but he's not" then looking at Stella "I don't think I could trust him again being up here" looking at her friend the hurt she is feeling, she had liked Lawson as her boss, she even liked Kerry now "what are you going to do now Shan?" shrugging at her friend "My flight still doesn't leave for another two days. I dunno" not wanting to add, she wanted to see if Lawson wanted her, she wanted him to say he loved her not Kerry and wanted her.

….

Watching Chris leave the same time each night going home, Lawson walks into Kerry's room, seeing the machines beeping and the tubes running off her, pulling a chair over to her stroking her hand, the one thing he realised after this ordeal is Kerry is the one he wants to be with, she has to pull through so he can tell her, despite her wanting it as a casual affair he has fallen for her and deeply, he can't wait to get to know her daughter. Leaning down kissing her on the forehead "wake up Kerry, I love you"

Walking into the room to check on Kerry the nurse smiles to herself, each night around the same time he comes in, sitting next to her stroking her hand talking to her, she can see the love in his eyes for her, the tenderness as he holds her hand, she wasn't going to tell her husband, she didn't like him much he was rude and gruff the difference between the two men.

Looking up at the nurse "any improvement today" smiling at him, the same question asked each day, the hope that the answer would change "her vital signs are stable, which is a good sign, her injuries are severe, she is one very lucky lady what ever you did out there, you saved her life" looking back at Kerry despite what the nurse said he didn't do enough he should of done more, he should of protected her so none of this had happened, he should of stayed at a hotel instead of somewhere where no one would see them talking to himself more than the nurse "she just has to be alright, I don't know what I would do without her"

…..

Walking towards the end of the wharf, Lawson sees Shannon sitting down overlooking the water. Hearing footsteps Shannon looks up, even not speaking to Lawson the past couple of days the hurt still there the betrayal, of him sleeping with his boss, could she take him back after all of this, could she give him a second chance could they work things out, she missed him and loved him. She knew she should go back to Melbourne but part of her wanted Lawson to want her back.

Seeing Shannon look at him he walks over sitting next to him, silence falling over them for a couple of minutes before both of them speaking at the same time "Shannon" "Lawson" looking at Lawson she wanted to hear what he had to say, wanted an apology out of him for him to say he was sorry he wanted her, letting him speak first "Shannon, I'm sorry" a small smile forming on her face it was a start as he continues "I'm sorry for hurting you …." Taking a deep breath it was hard to continue. Looking at Lawson she didn't need him to finish she was an idiot to believe or hope "Your not sorry it happened are you, the only thing you're sorry about is being caught?" looking down fiddling with his fingers as he hears Shannon's voice "Look at me Lawson" turning to look at Shannon he shakes his head "I think we should break up Shan, this whole situation has made me think, its not going to work out between us".

The anger building up in her voice "it was working fine before you came up here Kerry's your boss Lawson" looking at Shannon is she serious, her point being "I'm your superior Shannon" looking out over the water "that's different Lawson, your not much higher than me now, Kerry is in a higher position of authority, she is in charge of all Tactical response you weren't" then glancing at Lawson briefly "we also had a history" biting his lip he doesn't want this conversation with Shannon "so did Kerry and I" looking at Lawson in disbelief was he serious why didn't he say anything to her "your joking ….. why didn't you tell me" shrugging at Shannon he knew he should of told her when he first saw her but never did "I didn't think it mattered" her voice loud "you didn't think it mattered are you serious Lawson, you and Kerry had a history" looking at Shannon seeing the hurt she is trying to hide "It was a long time ago Shan, I hadn't been in the force for a long time, a couple of years if that, we went out for a while, I hadn't seen or heard from her since we broke up, I didn't even know where she was working now" shaking her head it was just getting worse "you're right Lawson it isn't going to work out between us, not when you lie to me, and keep secrets from me" seeing Lawson reaching out to touch her, she flinches, walking away from him slightly before turning around to face him, her words angry "I trusted you explicably never worrying where your going or where your been, I thought you were better than that and I trusted you, you were special I guess that's what hurt the much not that you'd done it, that's bloody horrible but I thought you were different not like other men." Reaching out to touch Shannon again seeing her blinking back tears, as she flings his arm off her "I can't stop thinking about it, , did you even think about us, whilst you were with Kerry?" Looking at Shannon there wasn't much Lawson could say "I'm sorry Shannon" truth was he didn't think about the consequences all the thought about was Kerry and the affair he was having, that was what it was, not that he ever used that word, now it is out in the open he has realised something looking at Shannon "I'm staying up here Shan for a while, I'm not coming back to Melbourne" turning away from Lawson blinking back the tears that are threatening to spill over "Kerry is married Lawson, you really think she's going to leave her husband for you" not looking at Shannon, did he think or just hope what ever the case, he wanted to spend time with his daughter get to know her "I don't know Shan, but I need to be here for her and … I want to get to know my daughter" looking at Lawson did she hear him right a sob forming in her throat as she gets up off the seat, feeling Lawson reaching out to touch her "don't, don't every try to touch me again" standing up moving his hand away he hated hurting her and the way things worked out "I'm sorry Shannon I really am, I never meant for any of this to happen, I never wanted to hurt you I only found out a few days ago that Sarah was mine" looking at Shannon as he stands he wish he could take away the hurt he caused, he never meant to hurt her seeing her looking up at him controlling the tears from forming "I would never hurt you the way you've hurt me" turning away not even looking at Lawson she had to get out of there all of it too much for her, running down the wharf she walks over to the side throwing up, wiping the tears from her eyes how could Lawson do all of this to her, she thought they had a future together that they would get married how wrong she was, did she ever really know him, the hurt and betrayal so strong made worse that she was his boss and the fact it had been going on for months

…

Hearing the machines beep as Kerry's eyes open, seeing them look around the room where is she, trying to focus her eyes shit what is in her mouth, struggling trying to take it out, she hears voices and people rushing in their voices soft and soothing "don't try to fight it" then hearing another voice, was that Chris "what's happening"

Watching the nurses hurry in the room as they work before the look at him "its good, she is breathing on her own, she is waking up" feeling the tube move out of her mouth her eyes open more as they land on Chris "what happened?" Relief flooding through him despite everything that had happened the thought of her dying was too much to cope with, he needed answers from her, despite it all he did still love her but the hurt and anger there "you don't remember?" looking at Chris and around she is in hospital how long had she been in there for the last thing she remembers was going away with Lawson shit did Chris know about that. Looking at Kerry lying there with the tubes all over her body "Your weekend away fucking turned wrong to shit, you were attacked" looking up at Chris, seeing anger in his eyes and hurt but she needs to know her voice full of worry "How's Lawson, is he ok?" shaking his head looking down at his wife, moving away from her "Is that all you can say and care about" looking at Chris's body turned away from her, wondering how much he did know "what do you want me to say" turning to face her standing a distance away from her "bloody hell Kerry, I'm your husband, the first thing you want to know about is Lawson ….. how long has it been going on for?" looking up at Chris his face red with anger "what does it matter" moving closer to him his voice louder "it matters alright HOW LONG" biting her lip her tongue moving around her mouth "maybe a month or two" moving closer to her "or 2 don't give me that shit Kerry" looking up at Chris her eyes hardening "don't pretend you actually care" shaking his head at her walking nearer to her "what do you think people will say Kerry when they find out, do you actually care about your career or you were too busy fucking Lawson" looking away from Chris she never thought anyone would find out, it was all a bit of harmless fun "I really couldn't care Chris, this will not affect my career. If you thought more about me and our marriage.?" Interrupting her his voice loud "don't you dare blame this on me Kerry" looking up at him her face expressionless "Nothings ever your fault is it Chris, you never take responsibility for anything or you actions"

Looking up at a nurse walking into the room "what is going on here, you can hear the yelling down the corridor, this is a hospital and Kerry is still only just stable, you can not just come in here upsetting any of the patients"

Looking up at Chris her eyes void of emotion towards him "he was just leaving" looking at Kerry damm her "this isn't finished or over Kerry"

…

Lying in bed, her mind going back to the previous days, she should of known Chris would find out, looking up at the door a small smile forming on her face, watching as Lawson walks into the room, sitting next to her wanting to reach for her hand. "I'm so sorry Kerry" shaking her head "this is not your fault Lawson neither of us expected this" reaching up touching his black eye "Did Chris do that?" nodding "nothing I didn't expect" reaching out for her hand "what now Kerry, are you staying with Chris" shaking her head interrupting him "don't …. I don't know"

Hearing a noise at the door, looking up closing her eyes briefly shaking her head at Lawson

Walking into the room seeing Lawson sitting there, walking over to him "get away from my wife" not moving from the room looking at Kerry before back at Chris "its up to Kerry if she wants me to leave or not, not you Chris" looking at Kerry sitting up on the bed was she serious, after everything "You stop seeing Lawson or our marriage is over Kerry, I don't want him around you or working at Tactical Response" looking at Lawson and back at Chris, the one thing the past few weeks had decided for her was she did love Lawson back, it was more than just sex and more than harmless fun, she was developing feelings for him all over again and she didn't think she could just walk away from him, or she didn't want to looking at Chris's face would he let her "Chris, just piss off, Lawson is not leaving Tactical Response" looking at Kerry in disbelief "this isn't over Kerry we need to sort this out" looking up at him "Chris just leave" standing at the door way "what about Sarah, have you thought how what affect this will have on her" her face void of expression as she looks at her "she's not your daughter" looking Up at Chris, he hated seeing Kerry upset, but he had hope she would leave him now "she's mine" looking at both of them, were they serious, but the look on both of their faces confirmed his fears his voice loud "where you going to tell me" seeing Kerry saying nothing "It was fine when you needed someone to help you with her and it suited you in the past 6 years when the actual father wasn't around because YOU never told him, I have been more to a father to her the past years than anyone Kerry, better father than you have been a mother, what are you going to tell Sarah, have you even thought what affect this will have on your daughter or have you been too busy wanting to play happy families and fucking Lawson". Biting her lips looking at Chris, part of what he said was true not that she would admit it to anyone

Looking up as the doctor walks in, stopping for the time being 'I've got all your test results back" glaring at Lawson and looking at Kerry "She's ok now". Looking up at the doctor "Tell them I'm fine" nodding at Kerry "Your results have come back clear, but I'm sorry you have lost the baby"

Looking at the doctor confused "What?" seeing him look at her "You were pregnant, about 9 weeks, your injuries were severe and you miscarried". Moving her eyes side to side, not able to look at Chris or Lawson, was the doctor serious looking up at his face yes she knew the baby was Lawson's shit they had been careful every time, closing her eyes briefly, shaking her head slightly, no the first time she had sex with Lawson they didn't it had just happened, looking up as the doctor walks out turning to face Chris and Lawson raising her eyes at them slightly her mouth slightly it isn't long before she hears Chris voice "You've got to be joking" her tongue moving around her lips, she wished it was a joke or the doctor said something when neither of them were around as Chris continues "This is bloody great, how were you going to explain this Kerry" shaking his head at her, he was now beyond mad with his wife, looking up at Chris the anger on his face her eyes moving slightly "I'm sorry Chris" then looking at Lawson giving a slight shrug "I didn't know, I didn't even realise" the relief she felt though was over whelming, she didn't want any more kids especially this way, what type of mother was she if she didn't even realise she was pregnant, that she lost the baby and was relieved, looking at them both she didn't want to fight with Chris anymore, she didn't know what she wanted seeing them glaring at each other before turning back to her "both of you just leave" seeing them standing there raising her voice "Piss of, go" turning away from the door, the tears start to fall, why had everything turned to shit, why if she was relieved she felt like this.

…..

Walking inside the house a week later, she doubted things would be the same, is her marriage over was that a relief or another failure added to her life already she wasn't even sure if she would have a home to come back to, it was their home but the way Chris had been she was unsure. Walking to the bedroom partly glad Sarah was at school she couldn't wait to see her daughter again she had spoken to James on the phone, he had wanted to fly out but she had convinced him she was alright, not wanting to get him caught up in it all or find out what had happened it was bad enough the whole squad knew she had screwed Lawson. Looking up she sees Chris standing at the door looking at her, she had hurt him a lot she had never really stopped to think what would happen if he found out, she thought he wouldn't and she could stop seeing Lawson at any time when she couldn't seeing Chris standing at the door leaning against the door way "You need to choose Kerry your marriage or Lawson" biting her lips not looking up at him at the moment she couldn't choose she had so much to lose hearing footsteps walking closer to her "Not only are you hurting me, what about Sarah Kerry, have you thought what this is doing to her, Lawson might be her biological father but I am the one she knows as her father and you're her mother, what are you going to tell her." Looking up at Chris her tongue moving around her mouth "Sarah is my daughter Chris, she'll get over it parents break up all the time. Lawson needs to get to know his daughter" seeing Chris glaring at her "Lawson, fuck Kerry, is that all you care about, our marriage is over, there is nothing to save, I'm giving you another chance here despite what you did". Looking up at Chris why didn't he understand that Lawson was Sarah's father a fact she had kept hidden the past 10 years but now out. Watching him walk out of the bedroom blinking back tears she was a strong person but the toll of the past 10 days catching up with her, her life turning to shit despite it all she was in love with 2 people, she had fallen for Lawson but she still did love Chris didn't she, didn't she want to leave him now she wasn't so sure, he made it seem so easy to leave him when she doubted he would, did she love Lawson she knew the answer to that, yes she had fallen for him again, she had no idea why, she thought it could be casual but now she doesn't want him out of her life was it the fact that Lawson gave her the attention or the fact she had loved him all those years ago. Looking up at Chris somehow he would give her the choice, she knew if she choose Lawson, shaking her head, she was in love with Lawson and didn't want to let him go.


	12. Chapter 12

Walking down to the lounge a while later she sees Chris sitting at the table working, walking into the kitchen getting a glass of wine, it is times like these she needs one seeing Chris looking at her saying nothing "was it worth it?" sipping the glass before looking at Chris she can't answer that question, was it a short time ago she would of said yes now she was unsure going to walk out of the room she hears Chris voice yelling at her "Shit Kerry you can't just walk away, and not answer my questions, I deserve some answers, you cheated on me, for how long …." Turning to face Chris her voice loud "Fuck Chris what do you want me to say, Yes it was, I didn't think I'd be caught, if this didn't happen I still would be with him, that he is the one I want to be with" blinking back the tears her voice loud nearly screaming "I screwed Lawson, Chris for the past 2 months and I enjoyed it, is that what you wanted to hear" looking at Kerry a glass of wine in his hand "did you even think about us, did you even think about us, whilst you were with Lawson?" biting her lips her eyes moving side to side "I'm sorry Chris, what do you want me to say", turning to face Kerry briefly he can't even look at her "I don't think there is anything you can say …. You can't even answer my questions" looking at Chris, did he really want her to answer his questions "It happened Chris, I slept with Lawson, and no amount of questions will change that … you really don't want to know the answers"

Walking to the door, she hears Chris voice "where are you going?" turning to face Chris, she needs to get out of the house "for a run" not waiting for a reply slamming the door behind her. Her feet pounding on the pavement, the distance not long, before slowing to a walk, the need to clear her head, did she want to stay with Chris would he actually let her walk away from the marriage. Opening the door a short time later she looks up seeing Chris there looking at her "Is that where you met him, each night you went for a run" shaking her head looking at Chris "don't Chris …. It doesn't matter" looking at Kerry the hurt in his eyes, wondering how she could of done this to her "It does to me it does matter…. You just don't do that" seeing Chris look away from her, as she moves slightly closer to him "what about trust… you just don't do that to someone's trust" staring at Chris before looking down on the ground her eyes moving from side to side before looking back at Chris "can we just forget it and try to move on" Not even looking at Kerry staring ahead "you'd love me to just conveniently forget it, that it never happened" moving closer to Chris "I know your pissed off at me and I hurt you badly" interrupting Kerry looking at her yelling "don't tell me how I feel" her tongue moving around her mouth spreading her arms out "Ok Chris, yell at me, get if all off your chest …I'm sorry Chris, it happened" looking at Kerry he knew she was attractive, a great figure he just never thought she would cheat on him "I would never hurt you Kerry the way you've hurt me" before turning away from her seeing Chris looking away from her, shaking her head walking up to the bedroom.

Walking up to the bedroom a short time later he sees Kerry on the bed, getting undressed there is one question he needs to know "Why did you do it Kerry, are you that unhappy" biting her lip her tongue moving around her lips her eyes moving around the room "he makes me feel good about myself, he gives me attention, he loves me …. We hadn't had sex in I don't know how long…" feeling like he has been slapped across the face with what Kerry said, did he really want to know everything she had said even if it was in the heat of the moment despite it all he still loved her a lot.

Sitting on the side of the bed, deep in thought looking straight ahead "I thought I was so lucky marrying you Kerry, I trusted you so much, I thought you were special" then turning around looking at Kerry "what hurts the most is you did it with Lawson, someone you work with, that hurts more than anything, that you actually slept with Lawson ….. I thought you were different Kerry… but you're not" not saying anything the hurt evident, despite it all she felt guilty no matter what she never meant to hurt Chris like this, as he continues "I trusted you explicably never worrying where your going or where your been, I thought you were better than that and I trusted you again, you were special I guess that's what hurt the much not that you'd done it, that's bloody horrible but I thought you were different not like others."

Reaching out to touch Chris's arm, feeling him flinch slightly turning away from Chris as she blinks back tears, she never expected this, she just never thought about the consequences or if they would be found out seeing Chris look at her "I can't stop thinking about it, you were out sleeping with another man, not any guy but someone in your squad whilst I was at home alone" seeing Chris look up at her

His words though feeling like he had hit her she hadn't thought of how her actions would affect anyone else, she wanted Lawson and she enjoyed it, looking at Chris, did she want to leave him did she want to try to work it out, was it an opportunity to leave "What's going to happen …. To us, do you want me to leave" sitting up in bed his eyes ahead "I don't know Kerry ….. despite it all I still love you, … I don't want to let you go" then shaking his head "I don't know Kerry" leaning towards her feeling his lips upon her as she feels his hands moving around her body undressing her, before lying on top of her feeling suffocated by his body and his lips press against hers trying to push him off her "Chris what are you doing" his mouth close to hers "what you only sleep with Lawson" pushing him off her, getting off the bed quickly putting her clothes on "come on Kerry hop back in bed, you said we never have sex" turning to face him "I don't want it like this Chris" before walking out of the room.

Hearing footsteps in the lounge room opening her eyes, seeing Chris walk in, still annoyed with him, the thought of making love to him feeling her with dread, was it Lawson she really wanted to be with. Smelling the coffee brewing getting up off the lounge, getting a cup before walking back, seeing Chris looking at her "I was thinking, what about going over to America for a while" looking up at Chris "what?" continuing on "If we are going to work this out Kerry, we need a fresh start, away from Tactical Response" looking up at Chris "you mean away from Lawson" hearing him slam his cup on the counter "Fuck Kerry, is that all you think about, why are you still here, do you want to be with him?" Looking up at Chris she can't answer him that would he even let her leave, did she want Lawson or the security she still had "why America" seeing her ignore his question he loved her and if he had to, he would have Lawson removed from Darwin and out of their lives he would not let her go to him "thought you might want to see James spend some time with him" shrugging she would but she was sure he had other motives, but did James want to see her "I'll think about it" seeing him look at her "that's all I can give you at the moment, it sounds great, but I can't just walk away from Tactical response, I set it up Chris" shaking his head his eyes staring into hers his voice firm and with meaning "you mean Lawson, if we stay Kerry, I will make sure Lawson is out of the squad and our lives". Watching him grab his keys as she turns to face her "I have to go to Nhulunbuy for a few days for work, I want you and Sarah to come" biting her lips she knew what he was saying he didn't want her home by herself whilst he was away "Sarah has school" looking at Kerry he wasn't going to take no, he wasn't going to leave her here to go to Lawson or continue her affair with him "its for a few days Kerry, be a good experience for her, it will be 2 days of school, I'll let them know today to book 2 extra seats" before walking out the door, biting her lips, could she move to America or even go away with him

….

Seeing Kerry walking towards him at the end of Nightcliff wharf it had been a while since he had seen her, since she had been released from hospital, he had spoken to her on the phone a few times but hadn't seen her, her face serious, he gets up, walking over to her he sees her put her hand up not letting him kiss her.

Looking at Lawson she sees him leaning towards him moving away from him putting her hand up she wants to feel his arms around her, his lips upon her but she can't "don't" seeing the confused look in his eyes he looks up at her "How long have you been back for?" looking at Lawson briefly before looking out over the water "not long, I cant stay long" nodding and looking at Kerry, he didn't want to know what happened whilst she had been away with Chris, the thought of them having sex he had been trying to keep them from his mind but he had to know "you and Chris? …." Not able to ask her if she had slept with him, knowing he was her husband, but the thought of them together after what happened he knew now she did have strong feelings for him, not looking at Lawson her eyes darting around she can't answer his question the time away Chris wanted the sex and she gave into him she was trying to work things out trying to get him to stay away from Lawson, she did have feelings for Lawson and strong ones, but she was married and had to make a go of it "Chris wants to move to America and start over again". Looking at Kerry is she serious, she can't seriously be thinking of moving away with him "Your joking" seeing her shake her head he realises it isn't a joke at all "No…" not even looking at him. Seeing Kerry's eyes down and looking away from him, he realises she is thinking of going with him "You're actually thinking about moving over there with him". Looking up at Lawson, it had all she had been thinking about, Chris was her husband and despite everything she did still love him in a way nodding at finally looking at him "I'm married, he's my husband Lawson" walking closer to Kerry "That hasn't stopped you before" interrupting him her voice firm "it is now" looking at Kerry wondering what had happened to make her change her mind he knew she never wanted anyone to find out but he thought with Chris finding out her marriage would be over, walking closer to her "You can't be serious Kerry, moving to America with Chris …..…. What about us then, what about me and my daughter" biting her lip her tongue moving around her mouth "there is no us … Sarah will be coming with us" walking away from him she looks at him "I'm sorry" before walking back down the jetty, and she was it was hard what she had to do for both their sakes she needed to let Lawson go.

….

Walking into Tactical response a few days later aware of the gossip that would be going around but the need to get back to work, can she leave Darwin and TR as much as she wants to see James can she give it all up, never see Lawson again, she knows what it is about Chris wanting her away from Lawson, keeping her to himself. Pulling the car up she sees the TR cars still there as her team starts to walk out, looking up it had been the first time she had seen Lawson since she told him it was over a week ago, there were calls from him which she had ignored seeing a smirk on Stella's face , Christian actually giving her a small smile, the others not really looking at her, she was sure they all by now would know what had happened that she had been having an affair with Lawson, turning away from them heading towards the communications room and her office.

Walking out of the locker room, Stella looks up in surprise she didn't expect to see Kerry back here at all, looking at Lawson she knew he and Shannon had broken up, according to Shannon, he had chosen Kerry over her she can't believe that Shannon was going to take him back. Watching as she walked away "I thought she wasn't coming back, did you know she was coming back Lawson" not even looking at Stella, he didn't know that she was coming back, she wasn't even returning his calls "why would I know Stella" a smile forming on her face was he serious "maybe the fact that sleeping with her, thought you'd know her pretty well by now" seeing Lawson glaring at her as she laughs.

Walking towards her office seeing Leon at his computer "what's that Leon" turning around in surprise shit trying to minimise the screen, he didn't think she would be back yet "what" pointing to the screen "what was on the screen" not looking at Kerry "welcome back, I didn't think you'd be back yet" rolling her eyes at him "obviously, what was on the screen" not wanting to show Kerry shrugging "Nothing just stuff" leaning towards Leon her voice firm "show me" trying to move away from her, as much as he had enjoyed working with her she had her moments and there were times he was scared of her opening up the screen again he turned to her, seeing her turn to him her eyes boring into his, moving away from her "where did you get this" looking at her the truth was he was trying to find out where it had come from "It was sent to me this morning" her voice firm, shit she should of guessed it would of got out, spread what had happened "where did you get it from who sent it" moving to the screen again "I don't know who sent it, it appeared this morning it was sent to the entire police force and more" biting her lip her tongue moving around her lips, she knew Chris would read it and if anyone didn't know they now would "just get rid of it and find out who is sending it" before walking to her office calling out to her "that was what I was trying to do Kerry, I am on your side here".

….

Leaning back in the TR1 waiting for the rest of the team to arrive, the past few nights huge Stella didn't want to go back to Melbourne, the atmosphere and partying up in Darwin was just here scene. The weekend huge staying awake taking drugs and drinking way too much, closing her eyes she now had a long shift ahead of her, at least it was with Lawson, she needed coffee, leaning back on the seat waiting for Lawson to arrive, she normally wanted to drive, today the back seat was calling her.

Walking towards the car looking around, Lawson sees Katie coming towards him with 2 cups of coffee "Looks like your driving today" walking towards the back seat "Old age catching up with you Stel" waking up suddenly hearing Lawson's voice jumping slightly "ouch" looking at her wrist tired to the back of the car "very funny guys". Watching Lawson getting in the car and handing her coffee "Big night Stel?" nodding at Lawson "Yeah always" then seeing him facing him "Not a good look Stel, sleeping in the TR car especially at base, and smelling of alcohol" rolling her eyes at Lawson he is one to talk "what about sleeping and having an affair with your boss Lawson, how does that look?" staring straight ahead, before turning to face Stella "That's got nothing to do with this" seeing Stella staring at him trying to control the smile "Why" looking at Stella was she serious, her situation was so different to this "That's a totally different thing right that's got nothing" as Stella interrupts him "Why's that" seeing Lawson turn around leaning as close to Stella as he can his voice quiet "Why why because it's a one night stand alright it was a hiccup, it just happened once" seeing Stella look at Lawson not waiting for him to say anymore or to finish, he was sure she knew more "I don't think it was a 1 night stand I think you slept with her more than once, I'm sure you did, that wasn't the first time and you know it" turning back in the seat, away from Stella, wanting the topic dropped, seeing Katie staring straight ahead trying not to listen, he wants to get away from the conversation, the truth was it wasn't a one night stand it wasn't the first time when they caught them, and he knew Stella had a feeling about that and the rest and wouldn't stop " It was a couple… Stella, out of the car now"

Following Lawson a smirk on her face "You know I won't stop Lawson until you admit it" shaking his head at StelIa "There is nothing to admit" seeing Stella raise her eyes at him shaking her head "Sleeping with Kerry or should I say having an affair with her, is worse than anything I have done, you have screwed her more than once Lawson so just admit it"

Looking at Stella wanting to shut her up "I slept with her a couple of times that was it" a smile on her face looking right at him "How many times" shrugging he couldn't tell her the truth or anyone, that it had been going on for a couple of months, or more, he had given Shannon a lie in a way and no doubt Stella heard from her "A couple of times that was all" hearing Stella ask again persistently "It was more than that, How many or how long" not wanting to tell her, he didn't need to tell her, he was her boss "What do you want to know for its none of your business" she is persistent shrugging "How many …. She's hot I can see the attraction Lawson, I wouldn't mind doing her" seeing Katie looking at him through the car window, no doubt she can hear some of it, now, curiosity on her face too, he can't answer it truthfully, he is lucky they both are that it wasn't taken any further "Jealous are you…It was a few times Stel, it wasn't much, this topic is now over" seeing a smile on Stella's face as she shakes her head her tongue moving around her lips as they walk back to the car she wanted to laugh Lawson admitted more than she thought, she had heard bits from Shannon, but was still surprised Lawson said what he did, opening the door there is a smile on Katie's also "you're kidding yourself Lawson" as she leans forward towards him over the console "that is worse than what I did" turning around to face Stella the conversation well and truly over a huge smile on her face "Your going soft Lawson, I thought you wouldn't give anything away … your in love with her?" giving a small laugh at the look on his face, his mouth open, seeing him turn around to face the front, was it that obvious how he felt about her "Piss off Stel" her mouth open her tongue moving around the huge grin still on her face, glancing at Katie seeing her eyes raise at him, too.

Driving along, Katie glances at Lawson, the way he and Stella get on, she wonders if the squad up here would be like that one day, it was a good team, and she did like Lawson, she did respect him up to a few weeks ago, she didn't agree with what happened between Kerry and Lawson but wasn't going to judge them, she was here to do a job and do it well, she had wanted to be in Tactical Response for years and now was her chance and she wasn't going to blow it. Kerry was a tough boss and hard but one thing that came through was she cared for her team and expected them to perform well including Lawson, whilst it would take a while to look at her the same again, in a way she did feel slightly sorry for her, her personal life coming in the spotlight of all in the squad, glancing at Lawson listening to him and Stella she must admit she had been curious to know how long it had been going on for.


	13. Chapter 13

Seeing Kerry's car still parked in TR, Lawson is the last one to leave, looking around before walking towards her office knocking on the door, and entering before she answers "Kerry, what's happening, you're not even answering my phone calls, you can tell me i can protect you" not even looking up from her desk, it wasn't her that needing protecting "you have to respect my decision, its over" watching as he closes the door before walking closer to her "did I not mean anything to you" looking up her eyes moving around look "this should never have happened it was a mistake" looking at Kerry trying to make eyes contact with her, history repeating itself he should of learnt the first time when he fell in love with her "your right it was a mistake …. so that's it" hearing the hurt in Lawson's voice she wished there was another way that she could be with him "I'm sorry " seeing Lawson looking at her with concern she looks away, not wanting to weaken "is he threatening you" shaking her head not able to speak, it wasn't her she was worried about" after everything your going back to him, you have your chance to leave him, yet you're still staying with him"

Walking into TR, seeing Kerry's car still there, walking around seeing no one around, about to knock on her office door, when does she keep it closed, watching as it opens and Lawson walks out. Narrowing his eyes, why can't he leave his wife along, he knows given a chance Kerry would leave him for Lawson, he thought he had made it clear that he would have Lawson out of Tactical response and back to Melbourne, watching as Lawson walks outside following him at a distance. Opening the door to his car, his mind elsewhere, how could he get it so wrong he thought Kerry was going to leave Chris after this, the time in the hospital but now this, he is sure that Chris has some hold over her, threatening her he thought they were going to be together, as he puts the key in the door, falling to the ground as he turns around feeling a fist to his face falling to the ground, he feels a kick to his ribs and face as quickly as the attack started it is over. Struggling to get up leaning against the car looking around putting his arms up to his ribs, sitting in the car does he go back into TR or drive home.

…

Walking along the beach, the running had been short, even being away for 3 weeks her fitness had suffered, she couldn't go home not yet, she needed to think, Chris wanting to leave in a few weeks, to go to America for a few months it was all becoming too much, could she just leave him, isn't it what she wanted all this time, knowing if she did at the moment, Lawson would lose his job and with Chris's connections probably out of the police force she wouldn't couldn't do that to him and she has no doubt Chris was the one who had caused the black eye and injuries on Lawson despite Lawson saying nothing about it. Hearing her name shit why can't he leave her alone, ignoring his voice, it isn't long before he is front of her "Kerry" looking up at him "Lawson just go, you shouldn't be here" reaching out to touch her, she flings off his arm "don't, we can't bump into each other, can't see each other, its over Lawson" looking at Kerry in the face he doesn't believe that she means it "You don't want it to be over I know that Kerry" not able to look at him in the eyes, there is truth in what he is saying "It has to be Lawson … I'm going to America … this has not been a easy decision to make" looking at Kerry sadness in his eyes " i know that …. why are you doing this" giving a small smile to him she can't tell him everything, even though she has a pretty good idea he knows " you don't need to worry about me, I'll be fine" looking at Kerry he isn't convinced he is sure Chris has some hold over her, he knows he was the one who hit him from behind but he also knows if he said anything Chris would use his power and he would never see Kerry again "He won't change Kerry …. why are you going back to him, you have the chance to leave him …. Move in with me" shaking her head, sadness in her eyes, part of her did want to leave him, but she knows there will be price to pay her voice firm, she needs him to believe at least in what she is saying "I want to be with him Lawson ….I ….. I love him" looking at Kerry wanting to shake her, he knows her so well that she isn't telling the truth "if you need my help I'm here" not able to help herself reaching out to touch his arm, despite not trying to, she can't help her feelings for him, even trying to avoid him she did love him and wanted to be with him "I know" staring into Kerry's eyes not wanting her to leave, he knows the dangers but he can't help it "do you have any idea the risk your taking staying with him Kerry"

Looking at Lawson in the eyes biting her lips she would take the risk as long as Lawson was safe and kept his job she couldn't live with it if anything happened to him, or him losing his job "I also have to do what I think is right" looking at Lawson, maybe America wouldn't be so bad, she didn't then have to see Lawson, have him so close and not be able to touch him involuntarily bringing her fingers up to her lips, she can still feel his touch on there, she needs to get out of there and now "If things were different…. But they aren't" before moving away from him, watching her start to walk away "if anything goes wrong just call"

….

Sitting at the table with Lawson the rest of the team gone home Stella knew Shannon and him had broken up but seeing him sitting there his face miserable, she knew that he and Kerry had stopped their affair too, he had been asking her about Shannon how she was going did he want her back. Seeing Stella looking at him "I'm fine" shaking her head at him "no your not fine, your miserable you might as well have a sign on you head" looking at Lawson not even sipping his beer, already on his 5th "do you want my advice" not even looking at Stella, why can't she leave him alone "no not really" giving a short laugh at Lawson "go and get her back" giving a short laugh leaning back on the chair with his arms folded "its not that simple" leaning forward towards Lawson "yes it is if she's what you already want" taking a long swig from the bottle of beer "how do you know i haven't already tried" staring at him in the eyes giving him a small shrug "you might have but seeing you're not back together yet i don't think you have tried very hard and you do seem pretty down without her" moving away from her his voice firm "its none of your business" looking at Lawson her elbows on the table "I'm your friend and I have to work with you and put up with your moods so yeah it actually is kind of my business ….. you love her and miserable without her so why won't you fight for her" then shaking her head "if you're not willing to put yourself out there you don't deserve her" giving a short laugh, wishing she would leave "save your romance rubbish" shrugging at Lawson pretending to give up "what woman doesn't want to be with a man willing to fight for their relationship. Go to Melbourne and surprise her" looking at Stella what was she talking about "why would I go to Melbourne when she's in Darwin" looking at Lawson trying not to show her surprise, wasn't he talking about Shannon "do I have to spell it out, to see Shannon" giving a loud laugh "you think this is about Shannon" nodding at Lawson who else would it be about he had been asking about Shannon lately "yeah" before the realisation hits her "shit you want Kerry"

…

Walking up to Kerry's door it isn't long before she answers no smile on her face "what do you want" seeing Lawson looking at her why can't he understand that she doesn't want to see her and is making is hard, why can't he leave her alone, seeing him there though she wants him still "I just wanted to see you" not letting him inside standing at the door "what part of leave me alone don't you understand" seeing the hurt in his eyes she can't give in to him. Seeing Kerry looking at him her eyes showing no emotion "just what to ask you a question" standing at the door not moving "what is it" taking a deep breath he needs to know he can't let go "do you still love me" not looking at Lawson her eyes moving around "it doesn't matter" trying to get Kerry to look at him "it matters a lot … if we walk away now we will always wonder what could have been" reaching out and touching Kerry, feeling her pull away from his touch "what about everything we've been through … what about Sarah" moving closer to Kerry seeing her eyes still hard "that's not all we have" seeing Kerry starting to move inside ready to close the door "I'll go but I'll come back tomorrow and the next day. I'm not going to give up on us not till you realise we deserve another chance. I still love you". Closing the door on Lawson, she had listened to Lawson she would wonder what could have been but she made her decision, she still wants him still wants to be with him, could she actually do it leave Chris, could they leave Darwin

….

Running along the beach the toll of the past few months catching up with her, the need for fresh air and to think, the need to get out of the house the way Chris watches her stopping leaning forward trying to get her breath back and her breathing under control, looking out over the water the sun will set soon over the water. Walking towards the casino the need for a glass of wine, sitting out watching the sunset, no doubt her phone will ring soon. Walking out of the casino, away from the crowds with the bottle of wine leaning back on the lounge over looking the bay, seeing someone sitting down next to her, turning to look at him "what are you doing here, you've got to leave me alone" before looking forward again as the voice says "why" not even looking at Lawson staring straight ahead "oh god …. Why are you doing this …. You wanting to get back at Chris?" staring over the water before looking at Kerry he can't help but stare at her "this is nothing to do with him, you are smart, sexy you run rings around him" glancing at Lawson before looking over the water not really seeing anything her voice soft "what do you want …what do" before looking at him she had guessed that much why can't he take a hint his voice low "I can't stop thinking about you" staring at him shaking her head her mouth slightly open "your mad" seeing his eyes upon her not moving, man she was so beautiful he wanted her so badly more than before, he was so in love with her he wanted her to leave Chris to be with him "maybe this is dangerous for me, your married" looking straight ahead her mouth slightly open before biting her lips her tongue moving around her lips why couldn't he leave her alone, it was so tempting to kiss him to grab him, couldn't he realise it was taking so much to stay away from him, she had to be strong and mean to him, she couldn't give in,before looking at him again "I know what you've said, I don't want to force you into anything …" maintaining his eyes contact he isn't forcing her she wants to be with him, so much leaning closer to him, as his arms pull him towards her, wrapping her arms around him kissing him as she looks up seeing eyes looking at them both .

Looking up at the eyes looking down at them, pulling quickly away from Lawson "Um …I …shit this didn't happen" walking quickly away turning around at the door seeing Katie, Steve, Stella and Josh still there looking at her and Lawson.

Walking into the bar after work, going to the casino for a change, walking to the outside bar, opening the door, looking for a place to seat, their mouths open, a smirk on Stella's face "I see Lawson has taken my advice" seeing Katie and Steve mouth's still open as Katie says "Isn't Kerry married still?" seeing Kerry look up at them, as Steve shakes his head "You think she would of learnt last time, what they are doing is wrong". Glancing at his mate, seeing the shock in his eyes too, as Kerry hurries away his voice firm "Let it go, you have no idea what is happening between either of them" hearing the smugness in Stella's voice "I think we have a pretty good idea Josh, what they want to happen, let's hope Chris doesn't find out again, or Lawson will get more than a black eye, if he finds out he is screwing his wife still" seeing Josh glaring at her "It was a kiss Stella, that was all we saw" as they walk over to Lawson.

Watching as the team walks over to him, closing his eyes, why did they have to walk in at that moment, suppose it was better than Chris walking in, glad Josh was there, shit why Stella watching as she puts her drink down "You want another black eye Lawson, glad you took my advice though, I get it she is pretty hot, I'd do her" shaking his head at Stella as he hears Josh's voice "I'd agree with you there Stel" nodding at them both "she's pretty hot for someone her age" seeing Lawson rolling his eyes at her "she's not that old" a smile on her face "yeah, but your old anyway Lawson"

…..

Walking up to Lawson's apartment can she really do it seeing him at work each day was hard she wanted him seeing him at the Casino the other night, confirmed what she wanted, even with half her team there seeing her kissing Lawson it got her thinking, could she do it, could she leave Chris she needed to tell Lawson the truth. Walking out of the apartment along the Esplanade "Lawson I do want to be with you, but its dangerous, I'm putting your life in danger" looking at Kerry he wasn't surprised he knew she was protecting him "I don't mind Kerry, I live with danger every day " shaking her head at him "Lawson I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you, you've already had stuff happen to you, it will again." Reaching out for her hand "what are you telling me?" looking at him "we can't be together" wanting to reach out "so this is it" nodding at him how she wished it wasn't "it has to be for now" walking away for him, looking over the harbour, she wished there was another way blinking back the tears she was a strong person but here she was trapped.

Walking inside the house, the days long, putting together the final briefing to have Tactical Response a permanent in Darwin, the team coming together. It wouldn't be long until Lawson, Josh, Christian and Stella go back to Melbourne, she would miss them, the team was great not that she would tell them. The next few days would be long again with the navy coming into town for a couple of days. Looking up at Chris walking in she had tried to make it work, she had stayed with him to protect Lawson, she couldn't stay with him much longer, once Lawson left she would be free as Lawson would be safe, he was yet to hurt her and doubted he would.

Walking into the house Chris looks at his wife, despite what he said to her, here she was still seeing Lawson, he had stopped on his way back to headquarters not believing what he saw, he wouldn't let her leave her especially not for someone else. Looking up at his wife did she think he was an idiot, looking into her eyes "I had an interesting day today, there was an incident on the Esplanade" hearing Chris, he didn't have to say anything else, she knew he had seen them, trying to keep her face neutral "I never heard anything about it, pretty quiet day for TR" looking at Kerry he is sure it was her there "so you stayed at base" looking up at Chris her eyes showing no emotion "pretty much, went out briefly" relief flooding through her as Sarah walks through the door.

…..

Walking up to Lawson's apartment it isn't long until he answers the door "Can I come in" seeing Lawson nod, slight confusion in his eyes, her eyes look around before going back to him. Walking over to him her face inches from his "I want to be with you" hearing Kerry say that, hope flooding through him "Chris won't let me leave him, he saw us Lawson ….." walking towards Kerry he needs to be there and help him putting his hands on her waist as she looks at him. Looking into his caring eyes, shaking her head slightly "I don't know how we can be together" drawing Kerry closer towards him looking into her eyes "you need to leave him" nodding at Lawson it had been so long since she felt his touch, reaching under his shirt as she shakes her head looking down slightly "It's not that easy … if I do I don't know what Chris will do …" then looking at Lawson "I can't lose you Lawson" putting his arms around her waist "You won't, we will find a way to be together" as she looks up at him leaning down as his lips meet hers.

Feeling Lawson's finger run up her arm as she lies on her side facing him, what started out as a casual affair had ended up with her falling back in love with him again, she didn't think she would end up sleeping with him again but despite trying to stay away from him she couldn't. Facing Lawson "The only way we can be together if for one of us to leave Tactical Response… it will take time." Looking him in the eyes "I'm going to file for divorce …. Once I do I need to get away from here" looking at Kerry she is a tough person but he can tell she is scared, reaching out and pushing her hair off her face "I'll come with you…. I will protect you from him ….. you can't let him ruin your life Kerry. We can move somewhere, as long as I'm with you" staring at Lawson he makes it sound so simple "he won't make it easy" staring into her eyes he knows partly what he is like "We will make it work" looking at Lawson stroking his face it is him she wants to be with, the hard part now starts she knows he won't take it well feeling Lawson's lips upon hers as his arms wrap around her pulling her down towards him.

Looking at Kerry lying there, he had missed looking at her body, he would never tired of it, his fingers moving to her back undoing her bra watching as it falls from her body as his lips move around her body, his hands massaging her stomach and breasts, hearing Kerry moan, looking into her eyes, he had wanted to do this again for so long this time, more meaningful he single, Kerry leaving Chris, whispering "I love you"

Feeling Lawson's fingers running over her stomach, tingling feeling his lips on her neck moving down to her breast and stomach not able to control her self arching her body towards his, wanting him so badly wrapping her arms around his neck before moving down his body pushing his body towards her, as her hands move onto his bum, pushing him towards her.

Picking up her shoes and walking out of Lawson's bedroom she wants to stay with him, she knows if Chris found out she was here, or worse that she just slept with him again that he would do something to Lawson or both of them. Walking to the front door feeling Lawson's arms around her waist turning to face him her hands moving around his bare chest "I need to do this in my time Lawson"

….

Walking into the bedroom, in the walk in wardrobe stopping, her stuff had been moved "shit", quickly getting out her phone and calling Lawson's phone again it rings out dialling Leon "Have you heard from Lawson" hearing a negative reply trying to keep thee worry out of her voice, hanging up after speaking to Josh "where are you Lawson". Seeing Kerry walk into base a short time later Leon turns around "you're not going to like this" trying to remain calm "Leon, get on with it" facing Kerry "Lawson got a call to meet TR" interrupting Lawson "where did he go, who made the call" seeing the worry on Kerry's face "the call was a hoax" seeing Kerry close her eyes as he continues "TR2 was sent out but I am unable to contact them now


	14. Chapter 14

" Looking at the screen "the coms are down and the cameras are down" looking at the screen trying to control the fear she is feeling "who sent TR2 out and found out it was a hoax, why wasn't I told earlier" looking at Kerry her eyes boring into his "I don't know … Lawson rang in asking about it, no one knew anything …. I don't know Kerry I don't know" facing Leon her voice loud of full of anger pointing to the screen "How can you not know, this is your job Leon, to know where each member is on a job, to log the jobs they are sent out on" then moving closer to him "that is what your paid for, not the other shit you do" then trying to hide her fear yelling at him, pointing at the computer "find out Leon, use that computer and find out …. If TR is sent out then you need to know exactly what is going on, what about the GPS on the car" looking up at the screen still talking to Leon "can you locate him by his phone?" looking at the screen "If it is turned on and in range, I can triangulate the phone, the GPS was taken off the car" biting her lip "do it Leon, can you get information from where the TR car was before the GPS was taken off where is the GPS now"

Tapping her foot impatiently "hurry up Leon, call Amber if need be" not even looking at Kerry "I can only go as fast as the computer" then facing Kerry "it is between Humpty Doo and Bark Hut Inn is all I can give so far" not waiting for any more information "I think I know where he could be" calling out after Kerry "where" seeing her ignoring him as she drive out of the base.

Turning off the Arnhem Highway she hopes her hunch is right, she is pretty sure this is where he is, and pretty sure who made the call. Driving down the dirt road hearing Leon's voice coming through "the best I can get is around Point Stuart area, do you want TR there, the GPS is not even giving a signal anymore?" biting her lip there was only one reason she can think off that Lawson was there "not yet Leon, how can it not give a signal" then hearing Leon's voice "Either smashed or put in the river? The last signal we have from it though is around Point Stuart, I'll send through the co-ordinates to your phone"

Pulling up the parking area, banging the wheel, shit where are you Lawson into her com "Leon send through a map of the area, all the tracks where they lead too, send out TR 1 down here" pulling out onto the dirt track getting out of the car looking around, seeing a track ahead.

Arriving at the clearing, she sees TR car partly hidden near by "Leon, I've found TR car" not even thinking of putting the bullet proof vest on, getting her gun out off her hip, walking around the corner, stopping on the spot, a body there looking around before walking over rolling them over her mouth open, shit Steve, kneeling down feeling his neck a faint pulse there. Into her com "Leon, I need an ambulance now" reaching out for his hand "hang on, an ambulance is on the way" seeing him trying to focus on her "Steve where's Lawson" touching his face "Stay with me Steve, come on … who did this?" trying to focus on her his eyes starting to glaze over "he, he took Lawson" biting her lips trying to keep the panic from her voice "who Steve" seeing his close his eyes "Steve open your eyes stay with me who took Lawson" looking at Kerry his eyes trying to focus "Chr….. he had a" into her com "Leon I need that ambulance now, where is it" looking at the screen "about 5 minutes away TR1 is about 10 minutes away" looking around carefully, shit where is he walking closer to the river looking around wanting to call out "Leon, is there any CCTV footage around here"

Walking closer to the river looking around, seeing something in the distance hurrying over, seeing the TR uniform taking a deep breath closing her eyes rolling the body over looking around shit where is he kneeling down trying to feel for a pulse putting her hand across her mouth "two members of her team down shot, one dead the other one injured and one now missing" following the river looking out, the place a good one isolated and a river full of crocodiles into her com "Leon, get homicide out here" staring at the screen "Homicide only meant one thing, someone was already dead".

Seeing a figure ahead of her, go around the corner as she gets closer they turn around as much as she didn't want to admit it her mouth slightly open. Turning around seeing Kerry there, he wondered if she would figure it out, he had warned her, slightly glad now she is here, there is no way he is going to jail or Kerry is leaving turning back to the river walking slightly away. She was the one to blame for this how could she do this, he thought they were working things out.

Seeing Chris turn and look at her, her eyes fixed on him moving her mouth shaking her head, "Put the gun down Chris, drop it, turn around and face me" seeing Chris not moving "Chris, Please" seeing Chris turn around looking at her the gun still in his hand "Put the gun down Chris" looking at Kerry seeing uncertainity in her eyes "You don't want to do this Kerry" seeing him start to move towards her firing at the ground near him "stay where you are". Seeing the shot near him Chris looks up at Kerry she wouldn't shoot him "alright" her gaze not moving from Chris trying not to let her hand shake "Put down the gun" watching Chris ignore her, cocking the gun her voice louder wanting him to take notice of her "I said put down the gun" looking at Kerry's eyes trying to get her nervous "I can't go to jail Kerry, you know that" moving the gun around a bit her hand shaking slightly "Put down the gun" his voice softer trying to reason with Kerry she was his wife, he knew she didn't want to do it "You love me still Kerry, you don't want to do this, just turn around and let me walk away and You can be with Lawson" shaking her head, Lawson "I can't do that Chris" then her voice very loud her hands shaking with the gun "Please Chris, put it down" staring at Kerry's eyes maintaining her gaze he knew Kerry better than she knew herself, she was tough and in control on the exterior but underneath it all she had a vulnerability which she kept hidden from most, with her upbringing she didn't think she was good enough and that guys wouldn't go out with her, she let down her barrier with him eventually and she fell in love with him like he had with her for so long "You love me Kerry, you don't want to do this" staring at him was this the same person she was married too, her eyes glancing around briefly "where is Lawson" knowing she probably wouldn't let him walk away but he was sure he could talk her slightly around, he knew what she was like when she loved someone and he was sure she loved Lawson partly surprised she acted on her feelings but now it could work in his advantage, how badly did she want Lawson shaking his head "Not sure what you're talking about Kerry I came out here, chasing up a lead" her hand shaking slightly "two of my officers are shot Chris, and one missing, just tell me what you've done with him" not looking away from him, seeing his eyes with a coldness in them "If I can't have you I won't let you have Lawson" her eyes glancing around him "Chris just put the gun down ….. why are you doing this" looking at Kerry didn't she get it, did she really think he would let her go "This is your fault Kerry, all of this is because of you" staring at Chris her eyes wide open realisation of the seriousness of the situation, that Chris wasn't listening to reason "Shit Chris, what have you done with Lawson" a laugh coming from him a knowing smile on his face "wouldn't you like to know …. Who said I did anything … if you shoot me you'll never know, let me go and I'll tell you where Lawson is" her eyes darting around, she can't let him go, she will find Lawson with or without his help, her voice louder as she moves slightly closer to him her gun still aimed on him "Put down the gun, put down the bloody gun" looking at Kerry he can see it in her eyes trying to remain in control from it all but she isn't her hand slightly wavering "alright" watching as he puts the gun down on the ground wanting to sigh in relief but her eyes fixed on him not even looking around, biting her lips " walk away from it" watching as Chris turns around away from her yelling at him "Chris turn around" watching as he turns around a gun in his hand moving upwards firing her gun at him, watching as he falls to the ground all she can do is stand there staring at him her eyes not moving.

Watching Kerry yelling at him loosing her control this is what he wanted Kerry just came quicker than he thought he wanted Kerry to watch what he did to Lawson, helpless watching him die before he shot her too, did she really think she could lead him on pretend everything was alright, didn't she realise how much he loved her. He knew if he didn't cover his tracks she would find out and come and find him, did she think he was stupid and wouldn't find the divorce papers and transfer papers. He knew Sarah wasn't his daughter but he treated her like her own, here she was wanting Lawson to be a part of her life now, where would that leave him. Remaining calm, he doubted Kerry could do it, shoot him, sure he could talk her out of it, his voice calm and soft. Putting the gun down slowly he is sure Kerry would start to relax now, standing up slowly turning around, pulling the gun out from behind him turning to face her before he could even bring the gun up the shots coming from her gun.

Her face showing the shock on it her mouth open staring at Chris lying on the ground, only hesitating a minute before racing over, leaning over him there was a faint pulse. Hearing a noise looking up seeing Stella and Josh race over followed by Katie "be careful, call an ambulance" seeing Josh move over not even looking at him "Don't touch him … oh Chris I'm so sorry hang in there an ambulance is on its way" looking up at Kerry she did do it, she shot actually pulled the trigger and shot him, seeing Chris look at her his eyes glazed over grabbing her shirt "you've won" her eyes open wide and sad "no one won here ….." her voice firmer "where's Lawson" seeing his eyes close as she shakes him gently "Don't you dare die on me, stay with me" opening his eyes looking at Kerry, here she still was talking about Lawson he wasn't going to make it easy on her, he didn't want them together his voice raspy and soft "you don't have long" seeing him fall back down, feeling a pulse faint still, into her com "Leon where is the ambulance" before getting up turning to Josh and Stella "Search the area, everywhere he has to be here somewhere?" Stella turns to glance at Josh before looking around "Shit where do we start to look he could be anywhere" glancing at Stella and Kerry, this was his mate here, glaring at Chris on the ground "Hope the prick dies"

Hearing the ambulance arrive turning to Katie and Mick having to walk around glancing back at them often, the worry of where Lawson is and Chris here, it doesn't look good she wants to stay with him but not able to bring herself to kneel down next to him, she can't walk away but she can't say with him looking at them worry in her voice "geez here they come he's still breathing yeah" nodding at Kerry seeing her pacing the worry etched on her drawn face seeing her trying to be strong and holding it together "he's unconscious but breathing" nodding not taking much in, watching as the ambulance walks over standing near by watching what they are doing, her eyes searching around shit how did it all happen rubbing her hands over her face trying to keep it together why did it happen, looking up the path the body of Dave there Steve now taken to hospital. Looking out across the Mary River, seeing the odd crocodile, one sunning itself on the bank, another gliding near by, did he dump Lawson in the river. Brought back to the presence as she hears the ambulance officers "he's gone into cardiac arrest" watching her mouth and eyes wide open as they try to revive him hearing the machine beep as his chest jerks with the machine trying to keep the sobs that are threatened to spill over under control she can't lose it, not now. Running her hand through her hair he can't die, despite it all he was her husband, how could he do it all she thought once she was here it was what he wanted, never thinking of the carnage already here. Watching each attempt the ambulance officers make trying to revive him, seeing them look up at her "I'm sorry he's gone" nodding at them here mouth slightly open not taking it all in not even seeing Matt next to her until she hears his voice "let's get you back to base" feeling his hand on her arm, shaking it off determination in her voice, trying to stop the tremble "I'm not going anywhere, there is still an officer missing out there"

Hearing Leon's voice "ethical standards is on its way out there and the water police are about 30 minutes away" looking at Kerry, she was in no state to deal with them, but as a gun was discharged, she had to do the piss test "Kerry you're in shock, at least wait in the car, I'll come and get you if they find him" shaking her head she can't move watching as the ambulance puts Chris's body in a bag moving it away from the banks walking over to the river, throwing up, feeling the tears well up in her eyes blinking them back before facing out on the river his words echoing in her mind "You don't have long" into her com "Leon send through the tidal charts and map of this area of the river" turning to look at Kerry "what are you thinking" facing Matt she needs to keep busy "Chris said "he doesn't have long" hurrying along the river "if its tidal he is somewhere for when the tide comes in or a creek or close to the river" catching up to her he is worried about her, she just shot someone, he had heard the rumours about her and Lawson again despite them being caught together you would have to be deaf not too "Josh and Stella have looked along here" facing the other side "what about down there" nodding at Kerry "Mick and Katie are searching down there and Christian up towards the road"

Hearing a car arrive turning around closing her eyes shit Ethical Standards seeing them walk towards her "Inspector Kerry Vincent" not even looking at them "Yeah" seeing them show their badge "inspector Peter Cox and Inspector David Wilson from Ethical Standards" her eyes moving around to the other two guys "Detective Anthony Hatch and Detective Tommy Skyes from Homicide, you up to going through what happened" glaring at them, she didn't want to talk to them her voice harsh "Can't this wait, I have an officer missing still". Looking at Senior Sergeant Matthew Watson his voice quiet "Senior Sergeant Lawson Blake is still missing, Tactical Response is out looking for him as we speak" nodding at Matt before turning to Kerry "we just need a sample of your urine for the time being" looking at them her face blank "what" "A weapon was discharged" nodding absently going through the motions now with them all here, it all started to seem so real before facing back to the river.

Walking along the banks Stella turns to Josh "all of this is because Kerry had an affair with Lawson…. What if we don't find him Josh …. Who knows what Chris did with him" the thoughts going through Josh's mind wondering if Chris had already killed and disposed of him "Just concentrate on finding him Stel"

Coming to the creek, "This place gives me the creeps Josh, I'm not going in that creek" nodding at Stella, he has to agree, the mangroves near by hearing a noise did he imagine it "Did you hear that?" looking at Josh, hearing a moaning again nodding "over here" hurrying over calling out "Lawson, Lawson" looking around hearing Stella's voice call out, hurrying out "Help me Josh we need to get him out of here". Into her com "we're found him, 150 metres downstream" pulling him up to the bank moving him away from the Mangroves, quickly untying his hands and feet.

Was that a voice, hearing his name, calling out again, his head hurting, not able to move his arms or legs, trying not to panic, or make much noise, he knew the water was rising and coming in. Relief in his eyes as he sees Stella and Josh pulling him up onto the bank, his head hurting, hearing Stella "we need to get you checked out" nodding at her "Kerry, where's Kerry". Looking at them, he knew there was something they weren't telling him "let's just get you back, and checked over".

….

Leaning on a car with a blanket wrapped around her, her eyes down her face blank she doesn't want to think, not seeing Matt come up next to her followed by homicide "Kerry you need to come to the station" looking at Kerry she was in no state "Can't it wait until tomorrow?" shaking their head "better she does it tonight" putting his hand on her back guiding her towards her car seeing her stop not moving turning around looking out over the river her eyes fixed not moving.

Lawson watches Kerry with concern on his face not wanting to leave her, he wanted to comfort her, to hold her and protect her, her face etched with guilt, sorrow keeping it all together, seeing her look out over the river putting her arms over her head.

Looking out over the river was it only a few hours ago it all happened relief Lawson was found not wanting to go back to their house, she never wanted this to happen, the memories all flashing back, Chris taking out another gun turning around, the shots coming from her gun, seeing him drop to the ground putting her arms over her head what is she going to do now, she wanted him out of her life now he is dead because of her, she shot him, she was the one who killed him.

Walking over to Kerry putting his arm on Kerry, guiding her to the car, all he has to do is look at her face drawn trying to remain strong. Putting her in the car "I won't be long" not even understanding what Lawson is saying her face blank staring out the window, it seemed so long ago that she pulled up here biting her lips no longer able to remain strong as the tears start to fall pulling her knees up towards her chest what had she done, how is she going to explain it to Sarah, still hearing Ethical Standards voice "were you or are you in a relationship with Senior Sergeant Lawson Blake" before hearing the shots echoing Chris falling to the ground.

Seeing Matt walking over to him "I'm taking Kerry back" nodding at Lawson "Give me a minute and I'll drive you", walking over to the team "I'm taking Kerry back, go home or do what ever you need to do, tomorrow will be a long day. I'll see you at base at 2pm, there will be debriefing, pysch. Today we lost two team members ….. someone will need to take TR2 back and Lawson's car" seeing them nod the mood still sombre, not only was Chris killed but he had killed two members of their team, he still hadn't told Kerry that Steve had died earlier on, they couldn't save him, but pretty sure she had guessed.

Looking at the car seeing Kerry sitting in it just staring straight ahead, he wished he could do more. Looking out across the water and around waiting for Matt to come back, Chris' body taken away a while ago, was this all because of him and Kerry, shaking his head no Chris was the one who had done this, he had a problem and couldn't let Kerry go needing to keep himself together for Kerry's sake and the team, the toll of the day catching up on him, could he of done anything different could he of saved Steve and Dave, they were causalities in Chris's vendetta against him and Kerry.

Pulling up at the base, Matt sees Kerry sitting in the car still staring ahead "I'm sorry Kerry" seeing her look at him, her face glazed over. Watching as Kerry walked back into the base Leon looked at her, not imagining what she had been through her face drawn full of sorrow and sadness he could only imagine what it would be like for her "is there anything you need". Looking at Leon a blank look on her face not even hearing really what he said, her eyes looking around everything seems the same but it wasn't and never would be again. She had to see Ethical standards again tomorrow, she can't be here anymore trying to remain strong not wanting for anyone to see her fall apart. Walking into base after Kerry Lawson knew that he would have to step up and be the leader he was assigned to be to keep the team together. It would take Kerry a while to come back from this, even as strong as she was, underneath it all she was vulnerable, and she had just shot and killed her husband despite it all she would feel guilty about it.

Lawson stood in the shadow of the doorway, silently watching Kerry fall apart. He was amazed at how she tried to hard to keep it together but was slowly failing. He knew at some point she would break completely and that he needed to be there for her. He knew what a huge responsibility it was running TR and that Kerry did an amazing job, but even she had her limits even though it never seemed like it.

She felt strong arms wrap around her shoulders and instinctively leaned back into the embrace, not caring who saw her she was trying to be strong but starting to fall apart she couldn't go home to her place, she would see Chris everywhere there. A voice spoke softly in her ear. "Come on Kerry, you can come and stay at my place tonight, you're in no shape to be alone right now." Lawson said quietly. Kerry felt numb but nodded, allowing herself to be turned around and slowly escorted from the room, gently led by Lawson to the carpark as they passed TR's car Kerry started crying again her feet buckling underneath her. Watching start to fall, quickly putting his arms around her even then it was taking her all her strength to walk, leaning on Lawson as they make there way to his car.

When they reached his house, Lawson quietly got out of the car, shutting the door and went around to Kerry's side. He noted that she had fallen asleep not wanting to wake her, sure if he would she wouldn't be able to sleep again. He opened the door quietly and picked her up, shut the door and carried her inside. He pushed the covers aside, laid her on his bed and drew the covers over her small frame. As he straightened up and turned away, preparing to leave, he heard a quiet voice say "don't leave me." He turned back around and saw that Kerry's eyes trained in his direction, grief still etched across her face. Lawson nodded silently and moved around to the other side of the bed, sat down, removed his shoes, socks and shirt, leaving his t-shirt on underneath and climbed into bed beside Kerry. He wrapped his arms around her as she relaxed and finally drifted off to sleep exhausted. He closed his eyes, knowing that no amount of sleep could undo what happened, but it was a welcome break from reality, even for a short time, ensuring Kerry was still asleep. And with that final thought, he drifted off to sleep.

….

Sitting at the table at base the day finally over, Stella looks at Josh "none of this would of happened if Kerry didn't sleep with Lawson and cheat on Chris, I kind of feel sorry for him to have his wife cheat on him." Looking at Stella "There's more to it than that Stel, No one forced Chris to do it" sipping her drink "Cheating on your partner isn't on Josh, there are so many people affected by Kerry cheating on Chris, Shannon one of them." Looking at Stella saying nothing, the day had been long and hard and one none of them would forget in a very long time, one he doubt Kerry would ever forget seeing her shrug "Wonder how long before they start something" staring out over the base Josh wonders even though Chris is dead the guilt would eat away at Kerry stopping her happiness with Lawson.


	15. Chapter 15

Walking into the pub with Josh, Stella looks around, seeing Kerry sitting at a table by herself, seeing her glance up it doesn't take long for them to realise how drunk she is, seeing her finish her drink before ordering another one, seeing her turn around her eyes blood shot "I hate to go what she is going through … at least she has Lawson" not listening totally to Stella "she's pushed him away" looking at Kerry, Stella can't help but feel sorry for her "does she blame him for this happening, I thought she would of ….."looking at Stella briefly "what Stel …. Screw Lawson again …. She killed her husband" nodding at Josh "I know ….. wouldn't you need someone ….. what about Sarah?" Then shaking her head "Its obvious she is going out getting drunk each night"

Watching Kerry out of the corner of his eye seeing a guy go up to her, not hearing what he said to her but the look in Kerry's eyes saying it all, her eyes glazed over, he wonders if she could even stand up. Hearing her voice louder now "Fucking Piss off" seeing Stella glance at him, he can't stand by and watch, getting up off his seat walking towards her.

Not even looking up, can't people get the hint as she looks up at Josh rolling her eyes in no mood to talk, seeing Josh looking at her "I don't need any of your psych crap" a small smile on his face despite everything she hadn't lost her feistiness or herself "That' good as I aint going to give you any" watching as the alcohol goes down her throat "drinking helping you" not even looking at Josh the alcohol did more for her than anything helping her forget everything that happened, rolling her eyes at him "what do you suggest then" seeing Josh look at her his eyes planted on her face just able to make out the outline of him "maybe not turning up to work drunk" raising her eyes slightly at him leaning forward "I killed someone Josh, I killed him" then shaking her head, not wanting to talk about it "Just piss off Josh". Sitting opposite her, he has no idea what she is going through, he knows they all want to help her, that Lawson is worried about her.

Looking up seeing Lawson walking in, before turning to Josh "Great Josh, just what I need" picking up her glass sculling it before walking away slightly stumbling, turning to both of them "Leave me alone, and piss off, I don't need you or anyone trying to help me" seeing Lawson's eyes upon her as he touches her arm "Let me give you a lift home" flinging it off "No….. I don't need a lift or anything from you, don't touch me, don't you think you've done enough" before walking away, she didn't want them to help her or to feel sorry for her, Chris was dead, she had to shoot him, all because of her fucking Lawson and wanting to leave Chris for him.

Watching Kerry walk away, Lawson turns to Josh "want a drink" looking up as Stella walks up to them "I see that went well" looking at each other before turning to Stella "shut up Stel" a smirk on her face before watching Kerry sit down.

Looking up as Leon walks in, as he sits down, looking around "Is that?..." seeing them nod "Yes that's Kerry"

Watching as the others leave, walking up to Kerry seeing her glaring at him "Leon, what are you doing here" sitting down "getting a drink want one?" nodding at the intel officer.

…

Hearing his phone ring the early hours a couple of mornings later, answering it sleepily, hearing Leon's voice "I need your help Lawson, Kerry kidnapped me, she needed a designated driver, I can't get her home Lawson"

Shaking his head sadly he wish he could help Leon but he knows it would make it worse "I can't help you Leon, she doesn't want me around her"

Hearing the pleading in his voice "Please Lawson, I can't get her home, we're out at some pub in the middle of no where, I have no idea where, there was a rodeo here, and all these stores, you've got to help me"

Looking around ""Litchfield Tavern" hearing Lawson's voice "Just try to get her home" before hanging up he should go out knowing he probably won't sleep now knowing if she saw him it would make things worse

Walking back to Kerry, her eyes glazed over as she slings her arm over his shoulder "I have the best idea" following her off her seat watching as she walks around the stalls, stopping at the tattoo one, walking inside looking around pointing to one "I'll have that one"

Looking at Kerry "Kerry you don't want to do this" looking at Leon, "Leon, just shut up"

Looking at Kerry "I don't know much I only know a few things you don't video yourself having sex no matter how good it is, don't. have sex with you best friends girlfriend, you don't go out with your girlfriends sister and you never ever get a tattoo when you're drunk"

Turning to face Leon, her eyes glazed over "I'm not drunk" before turning to them ignoring Leon "Kerry I'm telling you" turning to face the intel officer who is watching her "Leon could you just shut up" pacing around he knew Kerry shouldn't do this and will regret it watching as she turns to the guy "This isn't going to hurt is it" leaning over the chair, as she feels the ink on her back yelling out "OH shit". Watching Kerry scream he can't help but pace he had a bad feeling from the beginning and now she has ended up with some stupid tattoo.

…

Waking up the next morning her eyes looking around, where is she this isn't base, she knows it isn't her house, looking around it hasn't been the first time she has woken up with her head throbbing nor in someone else's bed finally focussing her eyes land on Leon this was worse than she could imagine "Oh shit, oh shit"

Seeing Kerry open her eyes and look around "before you jump to" interrupting him "some very bad conclusions" seeing Leon nod "you got a bit drunk last night, you got a tattoo then practically passed out, I want to swear to you nothing, I filmed it" Looking at Leon did she hear him right "you filmed it" seeing him nod this was getting worse "oh this is so creepy, just turn it off, turn it off" at least this time she knew she had her clothes on unlike previous times, she had just woken up picked up her clothes quickly gotten dressed and hurried to get out of there.

Looking at Kerry lying there, she was hot and attractive, he did want something to happen, she did kiss him at the rodeo as they were walking to the car, he pulled her off him, and put her into the car, where she then passed out, could he of taken advantage of her, he knew if anything did happen, Lawson would string him up by his balls, it was no secret that they had something going, and that they both still had feeling for each other, he was sure Lawson still did, and Kerry too despite her pushing him away, he could tell the pain she was feeling but why wouldn't she let anyone help her, he knew she was tough but the way she was now was self destructing.

Driving along to work, her head throbbing "Do you have any panadol?" laughing at her, opening the glove box giving it to her, he did wish slightly that she had made a move on her

Watching as Leon drives, closing her eyes briefly, shit what did she do last night "we walk in separately not a word of this to anyone

…

Driving home from Humpty Doo Tavern, out of town, she wanted to be away from anyone she knew even there, she was sure there where whispers but nothing said, the tough and rough people there, the way she wanted it, driving back down the Stuart Highway, the sun would be up soon, how many sun rises had she seen lately more than her bed, turning the radio on listening to the music, looking up shit, maybe they will let her through, seeing the sign come out, she could drive just through, no instead she pulls over watching as the police man walks up to the car, winding it down slightly watching the guy, how young was he hearing his voice "can you wind the window down" shaking her head "no" staring at him, her blue eyes piercing through him as she hears him say "I need you to blow into this" winding the window down slightly more taking it off him, blowing into it before handing it back to him, she didn't even have to wait to know what he was going to say "can I see your licence" rolling her eyes at him "if you needed my licence why didn't you ask for it in the first place" leaning over as she gets it she hears his voice louder "ma'am I need you to wind down the window" shaking her head "No" hearing his voice louder "Ma'am turn the radio down and wind down the window" seeing him look at the breathalyser as he continues "I need you to get out of the car" looking at the constable "No" seeing him look at her, her gaze not fazing him "Ma'am I need you to get out of the car, you have a alcohol reading" winding the window down, trying to grab the machine, she knows she was over, but no way is she going to admit it to the little up start constable "You're probably reading it wrong, give it to me" leaning out to try to grab it as he continues his voice louder "Get out of the car, I need you to accompany" she knew what would come, how many times had she said it to people at some time when she was younger an starting out. Getting out of the car "You probably have no idea to read it"

Looking at the screen, the night nearly over, how he hated the all nighters in a way throwing food up in the air catching it, at least Kerry wasn't around and Amber due in an hour or so. His eyes widening, what a classic "Lawson you're needed at Howard Springs turn off, Kerry's been pulled over for DUI"

Looking at Katie and Stella in the car did he hear Leon right "I'm sure she wants us to go and pick her up" hearing Leon laughing still "can I come" turning to Stella nodding he was sure she would be as happy about this as he was, considering she wouldn't answer his phone calls, wouldn't speak to him unless she had to in regards to work.

Arriving at the breath testing, getting out of the car, walking past the police car glancing hearing Kerry's voice "get me out of here" turning to the officer "You're letting her go" nodding at Lawson "Is she always like that" looking at him raising his eyes, always like what, there were many moods and words to describe her "She's a bitch" nodding at him she could be difficult to say the least "You are letting it go" nodding at Lawson "It's a busy night, I'm letting her off this once, but just get her home" nodding at him "thanks" as he starts to walk towards her he hears his voice again "she's the officer that shot her husband isn't she" looking at the officer not wanting to confirm it as he continues to walk towards the car, opening the door "come on, we're taking you home" getting out of the car, why did Lawson have to come, she would of preferred to be charged than have Lawson bail her out "You're lucky they are in a good mood" feeling Lawson's hand on her arm guiding her, she pushes it off, "there the ones that are lucky" turning around yelling out "you think a uniform is going to make people take notice of an idiot like you". Hurrying after Kerry, grabbing her after her outburst "and we are walking" following Lawson not saying anything, seeing him shake his head at her "Kerry what do you think you were doing" glaring at Lawson before staring ahead she didn't want to listen to him "is it possible you just don't talk" a short laugh escaping him "someone forced you to drink did they?" walking over to the car "Just take me back to base?" raising his eyes at her, was she serious she wanted to go to work, she was lucky she could even walk, he could smell her breath a mile away "sure that is a good idea" hopping in the car "I didn't ask for what you thought or your opinion Lawson, just drop me off at base"

Walking into the base in the morning, hearing the talk, Josh turns to Lawson he isn't one to gossip or anything and he doesn't really know Kerry, he does know that his mate is in love with her still after everything and that she needs help. "You do know that Kerry is going out drinking every night, shes been hitting the grog pretty hard since Chris died" nodding at his mate, he gathered as much, she was coming in late, her sunnies covering her eyes if she went out.

…..

Walking out of base earlier that day again, each day either staying back late drinking the bottles she has in her drawer or going out to a pub somewhere, Sarah staying with a friend a lot, or Lawson once, walking out of base damm she didn't even have her car here, she would pick it up later, walking out and hailing a cab.

Sitting outside the casino, the bar open early still, the need for alcohol to numb her pain, the few hours each day at work when she sobres up she tries to keep busy to stop thinking about it all, she wanted to leave Chris, but now she shot someone. Looking up seeing a drink put in front of her turning around seeing Lawson there, the last person she wanted to see, she had pushed him away every since it happened, he was a reminder of what built up to it all, her fucking Lawson was the cause of it all, him chasing her, leaving Chris to be with him, she doesn't want sympathy just to be left alone, knowing if she looked up into his sympathetic eyes she would break down and cry, which was the last thing she wanted "Just leave Lawson". Sitting down next to Kerry, he can't just leave he can't leave her to go through this by herself, to see her self destruct to ruin everything she had worked for so hard, to build up the Tactical Response in Darwin, she was falling apart he could see it, turning up to work either hung over or still drunk. He knew she didn't want anyone in, and blamed him in a way for Chris's death, she was tough but he wasn't going to walk away he couldn't, despite it all he did still love her and the need to protect her there "I'm not going anywhere Kerry" seeing her eyes glance at him, a glare in them before turning back to her drink. Glancing at Lawson shit, why can't he leave why can't he leave her alone just go, she didn't want company, especially Lawson all she needed was her wine or alcohol nothing else.

Watching Kerry finish the bottle of wine before getting another, seeing her look at him "You still here" nodding at her "I'm not leaving" staring at Lawson he really was stubborn, just because he was there, didn't mean she had to talk to him "suit yourself, if your staying you can make yourself useful and buy me another drink" shaking his head at her "get it yourself" before leaning forward "drinking isn't the answer Kerry. Turning up to work each day hung over or drunk, isn't a good look". Glaring at Lawson if he is going to talk to her or try to reason or anything with her she isn't interested "Piss off Lawson, I don't need any of your shit". Leaning forward towards her looking at her "What about Sarah she needs her mother you need her. She's lost someone too you know and all she knows is her mum isn't there with her. I know your hurting and guilty but don't be it isn't your fault" glaring at Lawson what would he know, had he shot his wife or anyone she didn't want anyone to talk to her or tell her it wasn't her fault her voice loud and angry "Don't tell me how I'm feeling or meant to feel Lawson or it isn't my fault" her eyes staring into Lawson's not the usual full of want but anger "I shot someone Lawson, and killed them, not just anyone but my husband, do you have any idea how that feels" not waiting for him to answer her voice loud "No so when you do, then you can talk about how I should feel until then, just stay away from me" picking up her glass and finishing it before slamming it on the table leaning closer to him, her eyes blazing with fire "If your so concerned about Sarah, you go and look after her" before storming out.

….

Walking out into the locker room "5 mins, team meeting" looking at each other, watching Kerry's retrieving back what team meeting. Seeing the team standing in front of her, there eyes upon her and the guys next to her "This is Inspector Peter Mills and Detective Naomi Carter from drug squad" after listening to them speak turning to the team "this is what you have all been trained for, the real deal, I want the whole squad in on this" looking at Senior Sergeant Watson "Matt, is in charge of this, you are the one in control of Tactical Response"

Walking out to her car, seeing Lawson looking at her, following her "Is this payback, putting Matt in charge of this" rolling her eyes at him "Grow up Lawson, you are going back to Melbourne soon, and Matt will be in charge of Tactical Response up here, he needs the experience" before walking away from him "You up to driving".

Watching Kerry's retrieving back, the stark reminder that he doesn't have long left up in Darwin, she has shut him out for over a week or more now, not even wanting to look at him.

Looking up as Matt walks up to her "You sure you don't want Lawson to be in charge of this operation" staring at him raising her eyes "if you don't think you're up to it….." shaking his head "No I'm up to it, I'm just surprised" shaking her head "you can't have Lawson holding your hand forever, so step up, and show me that my trust in you is justified" her voice softer "You can do it Matt"

Arriving at the docks a short time later, looking around her gun strapped to her hip, the first time she had been out, since … since she shot Chris. Getting into position near the exit, into her com "Leon, you have eyes in the area, logged on" hearing his reply as she sets up the computer.

Turning to Peter and Naomi ½ an hour later "seems your informant and information is wrong" shaking their head "no they will be here"

Leaning back, looking around the time dragging on, she didn't want to be here, hearing Matt's voice coming through the com, finally some action.

Watching as her team springs into action with drug squad, watching the screen closely, into her com "Leon, send through the second camera"

Watching as a car drive around the containers, walking outside the building, she can see it coming towards the entrance.

Looking up towards the entrance, shit what was Kerry doing, looking around Lawson sees what she is looking at, seeing the car coming around the containers, sprinting towards Kerry watching as she raises her gun into his com "Stel, Katie, get the car block the front entrance" seeing her standing on the spot her gun aimed.

Watching as the car comes towards her, moving towards the road, raising her gun the car not stopping blinking trying to stop the images forming in her mind, Chris's face before her gun aimed at him as he lowers the gun finally, the echos of the gun shots, the sound of them watching as he falls to the ground. Hearing her name "Kerry" was that Chris calling her "shit Kerry, what are you doing?" coming out of her trance, watching as the car coming closer, can she do it looking up as Lawson is next to her "Stop the car?" her hand frozen as the car gets closer to her, her hand shaking with the gun


	16. Chapter 16

Watching as Kerry is frozen, her eyes unfocused, concern on his face, she is going to get run over or shot at, or worse killed what does she think she is doing, grabbing her around the waist pulling her out of the way. Turning to face Lawson her voice full of anger "Shit Lawson, what do you think you are doing?" looking at her, his face full of concern "Saving your arse, what were you doing?" her eyes glaring at him "what do you think you are doing, you just let them get away I had it under control?" looking at her sceptical "is that what you call it, you froze Kerry, you are lucky I came and saved you I thank you would be nice" rolling her eyes at him, getting away from him "for what Lawson, I don't need to thank you for anything, just let me do my job?" watching as she starts to walk off "you do know if you fired a shot, you would have to blow and take a piss test, really think you would of passed that?" her eyes firm showing no emotion "I'm fine, I didn't freeze Lawson…. I am fine" watching as he walked away "Stel and Katie, got them anyway, Matt is down at the containers still" nodding at him, she wouldn't admit she did freeze, she couldn't do it "I'll see you all back at base".

Watching as she gets in the car, he was getting more worried and concerned about her, despite what she said, she did freeze she couldn't do it, this had affected it more than she wanted to admit, she needed to see someone, even if she wouldn't admit it to herself, she was living on the edge, and she was getting closer to it every day, he needed to be there when she fell over it, he would catch her and help her.

Sitting at her desk, the glass of wine on her desk, the memories all came flooding back, would she be able to hold a gun again, would she be able to cover her team, be a leader. Looking up seeing Leon "I'll see you tomorrow Kerry" nodding at the intel officer a small smile on her face "Do you ever wish you could just turn back time Leon" looking at Kerry "sometimes but you live life to the fullest and every moment" despite it all she had a sad look in her eyes one that wouldn't go away, one that was hidden by the blood shot, hung over eyes that she came into work with each day, she had lost weight, she had a great body to start with, now she was not looking the same, she was still hot, but there was something about her now "you want a drink?" nodding his head he would have a drink with her, he somehow felt he had to "the coroners hearing is in 2 days time" looking up at Kerry, "It is a pretty closed case Kerry, just procedure, you were not to blame, you have already been cleared by ESD and IA, why not take a holiday, that's what I would do, go on a nice holiday, meeting chicks lots and lots of sex and drinking heaps" raising her eyes at Leon "how old are you again?" giving a small laugh "30, what isn't there to love about sex and drinking isn't that what holidays are about" looking at Leon leaning back in her chair "so no girlfriend?" shaking his head "nah I don't want to be tied down, freedom" raising her eyes at him "no one will go out with you hey?" shrugging "I leave Darwin soon, my last girlfriend wanted a baby, I am so not ready for that. Casual is what I want" giving a small laugh "don't blame you kids are a good day bad day"

Looking at Kerry a while later, shit how much had they had to drink, wine and scotch, straight out of the bottle he could just see the bottles even if they were blurred. Shit he wanted Kerry he had for ages he wouldn't admit it but he envied Lawson slightly, seeing her hazily out of his eyes, leaning forward to get his glass, seeing Kerry looking at him was she leaning towards him did she want him too?

Walking out of her office half an hour later, turning to look at Kerry her eyes wide open, what had he done, her last words to him were "shit, fuck off Leon" how could something that was so good amazing even something he had dreamt of never imagining happening, then turn to this, he should of pushed her away, she leaned forward their lips meeting, he should of still pulled away she was drunk, so was he, she pulled him towards her desk, she pulled his pants, down, no if he was honest with himself he wanted it too, it was over just as quick as it started, with her telling him to fuck off.

Doing up the zipper to her pants, shit what did she just do, was she craving affection, no how many times had she had sex the past 3 weeks, she had woken up more times that she cared to remember in someone's bed with no recollection of getting there, or the night before, this time she did remember it so far, pushing Leon out of her office, leaning against the wall before falling down it, what on earth is she doing

….

Walking into the room signing in and grabbing a gun, putting the ear muffs on as the target is dragged out in front of her, holding the gun up she has to do it, what good is she as any type of officer if she can't hold the gun and shoot, she had shot criminals before, but this was different this was her husband closing her eyes shaking away the image her eyes focused in front of her as the first shot rings out her hands shaking she can do this, she is a strong person as the round of bullets finish, putting the gun down and ear muffs grabbing her stuff she needs fresh air, walking out quickly to her car her breathing coming rapidly sitting clenching the steering wheel before slowing her breathing down.

Hearing her phone ring hanging up quickly, shit driving quickly to base. Walking inside she sees Leon walking towards her, he is upstairs waiting for you. Nodding at him, walking towards the bathroom she knew she looked like crap she hadn't had a decent night sleep in ages, spend all night drinking, throwing water onto her face she was ready as she ever would be.

Following the Inspector down stairs trying to keep a smile plastered on her face, the little small dick of a guy. Watching as he drove away his words echoing in her mind "Pull your act together Kerry, you need to see a counsellor, you have a week, before I will put your on enforced leave, take a look at yourself, do something about it or I will" what did he know, he had no idea ok he said "how hard it must be, right as if he knew how hard it was, no one knew what it was like"

Walking into the communications room seeing Leon's feet on the desk, putting his cheesals in his mouth, walking over to him anger in her voice "what do you think this is Leon, just sitting on the chair with your feet up" seeing the packet of cheesals her hand coming down breaking them hard "stuffing your face, leaving crumbs everywhere" her face leaning closer to him "keep this up you will be looking for another job, or back to Melbourne now" moving away from Kerry shit what happened up there this was another part of Kerry he had seen briefly but never like this watching both of them looking up at a voice at the door "inspector Kerry Vincent" watching as Kerry walked over to him a look in her eyes "Inspector Young said you would be expecting me, Michael Green the counsellor" her eyes narrowing "you tell Inspector Young I will see you when I WANT to, not when he decides is the time" pushing away from him as she walks out of the room towards her car, seeing Lawson hurrying out of the locker room concern on his face "fuck off Lawson, I don't need you help or advice either" before hopping in the car.

Watching as Kerry yells at the guy, part of it making sense now hearing her yelling at Lawson before she speeds out of base all eyes upon her, the look amongst the team it is no secret that she isn't coping and coming in hung over.

What was she doing with her life deep down she knew the way she was going she could lose Tactical Response or it be given to someone else Lawson, she knew he was capable of running it but it was hers and no one was taking it away from her.

…..

Walking out of the coroners court a few days later, the findings didn't surprise her on any of them Chris or her squad who died, already cleared by ESD and IA and now this, still not making her feel any better. Walking into the hallway she had thought Steve's and Dave's family would of turned up in a way grateful they hadn't. She had seen Lawson sitting at the back, she wondered if he would come, partly grateful he was there for her.

Hearing her name called out she turns around seeing Lawson walking out, about to turn around again her mouth slightly open as she sees a knife held to his throat. Hearing her phone ring, she answers it "Not now Leon, Log onto the coroners court" hanging up turning back to the person "maybe now Kerry, you will know what it is like to see someone killed in front of you who you actually love" her eyes on Lawson before looking at the person next to him who was he, hearing his voice "Give me your gun" looking at Lawson, he is calm "don't do it Kerry" seeing the knife pressed closer to him pulling the gun out off her hip walking closer to him, bringing it up, her eyes fixed on his not even hearing the sirens of TR car approaching, walking up to the guy her gun raised slightly before quickly putting it against his head "You think I won't blow your brains out, you think I won't do it hey. Drop the knife" her eyes fixed on him her gun pointed to his head not even seeing the knife being released from Lawson her hands shaking slightly. Not even seeing Josh, Katie and Matt arriving their voices echoing out too "Put the knife down". Feeling Lawson's hand on her arm his voice soft "You can put the gun down" looking around not even seeing what was going on her gun still trained on him as Katie puts the ties on his hand. Feeling Lawson's hand still on her arm lowering her gun for her his voice soft "That was Chris's cousin" putting her hand up to her mouth as a sob comes out her legs buckling under her as she falls to the ground.

Watching Kerry fall to the ground Katie, Matt and Josh watch feeling helpless, watching as Lawson walks over to her wrapping his arms around her briefly before seeing her push him away as she gets up walking to the car, passing them trying to hide her face but not before they saw her blinking back the tears before hurrying to her car. Watching Kerry collapse Lawson hurries over to her, wrapping his arms around her pulling her towards him feeling the tears fall, feeling slight relief that she is feeling something, before feeling her push him away as she hurries away

Sitting in the drivers seat, her head falling to the wheel biting her lips how could her life be such a mess, she couldn't let Lawson or anyone comfort her she can't fall apart if she did cry she wouldn't stop, she needed a drink she needed not to feel anything. Hearing the door open, she looks up seeing Lawson standing there "move over" looking up at him trying not to cry "I'm fine" shaking his head "No your not, I'll drive you home" looking up at Lawson what was she going to say she hadn't been home in weeks, if she wanted to sleep she would go to some hotel, on the odd occasions when she had practically passed out she found herself in some guy's apartment the following morning when she had woken up.

Seeing Lawson pull up at her house or her and Chris's house, she can't get out of the car, sitting in the passenger seat her eyes fixed ahead could she open up to him, could she tell anyone her voice soft barely a whisper "I can't go home ….. each time I close my eyes I see it, I relive it ….. I hear the gun shot and see Chris fall to the ground, see him looking at me, bringing his gun out, then I …." wanting to reach out and pull her towards him, protect her, finally she is opening up to him or anyone letting her speak. Fiddling with her hands "What about Sarah … she's going to find out her mother killed Chris… I can't protect her forever, eventually she is going to read it somewhere, or someone will tell her. Its everywhere, everyone knows what I've done, its been in the newspaper, magazines" nodding at Kerry "She needs to hear it from you. You can't hide her from it. Just tell her what happened" looking at Lawson, he had stood by her through it all, even when she had pushed him away the past few months "I'm here if you want to talk. ….You need to see someone" looking at Lawson "Thank you" handing Kerry her keys watching as she walks up to the door "You going to be ok" nodding at Lawson as her hand lingers slightly on the door can she do it, can she walk inside. Opening the door and walking inside, looking around she had only been in here briefly getting some clothes to wear looking around, everything was as she left it, not able to move seeing a shirt of Chris's on the lounge, her hand coming up to her mouth as she falls to the floor the tears falling from her eyes unable to stop them, finally able to cry for the first time in months the tears falling freely. Not hearing the door open as she feels arms wrapped around her drawing them towards them, holding her tightly to there are no more tears.

Watching Kerry linger at the door before going inside, Lawson walks up to the front door, opening it slightly he watches Kerry fall to the ground, unable to watch her fall apart by herself quickly hurrying over to her, drawing her towards him.

Knocking on the door walking in tentatively relief in away that she can talk to someone, looking up at the counsellor, at least it is a step forward in dealing with it all instead of getting drunk, never did she think that Inspector Kerry Vincent would be seeing a counsellor.

Knocking on Lawson door it isn't long before it opens seeing Lawson look at his daughter "I'm going away Lawson I need to get away from Darwin for a while." Looking at Sarah and Kerry, he will miss them, but after what she had been through he knows it is the best thing for them. He will miss Sarah, he was only getting to know her finally after all these years "How long will you be gone for" shrugging "I don't know, as long as it takes, I've been given 3 months off, Sarah and I will just travel around, might even go to America and see James"

Walking into TR a few days later, looking around the funeral for Chris and the 2 team members have gone, she ended up going to them, would the family blame her for her husband, it wasn't her fault it happened not stopping the guilt she is feeling her failings as a leader as a wife too. Walking into her office, putting her things in a box looking up she sees Leon looking at her, she needs time off, she can't be here anymore. She was over the interviews with Internal affairs and Ethical Standards the whispers there, not saying it but she knows that they think she is partly to blame, it was her sleeping with Lawson that caused that, they didn't have to come out and say it, the implications where there.

Walking out of the office carrying the box, up to Leon ruffling his hair patting him on the back "You're one of the best intel officers Leon" before walking out.

Watching Kerry walk to her car, the team stand at the doorway not wanting to intrude she had looked slightly better than she had a sparkle coming back. Looking up seeing her team there, smiling at them she didn't know what to say she hadn't been a leader of late she knew TR was in good hands with Lawson and Matt, smiling up at Lawson walking over to them "Look after Tactical Response, I'll see you all in a few months, Stel, Josh and Christian you can come back here anytime and be on my team" seeing the surprise on Stella's face a smile forming "Yeah Stel" turning to face them waving what was she going to do without work.

Walking out of the house two days later Lawson there to say goodbye to both of them dropping Sarah off after spending time with her "Take care Kerry and drive safely" smiling at him, hoping they had everything they needed the campervan packed ready to go. Looking up at Lawson "I love you Kerry, I still do" smiling at him "I know I love you too Lawson but I need to do this for myself and for Sarah. Who knows what will happen but for the time being I can't be in a relationship with you. I need to spend time with Sarah and to get my life back on track again. I just need time to sort stuff out and I need to do that by myself" walking closer to him pulling him towards him kissing him briefly on the lips before pulling away "Thank you" looking at Kerry slightly confused "for what?" standing close to him looking him in the eyes "for everything you never gave up on me even when I kept pushing you away, you were there when I needed you. I wouldn't of blamed if you walked away as I kept pushing you away" touching her arm "I couldn't walk away even if I wanted to, you were falling apart and I couldn't stand by and do nothing … just have a good time" walking around to Sarah "enjoy yourself Sarah"

Watching as the campervan drives down the road, he will miss them both all he can hope is despite it all that Kerry when she comes back is ready for a relationship with him, he wants her and Sarah to be part of his life.


	17. Chapter 17

w

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

Walking inside his apartment it wouldn't be long before he had to go back to Melbourne Kerry hopefully was coming back in a month's time he had missed her but talked to her and Sarah often of Skype he was getting to know his daughter finally and talked to Kerry. He would miss seeing them both, he had hoped for something more but not pushing Kerry she needed time to recover from it all. He did miss Stella and Josh, but they were needed back in Melbourne.

A smile on his face as he hears the phone on his computer ringing, answering it seeing Sarah on Skype hearing her voice say "Hi Dad" a smile on his face it hadn't pushed it but when she said Dad he had a huge smile on his face "mum wants to talk to you" his face slightly curious, he had talked to Kerry but normally about work seeing her face on Skype a huge smile on her face her blue eyes sparkling, he can see her lean towards the computer with Sarah near by "Come to Cairns Lawson, meet us here, spend the last month with us or two weeks" seeing Sarah jumping around near by hearing her voice "Please Dad, please come"

Looking at Sarah's excited face and Kerry's blue eyes staring at him "Are you sure?" seeing her nod at the screen "Yes, I love you Lawson and I want to be with you" seeing his eyes widen, she had a lot of time to think she and Sarah had hired a campervan touring around Australia, she realised she should be happy, and not feel guilty about how she felt or what happened and despite it all Lawson had stood by her and her feelings were still there.

Staring at the screen, taken back by Kerry's words "I love you too Kerry and yes yes" hearing a squeal coming from behind Kerry and Kerry laughing "I'll call you, I'll let Sarah talk to you again so I can get some peace"

…

**6 WEEKS LATER**

Walking into TR it seemed forever since she was in here, all the guys from Melbourne gone back and her own squad up here now, despite getting what she wanted she couldn't stay in Darwin, she knew Lawson would move up here to be with her. The 3 weeks they had spend together as a family was wonderful, hard in a campervan to get quality time alone, getting a 2 bedroom cabin occasionally, just happy to feel Lawson's arms around her, Sarah rolling her eyes at them, they waited sometimes until Sarah was asleep in the camper van, their longing was there, they knew Sarah had heard them a few times the look on her face a dead give away she missed him, but he had to go back to Darwin and then back to Melbourne. He was due up again for a few days to hand everything over to her or the new Inspector or who ever was going to be in charge.

Hearing a knock on her door a few days later, the house sold staying in apartments for the time being, Sarah running to the door, smiling as she sees Lawson there as Sarah flings herself into his arms shaking her head, no one would realise she was 11 ½ now. Walking over to him feeling his lips on hers as he whispers "I missed you" feeling his hands move up her shirt turning to Sarah "Want to go and play with Emily then you can spend the evening with Lawson" seeing Sarah looking at her shaking her head "I know why, so you can have sex with Dad" her eyes wide at her nodding "Can you give me a brother or sister, You know I really want a brother or sister" looking at her daughter her eyes moving slightly before saying "no" looking at her mum her hand on her hips "I'll look after it, and take care of it, please Mum" shaking her head at her daughter a smile on her lips "You can take care and look after a baby boy or girl' pausing seeing Sarah's eyes light up slightly before walking over ruffling her head "when you are older you can have as many kids then as you want, that won't be for a long time though sweetie"

Watching as Sarah stands there looking at her thinking "I'll stay away for a long time if you give me a brother or sister" rolling her eyes at her daughter "Sarah… you already have a brother" seeing her eyes narrow "that's not the same, I never see him, I want someone to play with" then looking at Kerry hopeful "all I want is one" looking at Sarah "we'll talk later" smiling as she watches Sarah run out the door before facing Lawson again feeling his lips upon hers feeling his lips upon hers as he lifts her up, her legs wrapping around his body as they make their way to the bedroom.

Looking at the door she hadn't seen her mum this happy in a long time, not even when she was with Chris, at the beginning she was happy but even young she could tell things weren't right for a while, she now had her father her real father and her mum together. She did love Chris and he was a good father to her most of the time, it was just he could hear him and her mum arguing which had gotten worse the few months before he was killed, at first she didn't want another dad but her curiosity to get to know her own father she had asked her mother when she was younger but she never wanted to talk about it, looking at the door a smile on her face she knew exactly what they were up to now her mother was like a teenager again shaking her head a smile on her face at least her mum was happy and hopefully would stay that way. She knew enough even at 11 ½ her life was far from sheltered her mum was a cop. There were nights when she could hear them, they thought she was asleep she ended up putting her head phones in her ears to stop it, what kid what to hear their parents having sex, even when they got a hotel room or cabin there were some nights, despite it all she didn't care her parents were together and maybe just maybe they would give her a little sister to play with.

Looking at Kerry a dream come true, the relationship so new, but knowing she was his now no going home to anyone else, able to spend the night with her, wake up in the morning with her moving his hands around her back undoing the bra, a lacey one her undies matching watching as they fall to the ground feeling her skin against his, feeling her hand undoing his pants as they fall to the ground, the kissing intensifying he had missed her so much the longing and desire coming out. Feeling Kerry's hands taking his shirt off, lying her onto the bed lying on top of her feeling her lips upon hers as her hands move around her neck pulling his face to his before her hands move around to his back moving down to his bum, her desire coming out looking into his eyes her voice "I love you" seeing him retain her gaze the love in his eyes "I love you too Kerry" as his eyes move around her body "You are so gorgeous" before his lips move around her body.

Sitting on the lounge a few nights later leaning against Lawson watching TV, glancing up at Lawson "I'm moving from Darwin" looking at Kerry in surprise, she hadn't said anything "Where" shrugging not really looking at him "Heard Melbourne wasn't that bad" looking up at Lawson a smile on her face she needed to get away and wanted to be with him, even if things didn't work out, Sarah needed to get to know her father and spend time with him "Are you sure" nodding at him she was, she had to get away from everything here, she had set out and succeeded what she wanted to "Just need to find a place to stay though" looking at Kerry her blue eyes sparkling "mm that could be a problem … suppose my place has two bedrooms" giving a small laugh "one for you and one for me and Sarah" feeling his lips against hers as he whispers "Have to fight her for that one" looking up as they hear Sarah jumping down between them.

…

**8 WEEKS LATER**

Walking into Tactical Response in Melbourne Shannon looks around, glad to have Stella back, but having to work with Lawson again, she thought once he came back he might want her back again, despite everything that happened she wanted him back and missed him, she would never forgive Kerry for what happened blaming her for their problems, what type of person sleeps with someone else's boyfriend, cheats on her husband with someone in the squad she would never understand that. She heard via Stella that Kerry and Lawson had stopped their affair after what happened. Looking up as she hears voices her eyes wide open, no she had only met her briefly up in Darwin but after what happened she doubts she would ever forget what she looked like, what was she doing here, walking into the change rooms she sees Josh and Stella there "what's going on?" seeing them both look at her as Stella speaks "Kerry is here from Darwin, is all I know, Leon doesn't know much, Lawson probably has an idea" then turning to Josh "You know what is happening?" shrugging not saying anything, Lawson had confided in him that Kerry was moving to Melbourne and in with him and that they were now in a relationship and had been for about 3 months now, "we'll find out soon" before walking out.

Seeing Lawson walk into the locker room "meeting in 5 minutes", watching him walk out Stella turns to Shannon "hopefully we'll find out then" nodding at Stella unable to say anything, she never thought she would see her again, she never wanted to she never understood what kind of person could do what she did to her husband and to someone else's boyfriend, why she would sleep with her employees when she is in such a high position.

Seeing the team walk out of the locker room, Stella, Josh and Christian, seeing the glare on the other female she knew was Shannon, shit she forgot about her working here, seemed Shannon hadn't forgotten about her, hearing Lawson start to talk, missing the first bit of his speech "Kerry is in charge of task forces, some of which will need the use of Tactical Response when required" seeing them look around as Shannon speaks "will she be based here and in charge of here?" looking at Shannon knowing what she was getting at as Kerry answers "I'll be between here and head quarters, more here. Lawson and Charlie will still be in charge here, but I will now be overseeing it all." Looking around at the team, she knew a lot of them from up at Darwin "most of you already know me, a couple of you don't …. Those who do will tell you I expect 110% from each and every one of you, the ones I know here, I know they give more than that and I look forward to working with you again, even if it mightn't be mutual" hearing the laughter from everyone except Shannon, part of her wanting to say something, for her to get over it instead turning to walk away.

….

Knocking on Lawson's door a few days later she needs to speak to him, she needs to know why he never told her Kerry was coming back and to Tactical Response in Melbourne, she wanted to speak to him at work but he was always around people. Seeing the door answered shaking her head "shit" standing there staring at Kerry, dressed in casual clothes tracksuit pants and a top her hair pulled back in a ponytail, even wearing that she still looked good, going to turn around she hears Kerry's voice "Did you want to see Lawson?" taking a deep breath turning around "yes" then looking at Kerry "I don't understand what kind of person does what you did, you cheated on your husband, with my boyfriend. Did you even think what you were doing, who you were hurting, or that Lawson had a girlfriend? Did you even care?"

Looking at Shannon as she opened the door "shit" seeing Shannon staring at her the surprise on her face she gathered Lawson hadn't said anything to her about her moving in, watching as she walks away seeing her turn around, the hurt still evident on her face before talking.

Looking at Shannon whilst she is talking to her, not that she would admit it but she didn't think what she was doing or who she hurt the fact is she never thought she would be caught, once it started she couldn't stop even when she knew she should of.

Seeing Kerry look at her not saying anything her eyes just looking at her unsettling her in a way about to walk away she hears Lawson's voice surprise in it "Shan, what are you doing here" seeing Kerry move over shaking her head slightly at him, her voice soft "I'm sorry Shannon" feeling Lawson's hand on her back her eyes glancing up to him before turning to Shannon what did she want her to say that she fucked Lawson whilst Shannon was up there waiting for him in his apartment.

Looking at Lawson's hand on her back she could feel tears blinking them back she thought she was over him and what happened it had been months since she found out, seeing Kerry standing there, her tongue moving around her lips, there was something she needed to know, it all made sense now "You and Kerry were fucking each other when I went up there the first time to surprise you" seeing Lawson glance at Kerry before looking at him "Do we have to do this Shannon, its in the past, we've moved on, we're over, does it matter now". Seeing Shannon glaring at Lawson and her, the question answered in what Lawson didn't say, staring at them, her question answered, she had wondered why he felt so distant needing to know one more thing "It happened whilst I was up there too, didn't it" seeing Kerry nod but saying nothing, the disgust on her face by the whole situation, made worse by Kerry not saying anything "No wonder you were a bitch to me in Darwin I was Lawson's finance and you were screwing him it was nothing to do with Stella or anything, it was the fact that Lawson was with me" her eyes fixed on Shannon, part of her felt sorry for her and the hurt she was still feeling "What Stella did, could of affected her career and yours, she was lucky if it makes you feel better and want to blame someone go ahead" staring at Kerry she doubted she was sorry "You were not some innocent party in this Kerry, you knew what you were doing … You two deserve each other"

Looking at Shannon, wondering what the questions were about, "Shannon what do you want, why did you come here" looking at Kerry the hatred in her eyes "I wanted to know why you didn't tell me about Kerry coming back to Melbourne, but as soon as she answered the door, I knew, she's moved in here hasn't she" nodding at Shannon "Yes.. she and Sarah have moved in … I'll see you tomorrow" staring at both of them "You won Kerry, you got Lawson and broke us up, hope your happy now….. but how many people got hurt or killed in the process" as the door closes in front of her, coming here proved nothing except causing her hurt she thought she had gotten over.

….

Walking into the pub seeing her friend sitting at the table, Stella walks over sitting down looking at Shannon with concern as she speaks "I don't understand what kind of person does what she did, did she want to get caught? Why couldn't I have a normal boyfriend, what kind of person sleeps with her employees" then looking at Stella "who does that? Kerry fucked Lawson whilst I was up there the first time, what kind of person does that?" shaking her head at Shannon, she did wonder how she found out, why she would want to find out "I knew something was different but never thought that" Looking up at Shannon "You need to let go Shan and move on, Lawson has moved on, don't let them get to you, forget about them and what they did. Lawson has chosen Kerry, yeah it hurts but why would you want him back after what he did to you Shan." Shrugging at her friend why couldn't she let go it was months since it had happened but sometimes seemed like yesterday "It just hurts Stel, to find out that it happened whilst I was up there, I wish I didn't ask or find out" wanting to ask why she did "I'm sorry Shannon, just forget about Lawson now, he is with Kerry and after everything they have been through and have remained together, I think you're better off forgetting about him and them. Kerry has something you and Lawson don't" seeing Shannon glare at her "his kid, his daughter" glaring at Stella who's side was she on "One who she kept hidden from him for 11 years, what type of person is she one that steals boyfriends and has kids without telling the father" rolling her eyes at her friend getting exasperated "Shan… Kerry isn't the only one in the wrong, Lawson slept with her too. She's not a bad person if you get to know her, she's tough" seeing Shannon look at her she did feel sorry for her friend in a way "who's side are you on Stel, you're meant to be my friend" sculling her drink "I am your friend Shan which is why I'm telling you this, you need to let it go. Lawson made a mistake, and Kerry has paid for what she did in a way no one should have to go through what she has been through. You have no idea what she went through in Darwin. She had to shoot her husband" hearing Shannon interrupt her "I will never feel sorry for her, she has no one to blame but herself, you can't blame her husband his wife cheated on him" rolling her eyes at Shannon she wanted to hit her head against a wall "Chris had problems and even if Kerry did cheat on him, it is no excuse for what the did… You can't help who you fall in love with" seeing Shannon still stare at her she had changed her tune, up in Darwin she did blame Kerry but seeing how it affected her the following weeks the toll it took on her as Shannon says "No but it doesn't mean you have to act on your feelings if that person is taken" shaking her head at Shannon "How do you know for sure it was Kerry who started it, we have no idea the full story and I doubt we will, so move on Shan, just forget about them" getting up off the chair "I'll get us more drinks, lets just get drunk"

…..

Walking along Southbank one evening, holding Lawson's hand with Sarah walking ahead of them, finally able to move on, the nightmares over, she would never forget Chris or what happened but finally able to get out of the darkness that held her for so long and able to move on with Lawson, their relationship going well smiling as Lawson's arm around her waist watching Sarah ahead of her, looking up at Lawson feeling his lips meeting her briefly as she feels Sarah running back putting her arms around both of them rubbing her hair at last a family and happy.

Watching as Sarah runs off again, wrapping her arms around Lawson's body she will never tire of touching it looking up at him "do you want to start to try for a baby?" see the surprise in his face he didn't think she wanted any more kids "only if you're sure?" nodding "we can start practising" kissing her "plenty of practising" before feeling a body running into them "eww get a room" laughing at her daughter holding Lawson's hand watching as the fire comes out of the poles whispering "I know one person would love a baby" nodding at Kerry "only as long as you are sure, you and Sarah are all that I need" looking up at Lawson her eyes sparkling "what happens will happen Sarah hasn't turned out too bad, if I get pregnant it happens but in the mean time we get lots of practicing in" kissing her head "I like the sound of that" leaning her head on his shoulder she loved Lawson ever since she first met him and now 12 years later they were a family. Moving his hand to around her waist kissing the top of her head he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Kerry and Sarah, he loved her he felt sorry for Shannon but he wanted to be with Kerry and one day he was going to propose to her but not for a while yet, he knew at the moment she wasn't ready. The smile on his face though he was with the woman he loved and she wanted to have another baby with him one day. "I love you Kerry Vincent" smiling up at him "I love you Lawson Senior sergeant Blake" before looking at their daughter


End file.
